I'm realizing how truly unhappy I am with my life and myself.

I have hit bad moments in my life but now I'm a goner. My parents are never stop fighting, I don't have friends at work or even outside of work. I'm sick of my own face. I started to not look in mirrors because why would I want to see how ugly I am?

I know people care about me online but I feel more like a burden than a real friend to them. Everyone deserves someone better than me. 

I remember when I felt love and happiness when I came online but now I feel like a pest and lonely feelings normally take over myself. 

i'm not killing myself but i should leave everything that I have to be myself. everyone's life will be so much better.

Within the last three months, I have lost my aunt and my grandpa.

I can't even put it in words how I feel right now. I'm not a strong person to start with so having two people who were there when I was growing up die without any warnings. My aunt died of liver failure and my grandpa's heart stopped working when he was on his way to work. 

I haven't seen my mom is over two weeks because she has been in Washington DC working on my grandpa's house so I'm taking care of the house and the kids. 

I realized today that I'm not dealing with it at all. I numbed myself from thinking about my aunt's death and now it's harder to do that for  my grandpa. Most of the day I feel like I got stabbed and I'm dealing with the pain.

This is truly the hardest thing I have ever dealt with.

(I'm going to list one or more thing(s) a day that I'm grateful for in the year 2012)

1. Seeing We bought a zoo with Mattie and Courtney. It was free because of me and them buying three dvds.
2. 12 cent ice cream cones at Sonic
3. Realizing that I need to make Comic Con about what I want to do and not what others think I should do.

My mom's sister is dying. The same woman who has cost my family a lot but still my mom's flesh and blood and Courtney's mom is going to die.

I don't know how to feel. I'm upset for my mom and Courtney but, idk...her sister has done a lot to me and people I love. I feel like a heartless bitch for that...

I just heard from my dad that they are pulling the plug soon.

I'm done. 

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