A Quiet Room

Never Wanted to Dance

2011-08-30T05:24:05Z

Title: Never Wanted to Dance
Rating: M for Mature Content, Language and some gore
Inspired by: Mindless Self Indulgence
Summary: I got mind fucked and decided to manipulate Kurt Cobain and Nirvana. Seriously listen to this song and this fic will probably be so much better. (My first live journal entry....)

    "Stop that!!" His head turned, blood dripping from his nostrils, he could taste it in his mouth and smiled, "There is nothing you could do that I haven't already done to myself, love." His eyes were dilated wide, covering most of the piercing blue. He gushed blood from his head; his blonde hair was matted and tangled with his own seeping, thick crimson liquid. His skull was barely intact on some parts of his face, and his face was absolutely RED.

He stumbled down the stairs, gripping the railing loosely enough to keep on his feet. A guitar riff was sounding in the back of his mind, a new one? He felt his feet falling out from under him, the steps seemed so far down and he misjudged…

Be nice! "Be nice to me!" He screamed in a howl as a petite bloody, body fell down the concrete stairs, landing in a blood drenched heap at the bottom. Dave jumped down, running to the bottom of the stairs, "Kurt!" The blonde picked himself up, wobbly legged and still staggered forward, seeing that brick wall in the distance. A door creaked open and he could see the fluorescent glow. He wanted it. Dave would not stop him.

Kurt's scathed hands reached out to the glow stick colored light that seeped out onto the dirty, alley ground. Garbage littered around his feet, he shuffled through it, smiling and staring forward. Dave stared, not knowing what he could do at this point, breathlessly, "Fuck you Kurt! I don't know what it is you see out there!"

The huddled, hunching twenty something Kurt, who looked more elderly than young, but with that sick, twisted gleaming in his dulled eyes. His head dangled at an inhuman angle, "You can't see it?" Dave's eyes got wider and wider as Kurt giggled madly, reaching out for his hand. Kurt ground his teeth together, licking his dry lips, "Come, follow me, I'll show you."

Dave tried to pull away from him, but he kept a firm grip, dragging his drummer toward the brick wall, trying to navigate towards the door. The door was black and red, flashing and changing colors as the glow stick greens and blues seeped out through any crack they could into the nearly pitch black alley.

Kurt reached out for the doorway but felt Dave's hand tremble and turned around, snapping his eyes up at Dave instantly. His expression was furious, and it scared Dave, but then immediately twisted into a mad man's smile, "Don't be scared! I only ever wanted to dance with you," One of Kurt's long, blood stained fingers touched Dave's lips, as he muttered, "Shh-hhh."

He turned his mad focus back to the door and yanked it open slowly. The instant it flung open a mad blur of fluorescent, blinding colors and ear drum murdering noisy beats and screaming. Dave shrieked, "SHUT IT!" Kurt twitched all over, his eyes rolling back as he took a step into the chaos.

Dave struggled against his grip, screaming and trying to escape this, "Let me go!" Kurt pulled him in with him despite all his desperate pleading and screaming. Kurt struggled through the doorway, yanking the screaming Dave with him. The moment they got in everything stopped, they were surrounded and enveloped by white light, and a chorus of screaming, hoarse, "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah's" They were blinded by the light and impeccable noise that seemed to come from nowhere but melted into their ears, becoming a part of them.

Kurt exhaled softly, "Perfect,"

Dave yanked his hand away finally but felt his body freeze, paralyzed in the white light. There was nothing but he and Kurt in this nothingness. He whimpered, "Kurt take me out of here, I'm scared!"

Kurt closed his eyes and sighed peacefully, "Finally, we're here." His voice was ominous and all knowing. Dave stared at him and watched with horror and fear as the wounds that surrounded his face and body sucked themselves away. He watched Kurt heal before his eyes, and watched the crimson blood wipe away into the nothing. His blonde hair twisted and blew upward and then settled back down on his shoulders, shining clean.

Kurt had been cleansed before him, healed and everything. His skin was perfect porcelain, with no blemishes or anything, perfect as cream. His hair was gold, pure spun gold. Dave's lips trembled when he stared at him. Kurt had become an angel. No exaggeration, he was literally a golden haired, pale angel. All he was missing were white wings.

Dave's chest thudded, shaking and shuddering. He was terrified. What did this mean? Kurt re opened his eyes and set them upon Dave. Dave had never seen blue before that moment. Kurt's eyes were the purest, blue crystal in the entire universe, there was no other blue but his. They shone with sparkling radiance and stared into Dave, Kurt's voice rang around the nothingness, speaking all knowingly, "Nirvana."

Dave couldn't breathe, "W-what the fffuck are you talking about?"

A small, amused smile played at the corners of Kurt's perfect lips, "We made it."

The trembling brunette began to cry, "Kurt stop it!! Stop fucking scaring me!" Kurt stared at Dave for a moment before he reached out and touched one of his tears with the tip of his finger. A confused expression dashed across his angelic face, "…But… this doesn't make sense…" The next moment he looked at Dave there was a blue fire in his eyes, full of rage and pain. He thundered, "NO!"

Dave cried harder, seeing Kurt scream so hard and then got the sensation he was falling. Dave tried to scream but no sound would come from him. He stared up and saw that white, peaceful nothingness they were standing in set on fire. Kurt stood in the very height of the flames, his eyes on fire with blue igniting fires, staring down at Dave as he fell.

With heartbroken blue eyes.

Dave fell and fell, trying to scream, trying to cry. But was incapable of anything and could only fall. Back down to earth, through the stars, shooting down and down and down before thudding and hitting hard into his own body. "Dave?!"  He opened his eyes slowly, it hurt. Everything was throbbing. It was as if he'd broken every part of him in that free fall of death.

His eyes started registering light and things in front of him. Krist kneeled over him with EMTs and ambulances behind him, "DAVE?!" He screamed, shaking his shoulders roughly.

Dave winced, and moaned. Krist heard it, "Dave?? Say something!!"

He croaked, "Kurt,"

Krist couldn't believe that's what he actually said and asked again, "Wha?"

Dave could barely speak but somehow found the strength to moan, "He's up there…"

Krist's eyes fell to the concrete, "Yes, we know…"

Petty Self Promotion :D

2009-09-09T02:57:46Z

punk_rock_cock

A community I made for Punk Rock slash fiction.
It's mainly made for 70's - 90's punk rock bands but I'm permitting Grunge too. *hint hint*
This is for anyone who has fun writing slash.
We aren't srs bns here, so anything lulz-worthy is welcome. (Just keep it on-topic)

I hope I can get people here because the past communities I made were failures. XD

Peace.

(Now...if only I could actually write some shit. -__-)

hey guys.

