Ao-Bura Haiku Club | Passing Summer, Swept Away
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Submission Guidelines
Create three or more haiku by yourself, and
using AI, decide on a gold medal 🥇, silver medal 🥈, and bronze medal.
Summer-themed haiku are fine even if they lack seasonal words, have overlapping seasonal words, or have extra syllables.
Submitted Works
Rip current, becoming the wife of the one who saved me
Left behind on the sandy beach, my hair ornament
Before the gelato melts, the sound of cicadas
Sea spray, skyscrapers in the night pool
Drifting away, the runaway watermelon's solo journey
In the summer sun, the hibiscus burns alone
Yamase wind blowing, thinking of hunger in the morning news
Please decide on the gold, silver, and bronze medals from the haiku above.
Judging AI - Gemini
I will provide a review of the haiku you have presented.
Overall, these are all works that vividly bring summer scenes to mind. They are rich in variety, ranging from dramatic pieces to cute, everyday snapshots.
The medals based on my selection are as follows.
🥇 Gold Medal
"Caught in a rip current, I become the wife of the one who saved me." [Review] I feel an overwhelming sense of drama and narrative scope. The progression from the life-threatening keyword "rip current" to the conclusion of sharing a life together thereafter is vivid. Within the 5-7-5 structure, there is the gravitas of a feature film.
🥈 Silver Medal
"Before the gelato melts, the cicadas cry."
[Review] The contrast between the "impatience" of summer and the "sound" is wonderful. The image of hurriedly eating melting gelato and the sound of cicadas pouring down perfectly captures the noisy yet fleeting atmosphere unique to the height of summer.
🥉 Bronze Medal
"Drifting away, the runaway watermelon on a solo journey."
[Review] The personification using "runaway" and "solo journey" is very charming. One can visualize the watermelon that was being chilled in the river or sea drifting away, leaving behind a somewhat humorous and cool lingering impression.
Comments on other haiku]
Left behind on the sandy beach, my hair ornament
The colloquial "kichatta" (ended up leaving) is cute, and makes one feel the loneliness of a lost item and the signs of summer's end.
Wave spray, skyscrapers in the night pool
The scene of an urban night pool is stylish.
In the summer sun, the hibiscus burns alone
The vitality of the hibiscus is conveyed directly.
Yamase wind blows, thinking of hunger in the morning news
There is an intellectual depth in letting one's thoughts wander from a meteorological phenomenon to society and daily life.
Below: Outside submission guidelines
An author's delusional story based on the three selected haiku
"Swept Away"
We had left a large watermelon to chill by the water's edge,
and were lost in our conversation.
The waves are a bit high today.
Enchanted by the sound of the crashing waves and the blue sea,
I looked out toward the open water and suddenly caught sight of the watermelon.
The watermelon that had been enclosed in the rocky area was being swept away by a large wave,
just starting to drift away bobbing in the water.
“Hey, hey, look at that!”
“Oh no, the watermelon!”
The three of us rushed over in a panic.
“I’ll go get it!”
Confident in my swimming, I hurriedly dove into the waves.
However, the watermelon kept drifting further and further out to sea.
A little more, just a little more—when I thought I had finally caught up to it,
I felt a strong current in the water.
What? What is this!
A powerful current, completely different from anything before and impossible to swim against, was heading out to sea.
It’s a rip current! A chill ran down my spine.
Swallowed by that current, my body was also carried out toward the open ocean.
As the coastline grew distant and I was tossed about by the waves, just as my consciousness began to fade,
I felt like I caught a glimpse of a motorboat approaching at high speed through the waves.
After that, my vision went black.
When I came to, I was lying inside a boat.
Two sun-tanned young men were surrounding me, looking worried.
After writing this far, I suddenly had an idea and
asked Gemini, “Is artificial respiration done mouth-to-mouth?”
After explaining this and that, Gemini
smirked and said, “As a story situation,
mouth-to-mouth makes for a very dramatic scene.”
I grinned looking at the illustration I had drawn in one go.
A story started on a whim on such a languid summer afternoon.
Writing the rest has become a chore, but
I’ll drink some iced tea and continue.
A year had already passed since then.
I am with my lover, looking out at that beach from a cafe on the cape.
The person by my side is the one who saved me that day.
Invited to visit that seaside,
the ocean I visited for the first time in a year was making the same sound of waves as always.
From the forest in the distance, the sound of cicadas.
Before long, colorful gelato was brought over.
“Wow, it looks delicious! What a beautiful color.”
“Yeah...”
I immediately picked up my spoon, not noticing that he was quieter than usual.
He was gently touching the ring he had prepared in his pocket.
While he had made up his mind that today was the day, he was a little anxious and hesitant.
At that moment, from the trees in the forest,
mingling with the sound of the waves, a particularly cool chorus of cicadas rained down.
As if whispering, “Come on, before the gelato melts...”
Note
Rip current
A strong current where waves crashing on the shore pass through a specific narrow path and flow back out to sea
Akira Yamane's project
I would like to submit this to the theme “Blue Bra Haiku Club | Passing Summer.”
Thank you very much.
