A Morning When I Began to See What I Had Missed— Reflections Between a Flower Bed and Tropical Fish — 2026/5/31 (Sun) R8

This morning, after joining the daily radio exercises, I walked over to the flower bed beside the building.

Several flowers were blooming with small name signs beside them. Some stood tall and proud, while others had only just begun to bloom.

As I stood there quietly looking at them, I noticed a smoking area further back.

Then I remembered that I occasionally see someone heading there. Smoking is allowed even inside the rooms of this facility, although there are notices reminding residents to use ventilation and to be careful with fire safety. Few people seem to smoke these days, but some habits stay with us for many years.

Seeing that smoking area brought back memories of a time when I smoked myself.

It was during my years as a public high school English teacher.

I was constantly occupied with entrance exam preparation, grading multiple-choice answer sheets, checking assignments, attending staff meetings, and dealing with departmental responsibilities.

At home, there were concerns about my children, misunderstandings with my husband, my own health problems, and worries about the future.

Back then, I did not smoke because I enjoyed it.

In fact, I never found cigarettes particularly pleasant.

Looking back, I think I depended on the act itself as a temporary escape from feelings I could not easily resolve.

Eventually, I fell into a depressive state and began seeing a psychiatrist.

Fortunately, I met a good doctor, and over many years I gradually recovered.

When I look back now, I sometimes wonder how I managed to keep going through those difficult times.

Today, my life looks quite different.

I spend time looking at flowers in the garden and watching tropical fish.

This morning, I found four fish in the aquarium that I had never noticed before and took photos of them.

Yesterday, I practiced calligraphy with a brush pen I bought at a 100-yen shop.

I have also been continuing to practice the soroban little by little.

None of these activities are particularly remarkable.

Yet I realize that, in the past, I rarely had the time or mental space to notice living things or the small changes in nature.

The flowers and fish were probably always there.

I simply could not see them through the busyness and struggles of everyday life.

It has now been one month since I moved to Matsuyama.

My new life is still just beginning, but I feel that little by little, I am starting to see things that once escaped my notice.

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