2009-09-02T13:39:55Z

hey everyone, my name is emma and i run a message board called 'not another cult forum'. it spawned out of the demise of kurt-cobain.com - does anyone here remember that place? it was a very special place while it was open & we tried to recreate a forum just like it, but unfortunately a lot of the old members have grown up and grown away from kurt/nirvana/that whole scene. if anyone here is interested, please come along and have a chat! i still post there as often as i can. musical_rain told me about this place btw. if anyone would like to advertise at my lj community ( cobainshrine ) or the forum that's completely fine, sorry that my first post here is a promotion thing!

Please join

2009-08-16T06:27:25Z

For people who love to write stories about bands or anyone. Please join, we're a new band/anything righting community. We'd love to have you.

http://community.livejournal.com/write_musically/profile

Shameless self promotion...

2009-08-12T04:15:38Z

***Hi, out there! Just a bit of shameless community whoring to anyone who likes to read/write Nirvana fanfiction and slash. Please come check it out, the com is members-only so you'll have to make a request to join :)

Please check it out? *makes puppy dog eyes*

we_are_nirvana

Antidepressants

2009-08-09T15:35:06Z

Title: Antidepressants
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Dave/Kurt
Summery: Dave has been crushing antidepressants and putting them in Kurt's coffee.
Disclaimer: Don't own. Never happened. I got the idea from this picture.

I’ve begun crushing antidepressants and putting them in Kurt’s coffee every morning. Maybe it’s wrong – illegal even – but it’s worth it. I couldn’t stand seeing how miserable he was before. I couldn’t stand watching him attempt to fake it. I just want him to be happy.

I want him to love life. I want him to stop crying. And he finally has.

I stole Krist’s Polaroid camera and take candid pictures of him every so often. I save them all and date them so that when I start to have doubts about what I am doing, I can line them up in the order in which they were taken and watch his smile get progressively bigger and bigger.

He’s begun laughing now. And I feel as though we’re almost a real couple. Yesterday, he even told me that he loved me. It was just casual – I don’t thin he even meant ‘real’ love. Romantic love. But even so, all I could do was kiss him. He let his knees buckle and we fell, his body under mine, his arms wrapped around my waist.

It occurred to me then how often our kisses had been just a source of comfort. Little more than a gesture to say, “Hey. It’ll be okay. I love you and I promise you’ll be okay.” Now they are all about the moment, a spark, love even.

Kurt doesn’t know. Of course not. How do you go about telling somebody that? He had gotten the prescription himself and angrily tossed the bottle on the counter.

“Medicine is for pussies.” He’d mumbled.

I’d tried to talk him into at least trying them, but once Kurt decides he’s not going to do something, there’s no changing his mind.

I don’t want to tell him what I’m doing. I can’t. But by the time the week is up, everything will return back to how it always was. Fake smiles, hidden tears…I don’t think he knows that when he cries, I cry. Because I see how miserable he is and there is nothing that I can do to make it go away.

I don’t think he knows that I’m scared either. Because I’ve caught glimpses of journal entries.

I’m scared. Because if he were ever to die…I don’t think that I could go on. Now that he has entered my life – and somehow lit it up – I can’t bear to imagine life without Kurt.

But all of this is a lot to think about. And to be honest, I don’t want to. I’m not one to stew in my thoughts like he is. He can spend hours just…thinking. I like to live in the moment and focus on nothing but that. I more than like to. I need to.

Because Kurt will wake up soon, and I have to have his coffee ready before he comes downstairs.

When On Tour

2009-08-09T08:09:28Z

Title: When On Tour,
Chapter: Part one
Rating: PG-13/R
Warnings: Language, some humour that people may find offensive
Summary: A collection of various drabbles surrounding the backstage antics of Nirvana, when on tour.
Disclaimer: These aren’t real. I wrote them. As far as I know, they never happened. I don’t own anyone or anything.

When On Tour
Part One

Vomit

Dave laughs as Krist leans forwards. The anticipation is building for them all – nerves are lining their stomachs, but Krist more so as he bows forwards and throws up again. Kurt laughs loudly and zooms in as the sick splurges on the floor.

“Get that…” Krist gasps “fucking camera out of my face -”

Kurt laughs even harder, getting as close to Krist as he can. Dave is almost collapsed on the floor, as Krist tries to stop Kurt and puts his hand over the camera lens and pushes him away.

The camera falls, perilously close to the vomit and the view from the lens is sideways. Kurt’s shoe, Krist’s hand, Dave’s shoe.

The camera is picked up. Dave is holding it now; Krist has walked off, but has stopped to be sick again near the amplifier. Dave films him, and then pans the camera round to Kurt who has already started flicking vomit everywhere.

Kurt flicks vomit at the camera lens and laughs loudly at Dave’s disgust. He moves towards Dave, his fingers still plastered with the contents of Krist’s stomach.

“That’s fucking disgusting, Kurt,” Dave mumbles, smiling, from behind the camera.

Kurt gets closer; the camera shakes, and Dave shouts out and turns, starts to run, Kurt chases him, his fingers covered in the sticky sick and the camera moves, picking up the sounds of Dave’s feet slapping against the ground, his breathing heavy and panicked, but laughing at the same time.

Kurt’s laughter can be heard as Dave screams like a girl and, still holding the camera, he turns, filming a close-up of Kurt’s body, leaning forwards – his t-shirt blurs the lens and then he steps back.

“It’s in my fucking hair! That’s so fucking gross!” Dave shouts.

Kurt smiles looking straight into the lens and then raises his hand, covering it with the rest of the sick, smearing it into the glass.

***

Sleep Assault

No one wakes Kurt when he is sleeping. It’s not often Kurt gets to sleep and when he does its precious and valuable. Kurt does not return the jester that his band-mates so often show to him.

The room, in which they are staying before they can start rehearsal, is scattered with food and beer cans, coke cans and bottled water. The table is a mess; covered with empty packets of potato chips, candy wrappers, half eaten hot dogs, dented coke cans and a turned-over ashtray.

On the sofa, Dave is asleep. His arms are folded; his legs sprawled across the seating and his head resting back on the arm of the sofa. His hair is messy, straggled and lank. His mouth is wide open.

Fronting the idea with just a single look, Kurt glances to Krist and Krist is grins to Kurt, knowing exactly what he is planning. Kurt starts to place items over Dave – potato chip packets, coke cans – all the items from the table are rested over Dave’s sleeping body.

Kurt tries to contain his laughter as Krist crumbles up the hotdog roll and crumbs cascade into Dave’s long, dark hair. He remains asleep.

They tie his shoelaces together as tightly and as closely as they can. Kurt balls up some tissue and carefully places it in Dave’s mouth. He is still oblivious.

Then, Kurt picks up one of the hotdogs between his thumb and forefinger and very, very carefully unzips Dave’s fly.

Grinning like an idiot, he carefully parts the fly of Dave’s jeans and puts the hotdog – with the rounded tip facing up and out – in the opening. Then, he uses one of the mayonnaise packets and squirts it all over the end of the hotdog and splatters some over Dave’s jeans for good measure.

