The Girl and the Surgeon
In which Tritch is allowed to interact with young children.
The Girl and The Surgeon
All right, ya lil' hoodlums. Settle down. Matron Battlewail an' Tosamina says I gotta tell ya a story. And I gotta do what Matron and Tosamina tell me 'cause that's what it says on my community service writ, and you lot gotta do what they tell ya 'cause... 'cause I dunno. I made a rope outta stolen Dranosh'ar undies an' tied it around Grommash Hall, what are you in for?
Right, right, story. Um, I c'd tell ya HOW I got th'underwear around th'Hall? It took some doin'. Hall's pretty big, took a lot o' shorts. An' it were awful hard knottin' all them undies in th' dark, especially with a buncha guards huntin' ya all cranky cause Dranosh'ar uniforms ain't really built fer goin' commando an' they're chafin' their....
...Tosamina's shakin' 'er head no. Sorry, kids, that story's been vetoed. Maybe when yer older.
Lessee... Story... Story.... How 'bout th'story of The Girl and The Surgeon? S'an old Forsaken folk-tale. Well, not that old. Forsaken only been around a few years. But th'story's too damn old, old as dirt, even if I... WE ain't been tellin' it our way long.
Right, then. The Girl and The Surgeon...
...Once upon a time, there was a girl who got hurt. Hurt bad. But she was saved by th'Surgeon.
Th'Surgeon was a genius. He could work miracles with medicine, like magic. He could make even th'dead feel better, so they say.
Th'girl got patched up, better than she was before. An' when she opened her eyes an' saw th'man who saved 'er, she saw a man who weren't only a genius, but gentle, an' kind, an' sweet. Well, okay, mostly at first she just saw that 'e was REALLY cute. But she figured th'rest out pretty quick too. So when 'e asked 'er, she said yes, an' she went t'him, an' lived with him, an' was HIS girl. An' she was happy. She was so happy.
They'd been t'gether a while when 'e came home fr'm work distraught. His mood were black, his face downcast.
"What's wrong, Love?" th'girl asked.
"I have a patient whom I cannot help," he lamented, "A carpenter who has lost her left arm. Without it, she has no livelihood, and cannot feed her family."
"Normally t'would be an easy thing to sew on a new arm, but alas! I have no arm to give her."
He looked at th'girl, an' had a thought. "My darling, can you spare your left arm? I hate to ask, save that the need is so dire."
It made th'girl's heart ache to see her man so sad, so she said "why, is that all? Give her mine, then. I can surely get by without it."
So th'Surgeon cut off her left arm, and such a neat job he did that it scarcely hurt her. He sewed it on to th'carpenter, who was so grateful that she built th'Surgeon an' his girl a fine new house t'live in, which was surely a good trade for an arm, th'girl thought. What's an arm? She could still hug th'man she loved, even if it were a bit lopsided.
They'd been livin' in th'fine new house fer a while when th'Surgeon came home in misery again.
"What's wrong, Love?" th'girl asked.
"I have a patient whom I cannot help," he bemoaned. "A miner who has lost his right arm. Without it he has no livelihood, and cannot feed his family."
"Normally t'would be an easy thing to sew on a new arm, but alas! I have no arm to give him."
He looked at th'girl, an' had a thought. "My darling, can you spare your right arm? I hate to ask, save that the need is so dire."
It made th'girl's heart ache to see her man so sad, so she said "This old thing? He can have it. I hardly use it."
So th'Surgeon cut off her right arm, and such a neat job he did that it scarcely hurt her. He sewed it on to th'miner, who was so grateful that he showered th'Surgeon an' his girl with heaps of gold an' jewels, which was surely a good trade for an arm, th'girl thought. An' it paid fer servants t'do th'tasks she couldn't manage no more without arms. Though... she did miss huggin' her man.
A while after... th'surgeon came home sorrowin' again, bleak-faced and teary eyed.
"What's wrong, Love?" th'girl asked.
"I have a patient whom I cannot help," th'surgeon whispered brokenly. "Th'King, our King, his heart is failing. He will surely die of it, and he has no heir. Our land will fall to ruin."
"Normally it would be an easy thing to simply take the bad heart out. I have learned by my arts that a heart is not nearly so necessary as one might suppose. But alas! The King is simply too old and frail to do without."
