A Day Spent Packing, Tracing Back Through My Married Life 2026/4/21 (Tue) R8

Kanon
April 21, 2026 19:25

While preparing for the move,
I found myself reflecting all day on my married life up to now.

As I sorted clothes and organized my medications,
putting small things in order,
memories from decades ago surfaced one after another in my mind.

I began to wonder:
Was there a time when I was truly happy?
Or had I simply been enduring, all along?

With these thoughts quietly pulling at me, I continued packing.

I remembered choosing houses.
Asking for a certain number of rooms.
Not being heard.
The day the door of our newly built home was removed without a word.

The feelings I could not put into words back then
are now slowly rising from deep within my chest.

I realized that I had never lived in a home I truly wanted.
I had always compromised, somewhere along the way.

“It can’t be helped.”
“This will do for now.”
That is how I kept life moving forward.

While putting my medicines together,
it occurred to me that perhaps my illness, too,
was the accumulation of long years of strain within this marriage.

I pushed myself at school,
and even after returning home, I was always careful, always adjusting.
Perhaps there was never truly a place where my heart could fully rest.

And yet, I kept living. I kept going.

Today’s packing did not feel like mere preparation for a move.
It felt as if I were gently folding away, one by one,
the years I had spent enduring.

At last, it is ending.
At last, I am going to a space that is mine.

With that thought, I moved my hands through the day.

⸻

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