The rest of the hotdog is broken up and finds it way up Dave’s left nostril, by which time Dave begins to stir. Sniggering and trying not to laugh, Krist and Kurt take photos of Dave sleeping and just as he starts to wake.

Confused and tired, he frowns, wondering why his mouth feels dry and the scent of hotdogs is so strong.

He wakes fully now, spitting out the tissue and removing the bits of hotdog from his nostril, he sees Kurt and Krist laughing.

“Good dream?” Krist screams, laughing and holding his sides. Dave looks down and sees the hotdog, phallic-looking and covered with mayo.

He shifts, feeling himself grow annoyed, yet amused at the same time.

Kurt is doubled over, laughing loudly, but looks up in time to see Dave get up and then crumple over to the ground – his feet tightly tied together.

Kurt falls to the ground in a furious bout of laughter, cackling loudly and crying at the sight of Dave, with breadcrumbs in his hair, empty packets surrounding him and mayo on his lap and a hotdog peeking out of his fly.

“You’re not funny!” Dave screams, his body in a foetal position, but his face lightened by the grin he is flashing. “You’re fucking bastards and I hate you all!”

Krist continues to take photos, documenting every moment of the debilitated Dave, his stomach hurting from laughing so much. Kurt remains on the floor, screaming in laughter and after a few moments of struggling, Dave gives up, lying on the floor defeated. He has been yet another victim of Kurt’s Sleep Assault.

***

Don’t trust Kurt

Kurt has disappeared, as usual. Krist and Dave are concerned – they have ten minutes before the show starts and they have no idea where he is. Suddenly he appears, grinning, pleased and chirpy.

“Where have you been?” Krist asks.

Dave narrows his eyes. “And what have you been doing?” Knowing better than to trust Kurt’s expression.

Kurt shrugs and turns to the door. “Just getting ready for the show,” he smiles.

The smile Kurt flashes them, is not to be trusted. It is a look of pure misbehaviour and trouble. Both Dave and Krist know this and are left feeling unnerved by his expression as they make their way on stage to their awaiting instruments.

The lights go out, they are all in place and then, the lights go up, full beamed and bright, and Kurt begins to play.

Krist tries to, but finds his bass has been de-strung, only to be replaced with normal string.

The skins of Dave’s drums have been sliced down the middle and the symbols are covered in a brown, smelly substance that Dave does not care to investigate.

Kurt stops, trying not to laugh, the audience are loud but unsure but then, as Dave stands, and Krist turns to him, the lights go dim and two spotlights settle on them both. Seconds later – with no time to react, a shower of thick, red, gunge is released from above them and both Dave and Krist are covered in the red, smelly, sticky gloop.

Kurt screams with laughter and turns to the audience. “Could you give us a few minutes to reset?” He grins and then turns and walks off stage, leaving Dave and Krist to face the audience alone.

-End Of Part One

Good Enough For Now

2009-08-08T02:56:18Z

Title: Good Enough For Now
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Kurt/Dave
Summery: Kurt regrets telling Dave that they can't be together anymore.
Disclaimer: Don't own. Never happened.

I haven’t slept in…God knows how many days. Not since I broke the news to you.

I shake my head. How did I let this happen? Just a few weeks ago we were so close to really being something. Boyfriends. A couple. And now we’re back to being nothing. All because I got Courtney pregnant.

I look desperately at the phone beside my bed, trying to will it to ring. I need you to call me. I need to apologize to you. To tell you that I’m not the type of guy to get a woman pregnant, then dump her. After all, I don’t want my kid to have to grow up the way I did. I’d rather die than let that happen.

I suppose it would be easier to just call you, but I don’t want to. I want you to make the first move. I don’t want to believe that you would really give me up that easily. I turn away from the silent phone. You’re not going to call. Your voice keeps playing in my head. “It’s not like it ever meant anything. We’re just messing around.”

I bite my lip. I had finally told you that my engagement meant that we couldn’t be together anymore. I had put it off for so long…and I was so nervous. I’m surprised you could even understand me, considering how fast I was speaking.

I don’t know what I’d expected. Did I think that you would beg and plead with me? You’re not that type. I don’t know what I’d expected, but it sure as hell wasn’t what I got.

A blank stare, followed by a calm, “Okay.”

I’d stared at you, confused.

“Okay?”

“Yeah. It’s fine. It’s not like it ever meant anything. We’re just messing around.”

I’d looked away, trying to hide the hurt that must have been evident in my eyes.

“Oh. Right. Okay then. I’m glad that you’re okay with um…with all of this.” And then I’d walked away. Even though my head was screaming at me to stay. But was the point? Over the years, it had become habit to listen for the sound of your footsteps and I could hear you walking in the opposite direction.

I wish I would have stayed. Maybe then I’d be sleeping in your arms instead of lying in a cold bed next to Courtney.

She has a tight grip on my hand even though she is asleep. I hate the way that it feels. There’s nothing especially wrong with it…it’s just not yours.

I’ve been reading my journal by the light of my small, bedside lamp all night. Most entries are about you, about us. The ones from a few weeks ago are the hardest. The ones where I thought that we would be something. The ones where I talked about our future.

I can’t even just flip through them blindly, because the margins are covered in scribbles that should belong to an eight year old girl. Not a 25 year old man.

Things such as: I love Dave Grohl and Kurt + Dave forever.

Why the hell did I write that? I guess that that’s what love will do to you.

Love. Is that what this is?

I look again at the phone. Who am I kidding? Of course it is. I carefully pick it up and dial your number with some difficulty, as I only have one hand available.

After several rings, you answer.

“Hello?” You sound half-asleep and it occurs to me that I must have woken you up.

“Sorry. What time is it?”

You sigh.

“Three in the fucking morning…That’d better not be why you called, Kurt.”

“No. No. I just wanted to tell you…um…what I said before about…about us…” I stop, remembering that according to you, there was no ‘us’.

The realization makes my mind blank and I sit in silence. A couple minutes go by without either of us saying something and I begin to wonder if you hung up.

“Dave?”

“I have to go.”

I hang up the phone and lie down, crying softly into my pillow.

Several hours later I’m beginning to pass into that state in between sleep and awareness. I have a slight headache from crying over you. I hear my name being whispered and I open my eyes.

You’re standing by my bed. I sit up, blinking.

“Dave?”

“I have to talk to you. Come on.”

I shake my head.

“I don’t wanna wake up Courtney.” I say, motioning to her hand gripping mine. You roll your eyes.

“My God, Kurt.” You roughly pull my hand out of her clutch. I freeze, waiting for her to awaken. There is no response. You tug on my hand slightly and lead me through my house and out the front door.

“How’d you get in?”

“You gave me a key. I really have to talk to you.”

“Okay. But first – ”

“No. I’m going first.” Several moments pass as you seem to search for words. Finally, I decide to speak anyways.