He looked at the girl, and had a thought. "My darling, can you spare your heart? I hate to ask, save that the need is so dire."
The girl hesitated, but her heart... necessary or not, her heart ached so to see her man sad.
"My heart is yours, Love. It was always yours, to do with as you please."
So the surgeon cut away her heart, and did such a neat job of it that it scarcely hurt her.
She barely knew it was gone.
He sewed it into th'King, who was so grateful that he made th'surgeon Prince of all th'realm, and his girl a Princess, and bade them come live with him in th'palace. A crown was surely a fine trade for a heart, th'girl thought. She didn't even miss huggin' th'Surgeon any more....
Some time after their coronation, th'Surgeon (now th'Prince) came into their royal chambers, his face a mask o' despair.
"What's wrong?" asked th'girl.
"I have a patient whom I cannot help," he said, weepin' openly.
"Who is it?" asked th'girl.
"Myself," he sighed, "myself. My wits are beginning to leave me. My mind is beginning to decay. The medical miracles do not come so easily. The art of statecraft, which the King is trying to teach me, is coming slow, far, far, too slow. I fear that when the King dies, I shall not be able to do all that is expected of me."
He looked at th'girl, an' had a thought. "My darling, might I have a little of your brain?"
"I hate to ask, save that the need is so dire..."
An'... th'girl's heart... did not ache. Because it weren't there.
Th'girl didn' feel nothin' at all.
An' th'girl said "No."
Th'Surgeon blinked, an' asked again, thinkin' he'd misheard.
An' th'girl KICKED HIM INNA FACE.
She kicked him over an' over. She kicked th'surgeon's head in. Until his failin' brains soaked through her shoes.
An' then she ran. She ran an' ran an' ran.
Maybe she's still runnin'.
The end.
I... dunno, what th'moral is. I'm still tryina figure that out meself. Maybe it's a warnin' not t'give too much of yerself away. Or maybe it's a warnin' that if yer gonna start choppin' somebody into parts, take th'legs first.
Or th'heart last.
G'night, I guess, kiddies.
Sleep tight.
The Girl and The Surgeon
All right, ya lil' hoodlums. Settle down. Matron Battlewail an' Tosamina says I gotta tell ya a story. And I gotta do what Matron and Tosamina tell me 'cause that's what it says on my community service writ, and you lot gotta do what they tell ya 'cause... 'cause I dunno. I made a rope outta stolen Dranosh'ar undies an' tied it around Grommash Hall, what are you in for?
Right, right, story. Um, I c'd tell ya HOW I got th'underwear around th'Hall? It took some doin'. Hall's pretty big, took a lot o' shorts. An' it were awful hard knottin' all them undies in th' dark, especially with a buncha guards huntin' ya all cranky cause Dranosh'ar uniforms ain't really built fer goin' commando an' they're chafin' their....
...Tosamina's shakin' 'er head no. Sorry, kids, that story's been vetoed. Maybe when yer older.
Lessee... Story... Story.... How 'bout th'story of The Girl and The Surgeon? S'an old Forsaken folk-tale. Well, not that old. Forsaken only been around a few years. But th'story's too damn old, old as dirt, even if I... WE ain't been tellin' it our way long.
Right, then. The Girl and The Surgeon...
...Once upon a time, there was a girl who got hurt. Hurt bad. But she was saved by th'Surgeon.
Th'Surgeon was a genius. He could work miracles with medicine, like magic. He could make even th'dead feel better, so they say.
Th'girl got patched up, better than she was before. An' when she opened her eyes an' saw th'man who saved 'er, she saw a man who weren't only a genius, but gentle, an' kind, an' sweet. Well, okay, mostly at first she just saw that 'e was REALLY cute. But she figured th'rest out pretty quick too. So when 'e asked 'er, she said yes, an' she went t'him, an' lived with him, an' was HIS girl. An' she was happy. She was so happy.
They'd been t'gether a while when 'e came home fr'm work distraught. His mood were black, his face downcast.
"What's wrong, Love?" th'girl asked.
"I have a patient whom I cannot help," he lamented, "A carpenter who has lost her left arm. Without it, she has no livelihood, and cannot feed her family."
