from "Woman Sleeping In A Room Full Of Hummingbirds" by Derrick Brown
... I was fake. I tried all kinds of leadership seminars to shirk these feelings of being fake.
I started making lists to get the stripes back on the tiger. I was watching my stripes slip from my spine, laying there on the ground like a bunch of parentheses. Not to sound self-righteous, but the lists became my glue to become myself again.
It was text I had crafted from a place I didn't ever know existed. No bald headed philosophies. Just boot strap shit.
Go away therapy. Flush home pills. Make lists. My lists started out strange. When I got to the end of them, I felt beautiful, but yes, they did start out strange.
#1. Do something rebellious to get out of your comfort zone.
My first graffiti art said, "Don't pierce your babies ears. They don't like it and no one thinks it's cute except for you and your friends with jet skis." That felt pretty bitchin' and looked kinda gangsta in a Mormon sorta way.
#2. Write something down that is impossible and write it as possible.
It took me awhile but I came up with this little gem.
"Be on time."
There was a whole bunch I made, which are a bit embarrassing, but the last one became my favorite.
#46. One day, when you are tired of being broken, carefully strap little LED lights to hummingbirds, at least 52 of them and release the birds in your lover's bedroom at night.
When he or she asks what is going on, tell him or her to be still, lay there like idiots, make some dumb wishes and enjoy your shooting stars. The ones you made on your own. Make endless wishes.