“I didn’t mean it.” I’m surprised to hear the exact same words come out of your mouth. You look just as surprised.

“You didn’t?”

“No! Well…I mean…I did. But I can’t follow through with it.”

You smile.

“Good. Because I wasn’t going to let you anyways. Damn, Kurt. Don’t look so surprised. Did you really think that I was telling the truth before?”

I don’t answer.

“Damn. And you’re always telling me that I suck at lying…” Why didn’t I realized that you were lying?

“Well, you didn’t sound like yourself. You sounded…weird.”

“Sad, maybe?”

I remember your voice and realize that without looking at you, it would have been easy to mistake monotone sadness with a calm, ‘who gives a shit’ attitude.

“Oh…”

You shake your head.

“Anyways, that’s not really the point…I…the point is…I understand the whole Courtney thing, I guess. But…I don’t wanna end this um…thing. Whatever it is that we have. Cause we do have something. It’s not a relationship really. It’s more like a…”

You continue to ramble and I raise my eyebrows, amused. When you pause to take a breath, I kiss you.

“Does it really need a name?” My voice is soft.

“I…” You appear mesmerized.

“I mean, I know what I’m feeling…and not all feelings can be labeled that simply.”

“I…I know what I feel too…”

“Then that’s good enough…for now at least.” You smile and kiss the top of my head.

We watch the sun begin to rise in silence. Your hand finds mine and I smile. I can't think of any place that I would rather be.

“What time is it?”

I glance down at my watch.

“About 6:30.”

“There’s a Dennys pretty close. You wanna get breakfast?” I nod.

I pause to kiss you once more before we leave.

I smile once again. This time, I meant what I said. Maybe we’re not a couple. Maybe we’re not anything. But it doesn’t matter. Walking by your side, my hand in yours…that’s good enough for now.

Fanart for Heavier Than Heaven

2009-08-07T22:41:51Z

Type your cut contents here.

A Good Plan...

2009-08-07T08:10:57Z

Title: A Good Plan...
Pairing: Kurt Cobain/Dave Grohl/Krist Novoselic
Bandom: Nirvana
Rating: M
Warnings: sexual references
Summary: Long overdue is some humor from me, but here it is, finally. Very short fic inspired by this video.
Disclaimer: I don't know nor own Nirvana, or SNL, or the video. Though it is on my iPod, and I watch it all the time...

Dave shivered when he felt the soft, warm touch of large hands on his shoulders. He would have shied away, but he knew what that touch was promising him, and he could only grin. He was spun around, and fell willingly into the embrace. Firm fingers grasped the sides of his head, and tilted his face upwards to the sky. He brought his own hands up, and buried them in wiry, dark hair, tugging on the short ponytail.

Krist's lips were wet against his own, and he just had to lick them. He felt bold even in the face of this new situation, and his cocky confidence made him cheeky. He raised himself up, hands all over the bassist's neck and jawline, and kissed him back. Hard.

Krist's hand was clutching at his back, now. Nails digging in.

They rocked together in mounting ecstasy. Swaying...

Dave grunted shortly as an arm came out of nowhere and knocked his head aside, breaking his hold on Krist. He struggled against the arm, but it was persistent. Strong, for its meager size.

Kurt, never one to be left out, held the drummer at arm's length and practically lunged at Krist, wanting a taste of his own. He had to stand on the very tips of his toes, to even have a hope of reaching. His head was seized by splayed fingers and Krist fisted large hand fulls of pinkish-purple hair while he kissed their frontman. Kurt could taste a double-sensation in his mouth. Krist was there, but his mouth held traces of Dave, too. Two kisses in one, it made Kurt's spine tingle. It made his lips curl upwards in half a smile, even as the kiss deepened.

Dave couldn't stand to just watch his singer being handled like that; he wanted to hold Kurt himself, touch him himself. He made his move quickly as Krist staggered away, totally breathless from kissing. He took the petite singer deep into his arms and held him tight, tight enough to hold him secure even as he used his size and weight advantage to spin Kurt around and around. Kurt's cried out as his feet left the ground, and clutched at Dave. He felt dizzy, they were both dizzy. He could here Krist from somewhere, laughing at them. But that was fine, he could laugh all he wanted because Kurt was kissing him again, and as he surrendered to it, he decided that nothing in the world could possibly be better than this...

***********

They broke away, laughter choking them too much to continue without the risk of suffocation. Krist came over, and he was positively beaming with excitement. "Well, was that it, are we ready?"

"Yeah..." Kurt spoke slowly as he struggled to get his breath back. His bandmates were good kissers. And he still felt rather giddy. "I... I think we're ready, man. It's not like it's gonna get any better than that." Dave grinned smugly, recognizing the thinly veiled compliment as soon as he heard it. His arm was still lazily draped around Kurt's small shoulders, but there was nothing sexual about that touch. Nothing sexual at all.

"How long 'till we're on?"

"Another ten minutes, or so. And then, it's showtime." All three of them grinned, and Kurt felt his mood take a rare upwards surge that was enough to make him actually giggle. His bandmates stared, amazed at the sounds coming from his mouth. He never laughed like this. "Kurt?"

"Well," the singer gasped through his laugh. "One thing's for certain, my frends." His bandmates only watched, smirking as Kurt wiped the tears from his eyes, and let him finish. "This is going to be one episode of Saturday Night Live our fans are never going to forget!"

Insomnia

2009-08-07T01:48:33Z

*Quick Note* I'm new here, so I doubt that I'm posting this right...can somebody comment and let me know how to do it for next time? Thanks. :)

3:55 AM.

The city lights shine all around me. I yawn. This is the fifth night in a row I’ve had to go without sleep. I am so unbelievably tired, but sleep never comes. I rub my temples. The blinding lights are beginning to give me a headache.

I feel a hand clamp down on my right shoulder and my heart begins to beat wildly in my chest. I’m gonna get mugged. Or raped. And there’s no one to help me. True, there a few pedestrians, but this is New York City. Nobody gives a shit.

“Can’t sleep again?” I turn around, breathing a sigh of relief as your concerned eyes meet mine.

“Nope.”

“Walking around NYC at night? Are you crazy?” I shrug.

“Nothing better to do…” I begin to walk away, thinking that the conversation is over.

“Can I come with you?” Your question catches me off guard.

“…Why?” You smirk.

“Nothing better to do.” You tuck my greasy hair behind my ear and lean in to whisper, “And I don’t want anything to happen to you, hun.”

“I – ” Your voice rises to a normal volume.

“You’re like, a fucking magnet for trouble. And don’t try to deny it.”

“I wasn’t going to.” What I was going to say is that I’d feel much safer if it were Krist trailing after me. Of course, he would never go through all of that trouble. I doubt if he even knows that we’re out here right now.

I begin walking and I don’t even have to turn around to know that you’re following me. That’s how our relationship seems to work. I lead the way, and you blindly follow wherever I go, whatever I say. I think you would even kill yourself if I asked you to. Not that I ever would. But your puppy-like devotion has always amused me and I often entertain myself by seeing just how far you’ll go for me.