"Normally t'would be an easy thing to sew on a new arm, but alas! I have no arm to give her."
He looked at th'girl, an' had a thought. "My darling, can you spare your left arm? I hate to ask, save that the need is so dire."
It made th'girl's heart ache to see her man so sad, so she said "why, is that all? Give her mine, then. I can surely get by without it."
So th'Surgeon cut off her left arm, and such a neat job he did that it scarcely hurt her. He sewed it on to th'carpenter, who was so grateful that she built th'Surgeon an' his girl a fine new house t'live in, which was surely a good trade for an arm, th'girl thought. What's an arm? She could still hug th'man she loved, even if it were a bit lopsided.
They'd been livin' in th'fine new house fer a while when th'Surgeon came home in misery again.
"What's wrong, Love?" th'girl asked.
"I have a patient whom I cannot help," he bemoaned. "A miner who has lost his right arm. Without it he has no livelihood, and cannot feed his family."
"Normally t'would be an easy thing to sew on a new arm, but alas! I have no arm to give him."
He looked at th'girl, an' had a thought. "My darling, can you spare your right arm? I hate to ask, save that the need is so dire."
It made th'girl's heart ache to see her man so sad, so she said "This old thing? He can have it. I hardly use it."
So th'Surgeon cut off her right arm, and such a neat job he did that it scarcely hurt her. He sewed it on to th'miner, who was so grateful that he showered th'Surgeon an' his girl with heaps of gold an' jewels, which was surely a good trade for an arm, th'girl thought. An' it paid fer servants t'do th'tasks she couldn't manage no more without arms. Though... she did miss huggin' her man.
A while after... th'surgeon came home sorrowin' again, bleak-faced and teary eyed.
"What's wrong, Love?" th'girl asked.
"I have a patient whom I cannot help," th'surgeon whispered brokenly. "Th'King, our King, his heart is failing. He will surely die of it, and he has no heir. Our land will fall to ruin."
"Normally it would be an easy thing to simply take the bad heart out. I have learned by my arts that a heart is not nearly so necessary as one might suppose. But alas! The King is simply too old and frail to do without."
He looked at the girl, and had a thought. "My darling, can you spare your heart? I hate to ask, save that the need is so dire."
The girl hesitated, but her heart... necessary or not, her heart ached so to see her man sad.
"My heart is yours, Love. It was always yours, to do with as you please."
So the surgeon cut away her heart, and did such a neat job of it that it scarcely hurt her.
She barely knew it was gone.
He sewed it into th'King, who was so grateful that he made th'surgeon Prince of all th'realm, and his girl a Princess, and bade them come live with him in th'palace. A crown was surely a fine trade for a heart, th'girl thought. She didn't even miss huggin' th'Surgeon any more....
Some time after their coronation, th'Surgeon (now th'Prince) came into their royal chambers, his face a mask o' despair.
"What's wrong?" asked th'girl.
"I have a patient whom I cannot help," he said, weepin' openly.
"Who is it?" asked th'girl.
"Myself," he sighed, "myself. My wits are beginning to leave me. My mind is beginning to decay. The medical miracles do not come so easily. The art of statecraft, which the King is trying to teach me, is coming slow, far, far, too slow. I fear that when the King dies, I shall not be able to do all that is expected of me."
He looked at th'girl, an' had a thought. "My darling, might I have a little of your brain?"
"I hate to ask, save that the need is so dire..."
An'... th'girl's heart... did not ache. Because it weren't there.
Th'girl didn' feel nothin' at all.
An' th'girl said "No."
Th'Surgeon blinked, an' asked again, thinkin' he'd misheard.
An' th'girl KICKED HIM INNA FACE.
She kicked him over an' over. She kicked th'surgeon's head in. Until his failin' brains soaked through her shoes.
An' then she ran. She ran an' ran an' ran.
Maybe she's still runnin'.
The end.
I... dunno, what th'moral is. I'm still tryina figure that out meself. Maybe it's a warnin' not t'give too much of yerself away. Or maybe it's a warnin' that if yer gonna start choppin' somebody into parts, take th'legs first.
Or th'heart last.
G'night, I guess, kiddies.
Sleep tight.
