食事のマナーとは何だろう？　(英語版) ー　What Is Table Manners, Really?

I woke up around 4 a.m.
I found myself preparing dinner using the vegetables I had already washed and cut the day before.

This habit has stayed with me since my years as a schoolteacher.
I used to leave home early and return late, exhausted.
So I planned weekly menus and prepared ingredients in advance.
My children had to bring lunchboxes from elementary school, and I often stayed up past midnight getting everything ready.

Even as my body aged and began to protest, this structured way of living supported me.

My husband always worked late.
I used to argue, wondering why a public servant needed so much overtime.
But he never really listened.

Even after retirement, we rarely eat together at home.
Unless we go out, we do not sit at the same table.
Our schedules differ, but more than that, eating together no longer feels meaningful.

I spend 30 minutes to an hour preparing a meal.
He finishes it in a matter of minutes — almost as if he had been starving.

He grew up with a younger brother close in age.
His father belonged to a generation shaped by war.
Three men at the table, eating quickly, almost competitively, as if food might disappear.
My late mother-in-law used to sigh.
She would bring somen noodles to the table, and by the time she sat down, they were gone.

Perhaps there are reasons rooted in history.
Still, I sometimes think:

Isn’t it also the responsibility of families who never taught table manners?

In many households, meals were shaped by a male-centered culture.
Women cooked. Men ate.
There was little sense of adjusting one’s pace, enjoying conversation, or being mindful of those at the table — especially women and children.

“I’m not asking you to slow down completely,” I would say.
“But can’t you at least be a little considerate?”

It changed nothing.

Even at restaurants, if his order arrives first, he finishes before mine is served.
At some point, I stopped calling it a matter of manners.
Perhaps it is a matter of imagination — or the lack of it.

So now, in retirement, we eat separately at home.
It is the least stressful way.

Sometimes I imagine that in old age, I might live in a senior residence, in a separate room.
It may not be financially realistic, but I long for three balanced meals a day, prepared by someone else —
meals I can enjoy slowly and peacefully.

He surely has his own arguments.
We are, after all, a profoundly mismatched couple.

The arguments have decreased.
Not because we understand each other better,
but because we have stopped listening.

So what are table manners, really?

They are not just about how to hold chopsticks or avoiding noise.
They are about a small measure of imagination —
for the person sharing the table with you.

⸻

#TableManners
#MarriageReflections
#LifeAfterRetirement
#AgingAndIndependence
#CulturalNorms
#WomenAndSociety
#QuietResentments
#SharedMeals
#PersonalEssay