“You really should be sleeping, Dave.” I say, turning around.

“I’m not tired.” The lie would almost be believable if you didn’t yawn mid sentence. I smile.

“Liar…and we have to get up early. Remember? We have an interview at nine.”

“Five hours of sleep is enough.” You’re lying again. You’ve always been terrible at it. I could insist on you leaving – one more statement would do the trick – but I decide against it.

“Alright. It’s up to you.” I begin walking again, listening to see if you’re following me. At first, there is nothing. Within about thirty seconds however, I hear the sound of your Chucks racing to catch up to me.

It’s not a very long walk. At least, not as long as it would have been if I had been alone. I feel bad for keeping you awake, and I can’t help but imagine how bored you must be. The entire hour has been spent in complete silence – me deep in my thoughts, and you knowing better than to disturb me while I am in that state.

In front of the hotel where we’re staying, you stop me. The way all of the lights are hitting your face, it’s perfectly illuminated. You kiss me softly.

“It’s gonna be okay, Kurt. I promise…”

4:53 AM.

I pull out my old, battered notebook. Softly touching my lips where yours had been only minutes before, I pick up a pen.

For the first time in my life

I see the beauty in sleepless nights

And city lights

I frown, wondering where the fuck that came from. It’s so far off from my usual writing style..

“Can I sleep with you?” I look up to see you standing in my doorway. I quickly shut my notebook.

“What?”

“When I left, Krist decided to take up the entire bed.”

“Oh. Yeah. That’s fine.” I lay down and you climb into bed next to me. I shiver, suddenly cold. You wrap your arms around me and pull my body into yours.

“Why are you always so cold?” I don’t respond, not wanting to ruin the moment. Instead I just close my eyes and for the first time in nearly a week, I fall asleep.

Hate You So

2009-08-06T11:39:26Z

Title: Hate You So
Pairing: Kurt Cobain/Dave Grohl, slight Taylor Hawkins/Dave Grohl
Bandom: Nirvana/Foo Fighters
Rating: MA
Warnings: coarse language, references to self harm and suicide, sexual references, angst
Summary: Songfic based on lyrics of the Offspring which I have altered very slightly to make more slashy, which can be found here. Dave mourns for what he has lost.
Disclaimer: I don't own Kurt or Dave, or Dirty Magic by the Offspring. This never happened.

I don't really like the Offspring, but I was listening to this song and realized I wanted to write a short fic on it.

You're so tragic.

I should have known better, than to ever let you reach inside me. To let you into where I was my most vulnerable. Your sweet words and gentle smile. Your poisonous teeth, as you buried them into my heart. I've still got the scars on my shoulders. They're shaped like tiny, crescent moons. I've been marked by your mouth, your teeth. You scarred me. You fucking scarred me forever.

The moons on my shoulders.

The holes in my heart.

The lattice work lacing my wrists. Scissors work well, but knives are better.

Would you be ashamed, if you saw what I have become? I am a freak, trapped inside my own body. I hate the light, when I can see. I want it to be dark, always.

Pull the shades,
Razor blades,
You're so tragic.

I fought so hard, to maintain control over myself. Never, not once, did I plan to just give myself over to you. On a fucking silver platter. You stole me away; I hate myself for this. I never got over it, and I doubt I ever will, not now. Fucking hell, you ruined it all. Jesus, man, I fucking hate you for this.

Hate you so,
But love you more,
I'm so elastic.

I hate myself, for taking you back time and time again. I hate the way I cried for you, and moaned like a whore for you in bed. Your eyes blazed and your touches scalded me with sweet, boiling ice. You lips claimed me, and I didn't even care. I couldn't care. I convinced myself I wanted to be manipulated, and submissive to your wild anger. No one could ever tame you, could you? I never even tried. Maybe I should have. I don't know.

You fucked with my mind.

The things you say,
Games you play,
Dirty magic...

Your fucking, fucking games. Even then, I wanted it. I wanted to save you and your sweet fire. And get through to you. How much did I mean to you, then, even as we were fucking? Was I always only the drummer to you? Temporary, in-between. Fucking superfluous. Another drummer in a fucking archive of drummers. You never listened to me. Why would you have listened? My opinion is worthless, even to myself. I don't want to go on, now, the sunlight hurts my eyes. Cigarette buds hurt my skin. Songs on the radio hurt because they remind me of you.

I fell forever for you. And you left me. You couldn't bear to stay, but we couldn't bear to see you go. We're all insane, now. You should see us. You'd probably laugh. A bunch of screw-ups. Perfect for you, really. I could die, we could be screwed-up, together. Like we used to be.

I probably could have done something more for you, even if it came to holding you back physically. From both the drugs and the shotgun. It's that thought - that helpless ache - that keeps me awake most nights.

Your daughter looks more and more like you every day. It makes it hard to look at her, sometimes. I hope she inherited the best of you. Because you were good, as good as any of us could expect you to be, I suppose. You just fucked up. We all fucked up. And now, we're paying the price for it.

The worst part was seeing your body. The picture, of your feet. The lock of your hair, just in view. That picture is everywhere now, you can fucking google it, kids wear it on their shirts. It was the seeing that tied it together, and made it all real for me. I cried. It was the last time I ever cried for you. Until now.

Taylor reminds me of you. Except, he was just... bright. He was day where you had been night. He was radiant, and giving, and I felt safe being with him. The passion and the desire was the same, but with ut that guilt I had felt with you. It was so wonderful. But I fucking misjudged everything, and he fell and I wasn't there to catch him. And now we're here, all over again. Pristine white sheets and cleansing chemicals. Fucking hospital smells. His face is still and his hand is limp, and I'm holding it. It's cold and it makes me cry. I love him.

But I can only think of you.

He's comatose, maybe dying, and all I want is to see you again. I can't even be here, for my best friend. My lover. I've never fucking been there for him. He always knew how I felt about you. He tried so hard to be you at times, I think. Everyone can see the similarities between you, the similarity is so fucking obvious. And it killed him that he couldn't be what I really wanted. That he couldn't be you.

I guess he is you, now. Now he hates himself and he wants to die. And again, it's because of me.

Why do I punish myself into feeling this way about you? I hate you so.

I love you more.

Your dirty magic.

Nirvana :Love for All

2009-08-04T14:30:06Z

Krist's P.O.V.

Me, Dave, and a few of our friends sat in the dinning area of Brandon (our friend and person's house for the night) eating from about 4 pizza boxes. All 5 of us guzzled down slice after slice until only one box was left. Dave took one and ate it and I ate my 5th slice. I looked around as everyone laughed and then realized, where's Kurt? I ask Dave. He shrugs.
Kurt hasn't eaten anything today and needs to eat some pizza. I grab a paper plate and place 2 slices. I go around the house with Brandon trying to find Kurt. He's sitting in Brandon's daughter's room, who was out for the night. He's sitting in the corner staring into nothing in complete darkness. I hand Brandon the plate and walked to Kurt. I knelt in front of him and held his shoulder.
He looked at me as if in a horror movie. He said nothing but a single tear fell from his eye. I grabbed his limp body and held him. I'm not sure why he didn't move, but I just held him and he let tears fall. I lifted him and told Brandon he just needs some sleep. I brought him to the guest room where him, me, and Dave were going to sleep. I sat him on the ved and handed him the plate.
He wouldn't eat. I sat with him when Brandon went back party. I held the pizza to his face until he nibbled alittle bit off. His hand were constantly twitching and he mumbled little things that made no sense. He nibbled tiny bites and I stroked his back to make him sallow. I hate this state of Kurt. I hate it. He's so vulnerable.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Everyone went home except us and Brandon. "You guys know tht this room is sound proof, so if you wanna, you know, you can. I won't hear it." We all laughed and I helped Kurt get ready for bed. I laid him down in the middle of the only bed. Dave laid to his left and me to his right.

Kurt's P.O.V.

I laid in bed in between Dave and Krist. It was comfortable, but I could tell wanted to get laid. He began touching my back and I buried my head into the pillow. Krist pushed his hand away but i wanted it. I felt so alone. I made a small needy noise and he smirked and began again. Krist wasn't sure what to do. He knew I liked it but wasn't sure that I should like it.
I smirked as Dave began to moan in my ear. I turned to my back and he climbed onto me. We began kissing and Krist just watched as we did this. I could tell he was getting horny like Dave and myself. I reached up to Dave's hair and pulled on it. He tugged on my shirt's hem and reached his hand under it. he stroked my stomach and chest under my shirt and I moaned loudly.
Dave kissed from my lips to my ear an spoke softly, soft enough for Krist not to hear him but loud enough so I could. "Wanna have a threesome with Krist?" I smiled and nodded. He spoke to Krist. "Hey, wanna join us?" Krist nodded a bit rushed he sat up. Krist sat down and I sat on his lap. Krist touched my chest and stomach and moaned behind me. Dave was in front of me and he had taken my shirt off. He played with my nipples and bellybutton. I moaned loudly as Krist touched my no-no area.
Dave began to kiss my neck and we all began to sweat abit. I moaned as I felt Krist take his shirt and pants off at the same time Dave removed mine. Krist held me close to him and he licked and kiss the back of my neck. I moved my arms foward almost to get out of his grip as I helped Dave. I felt like kid being held by his parent. He held me so close and I moaned as he kissed my back and I felt his erection more now.
Dave removed his shirt and I untied his pajama pants. He took them off and I saw his naked body as it went towards me and he nibbled on my neck. I was stuck between the two most amazing people in the world as they pleasured themselves, myself, and each other. Krist reached off to the nightstand and took some lube out. He covered himself and told me to sit down on him. I did as I was told and I felt him enter me. Dave took the lube and covered his fingers. I felt Krist leave me and Dave began to strech me.
He covered himself and took me onto himself. He push into me and Krist came from behind. i was pushed back and forth between the two as they took turns. Dave began touching myself at one time and Krist pushed me down. On my hands and knees, only Krist contiued because Dave wanted to jerk off. I felt him come and screamed as I did as well. Dave moaned loudly but didn't come until he pulled me and made me suck until he did.
We finished and laid down. I smiled as they both held me close. I felt so loved. I laid in between them and we all snuggled. I grinned ad laughed loudly as Krist jumped up. "What the fuck just happened?!" I got up and pulled his down. Dave sat up and began to smoke a cigarette. I kissed Krist on the lips, wildly and Dave smiled.
I sat up and so did Krist. I took Dave's cigarette and took a long drag. Krist stole it as I blew out and began to puff it. Dave got mad and handed me my own and Krist his own. I kissed them both one after another and I got two kisses at the same time on the cheek. I blushed. I'm loved.

Afterlife FINAL CHAPTER (Chapter 15)

2009-08-01T15:10:42Z

Title: Afterlife *FINAL CHAPTER* (Chapter 15)
Pairing: Kurt Cobain/Jeremy Gates, Kurt Cobain/Dave Grohl, various others.
Bandom: Nirvana
Rating: MA
Warnings: coarse language, violence, character death, sexual references, angst
Summary: Siri and Iris bicker over the souls of the lovers.
Disclaimer: I don't own Kurt or Dave, but secondary characters are mine.

"Have mercy! It's his fault, not mine! Kill him, have mercy on me, please! I-" Iris brought down the knife, and buried it deep in the place where Jeremy's heart had once beat.

He screamed once, jerking, and then was still.

"Jeremy!" Kurt cried out, convulsing sickly and he fell, and Dave was barely able to catch him in time.

"Kurt? Jesus, Kurt! What's wrong?" He went quickly to the floor, cradling his blonde lover. "K-kurt?" Kurt tried to speak, but then he groaned and coughed, and an impossibly bright spray of blood trickled from his lips, staining the light whiskers on his chin a deep crimson. Dave stared in horror, and felt himself break. "Kurt! Oh fuck, oh God, your mouth! You're fucking bleeding!" Rage engulfed him and he turned to Iris, who was watching silently with fathomless brown eyes. "What have you done to him, you bitch?! What have you fucking done?"

"It's his time." Iris's voice was surprisingly soft. Jeremy's blood coated her hands, and was impossibly dark and thick. Barely human, at all. "His tattoo has faded. It's his time."

"No, that's not true, take it back, you fucking bitch! Take it back!"

"Da...david," Kurt gasped, and Dave turned back to him. He gaped, amazed to see a new clarity blazing in Kurt's eyes even as they began to glaze over. He knew immediately what that clarity meant. Kurt's words only enforced his understanding. "David, I... I remember."

"You, you remember m-me?"

Kurt almost smiled "...Uh-huh..."

Collapsing, Dave sobbed. "Jesus, oh God, K-kurt, you have no idea how m-much, how fucking much, I've missed you."

"I, I'm sorry." He panted harshly, and a sliver of blood passed through his lips to stain his chin. "Didn't mean to, l-leave you, I... wasn't you. I, I didn't want to hurt you, I..." He paused for breath, and a tear slid down his cheek. It traced the same pattern down his face as the blood had, and the tear drops turned red.

"No, Kurt..."

"I, I love you, David," he muttered. Dave held him, and began to cry bitterly. "I... always, you. And, I'm sorry. So sorry, David."

Dave shook his head fiercely. "Don't be sorry, you-" But then a great wave of pain came from somewhere in the sky and broke over both of them, and they cried out in unison. The pain was sudden and intense, and almost as bad was the shock that accompanied it. But there was something deeply sad, and strangely beautiful, about this pain. The pain was centering at their wrists...

"Oh my God, Kurt," Dave breathed. "Look."

They both glanced down, at the little, baby tattoos budding on their wrists; one for each man. They were gleaming, vibrant and young. Kurt smiled weakly. His lips were rimmed in red. Dave whined in the back of his throat. Too much blood. "That, that proves it... then." Even his eyes were red. Too much red. Too much pain. Dave felt his heart sting. "We're... we really are, soul mates, now." He trembled in his lover's arms. "L-listen to me Dave, I, I know I never told you enough but, but you've always, m-meant the world to me. You were an incredible drummer... and a good, good friend."

"H-hey!" Dave felt an overwhelming fear. "Don't talk like than, man, you're okay. It'll be okay."

Kurt only stared, and brought a hand up to limply caress Dave's cheek, stroking his beard. "Look at you, Dave. You're s-so fucking beautiful, after, after so long." Dave sobbed and bit down on his bottom lip hard, teetering on the brink of insanity. No not now I just got him back not now God oh God please not now... He raised his head to scream at Iris again. "Don't just stand there, you cunt! Save him! Fucking save him, like I know you fucking can!" He held up Kurt's wrist, brandishing his new tattoo. "You can't take him, he's not Jeremy's mate, he's mine. Mine!"

"It's his time," Iris repeated without pity, but spoke in an even softer tone than She had before. Her eyes flickered briefly, then sealed over again. Fathomless, again.

"No, no, no!" Dave clutched possessively at Kurt, rocking him, sobs wracking his body. "I won't let you take him! I won't! Bitch!"

"Dave!" Kurt gasped, in his last few seconds. "Look at me Dave... fucking l-look at me." Almost against his will Dave turned, and looked down at his lover with huge, grief stricken eyes. "You, you can't save me. Jeremy dies... I, I die, too."

"No!"

"You, have to let me go. Let... fucking let me go."

"Kurt, I can't. I can't. I'll die."

"You'll be okay." The blonde shivered, and his voice failed him. "I, I... fucking love you, man..." He exhaled painfully, and felt a great coldness envelope him from the inside.

"Kurt, no, no don't, please..."

Kurt tried to say something more, something to comfort his lover. But before he could think of anything, his soul disintegrated, and his lifeless body crumpled into Dave's arms.

***************************

Siri felt it then, a supernova of pain that radiated, permeated, into every cell in her body. She turned direction mid-stride and flew towards the apartment Kurt and Jeremy shared. The pain was hot, to her it looked as though the walls themselves were melting.

Oh no, no. She's here. She's come.

"Fuck!" She uttered the obscene, human curse word without even being aware of it. She knew Jeremy was gone. Faded. Kurt was either also gone, or fading at this very moment. It was hard to tell. In that apartment, the atmosphere was cloaked in a dark aura that was near impossible to see through. Her twin sister was strong. Too strong, really, for Her own good.

Above all things she had felt was the undeniable truth that Kurt and Dave now shared the inseparable bond, and that if Kurt had faded, Dave would soon follow him. Just as Kurt had followed Jeremy.

Oh Kurt oh Dave how could I let this happen to you? It's not your time yet, I felt it! You are special! You are different to the others!

She skidded to a halt and almost fell over her own feet, when she heard the voice of Iris in her head.

(Give it up, sister. These souls belongs to me, now. That is how it has always been. That is how it always will be. The bonding mark has faded, and now they are mine.)

Siri tired her best to argue, as her sister spoke to her.

(No! You're severely mistaken! Kurt's soul is no longer tied to Jeremy; it's tied to David. They're the ones who are bonded, now. They're the ones who share a common mark.)

(Then I shall take the one you call David, also. Soon, he will belong to me. They all will.)

(No!)

Siri ran faster, blurred and quicksilver. She was raging at the unmoving wall of her sister's logic. Burning with rage.

(You mustn't take either one of them, Iris! Stop being so insolent, they don't belong to you! Don't you realize, can't you feel it? It's imperative that they survive. Something crucial to all of us, involving them, is about to happen.)

(You must learn not to interfere in the affairs of others.)

(And you must learn to stand down and admit it when you're wrong!)

Her brain pulsed furiously. Snarling silently.

(I forbid you to hurt them!)

(It's too late for that, Siri.) It could have been her imagination, but to Siri it almost seemed as though her sister felt sorry for her. The voice in her head was very soft, and mellow. (Kurt has already gone. Now, I have to take David, too. They're mine. They belong to me.)

And the mind-link between them was severed by Iris, and Siri found herself suddenly alone. No! She moaned to herself, and was filled with a powerful, new resolve. She was going to save Kurt and Dave. She didn't know yet how she was going to do it.

But by all that was good and loving in the Afterlife, she was going to do it right.

****************************

Dave could only slouch numbly, and cradle Kurt's body in his arms. Something from inside had been cruelly ripped apart, leaving him numb and cold and bleeding. At first, no tears could come, nothing came.

Then, the extent of his grief and pain was realized.

"Kurt!" He howled harshly, but even that was an effort, as his existence began to ebb away. He screamed at Iris. "You can't have him! You can't have him, you bitch! He is mine!"

"No, Dave," said Iris simply, making his blood boil. "He's not. He belongs to me. And soon, very soon now, so will you."

He knew it was the truth; he could feel life draining out of his body in waves, his vision was fading, the world was dark, grey, unfeeling. But he found he didn't really care. An existence without Kurt by his side was no existence at all.

"So what?" he muttered limply, and finding he could no longer support his own body weight, laid down beside Kurt, and waited to disappear. "I don't fucking care if I die, or fade, or whatever fucking shit this is. Without him, it's not fucking worth it." He sighed listlessly, and buried his face in Kurt's long, blonde hair. "I'm sorry," he breathed, and Kurt's hair turned damp from tears. "I'm sorry I c-couldn't save you from this." He sobbed quietly, and found that failing Kurt hurt more than dying ever could. He kissed the last of the blood away from his lover's face, and Iris watched impassively. Impassively, save for a faint frown line developing on Her forehead.

"You really love him, don't you?"

Dave glanced up, surprised. "Yes. Of course I do." He could barely see now; and he knew soon he would be completely blind. So he turned what was left of his sight back to his lover, wanting Kurt to be the last thing he ever saw. "I l-love you, Kurt, fucking forever." His voice dropped, his vision faded, his mind clouded over. The only warmth left in the world was his love for Kurt. "I would have died for you. Know that. I would have fucking d-died for... for you." Weakly, he pressed their tattoos together. A perfect match.

"You're mine now, Dave."

No I'm not. He could no longer speak as he laid his head on Kurt's chest, but Iris heard his thoughts, as clear as a bell. I'll never belong to you. I'm Kurt's. Always and forever. The way it should be. I... Kurt. And wearily, he closed his blinded eyes.

"Dave?" For the first time, Iris's voice was tentative, but Her words went unheard in the cold, dark room.

Dave was gone.

***************************

Siri burst into the room in a torrent of bright, blinding light. Her eyes snapped with agility across the floor, focused briefly on the triumphant Iris, then darted to Jeremy's bloody form, then rested on the final, puddled heap on the ground. Her eyes filled with tears. Oh Dave... Kurt. I'm sorry.

They were still, entwined in each other, resting on a smear of blood on the floor. If not for that tell-tale smear of blood, the couple could have been sleeping. Siri knew they weren't fucking sleeping.

Iris... Empty, devoid of life, shells and husks of their former selves. Vessels that had once carried living being but were now dead and dry. She was shaken by her grief for the two, tears swelled and slid down her cheeks. They were so empty. But even now, they were beautiful.

Iris regarded her quietly.

"It's over, now," She murmured, and Siri eyed her. Her dagger had been wiped of blood and was back at Her waist. On Her slender wrist, Iris wore the large, silver bracelet She always kept close, and hanging from that bracelet were three bright, glowing spheres of warm energy. Tokens of the souls Iris had collected, and claimed as Her own.

Siri wasn't even close to giving up. "Two of those souls belong to me, Iris."

Her sister smirked wryly, but Siri was not in the mood for mind games. "Only two? You don't want to try for the third?"

"This isn't a joke. You claimed Jeremy's soul under your own terms, that's fair enough. But I'm reclaiming Kurt and Dave's soul under my own terms. You may deal with the damned. But I deal with the loved."

"Kurt and Dave are damned. Kurt's tattoo faded. He severed his tie with Jeremy. They destroyed each other."

"Iris, Jeremy raped him."

"It was preventable." It was preventable? Siri felt great rage and frustration at Her indifference. But she knew this wasn't really her sister. This was just her sister's facade.

"I know you better than this, Iris," she said quietly. "I know you must fell at least some empathy towards them. Kurt and Dave fell in love, Iris.
Don't you see that? They were made for one another, right from the very beginning."

"I know." Iris was sombre and reflective. "You're right. They did fall in love. And in doing so, Kurt stole away Dave's soul. Jeremy's tattoo faded, and started the chain reaction. And now, I've had to claim them all."

"There was no chain. It was broken. Jeremy and Kurt weren't connected when you killed Kurt; didn't you see their wrists?" Siri was pleading to her sister's better nature, the one that had been hidden and suppressed, for countless years. "Kurt and Dave share a common mark, now. They are bonded. You only take the ones without bonds!"

"Kurt broke his bond, and formed a new one. His original bond still broke. It does not omit him from my care."

"Iris, please. Take into consideration, nothing like this has ever happened before!" Her anger was close to the surface, and she struggled to keep it down. It would do no good to insult her sister, now. "Please, I, I wouldn't be insisting if I didn't know it was important. Please, give them their souls back, Iris. They're in love." She paused, and the brown shine in her eyes mirrored her sister's. "Don't you remember what it's like, to be in love?"

Iris flinched a little, suddenly insecure. Memories of thousands of years ago, from before they were assigned to this damned job. Before they, and the rest of the Afterlife, were cursed with this hideous situation of tattoos and enforced bonding and fading away. Memories of a family, their mother. Of the young boy She had loved, dark and mysterious and smiling. Her eyes grew misty. "Siri," She choked. "Don't you, don't you remember what it's like to be damned? We're cursed. We're all fucking cursed. There's no stopping this, and even if there was, there's no point."

"You don't understand, do you?" Siri's voice was soft with sympathy. She too, missed her mother. "Imagine an Afterlife with no marks, no bindings. No selling your soul for sex, and no cold dread when your mark begins to fade." She glanced over at Kurt and Dave again, locked in a lover's embrace, and sighed. A part of her was jealous, for the love they shared. "Imagine an existence, where everyone fell in love, and were free to make their own choices. They messed up so badly, when they made it like this. I don't know if it was punishment, or if they really though this way was for the best. It doesn't matter. All that matters is how awful the situation we are left in now really is."

"Siri..."

But Siri spoke over the interruption, desperate to speak her mind. "People should be free. To find their true soul mates." She locked eyes with her sister. "That's what we have here, Iris. Two souls that are made for each other, yet you still insist on keeping them apart.

Iris was a little taken aback, and shaken. "What can we do about it, sister? It's how it's always been, it's how it always will be. You can't just-" But then her sister's mind flared, and Iris was able to clearly read her mind. What She found made Her gasp. "You, you can't seriously think that, Siri. Even, even if we used these... these soul mates to try it, do you actually believe we could free everyone from this shit? Is that what you're suggesting?" She shook Her head, sadly. "It's just a fantasy we share, nothing more can come of it. It's enticing, but impossible. We're all in this, stuck like this, forever."

"You've made yourself believe that," Siri murmured. "To help you cope with your situation. I don't blame you, I did too, until a few weeks ago. But what if it were possible? What if I told you it's not only just possible, but that I know it's supposed to happen, to be successful? You have to trust in me, Iris."

"It can't be done."

"Free them, then. Wake them up, and we will see."

Iris made a small noise then, and Siri was beyond surprised when she realized the noise was a sob. "Even, even if I could wake them up. Even if by some miracle I could return their souls to their bodies, there, there isn't even a hope of it working. And then, if, if it did work..." She paused, hesitantly. "If by some, insane chance it worked, we would become obsolete."

"Yes, we would," her sister echoed softly. "And we would be free, finally. From all of this."

"We would fade away."

"After all we've benn through, don't you think that's for the best?"

"Yes." Iris bowed Her head. "I suppose you're right."

Oh, Iris. Don't be scared. "Then let us try it. For Kurt and Dave. For everyone here."

"I..."

"Please. For me."

Iris gazed at her for a long time, Her eyes filled with sadness and doubt. Yet, there was also a glimpse of... something in her face, that gave Siri hope. "It's only... if we're to try it, I think you should do it. After all, I shouldn't be trusted with giving someone life. I only know how to take it away."

Siri soothed her softly. "We'll do it together, then."

It made her sister's eyes widen with shock and appreciation. "Alright."

The shared a smile as they got down beside the lifeless bodies, and the moment was a good one. Iris gently slipped two of the lights from Her wrist, the brightest of the three, and handed one carefully to Her sister. They didn't speak as they did it. The moment did not need words.

They moved together in perfect time, without even being aware of it. In turn, Kurt and Dave's jaws were taken lightly into careful hands, and their mouths were softly pried open. Once more speaking through their bond, Iris sent her sister a quiet message. (My biggest regret is that I'm going to leave this place with everyone in the Afterlife hating and fearing me.)

(Think of me then, sister. Do you sense how I feel. I love you, more than anything. More than everything.)

(Here goes nothing, then.)

Their soft smiles were sisterly and identical. They locked eyes for the last time as the bright spheres of light were placed in the men's mouths, then vanished.

****************************

Floating in space. In extreme, suffocating blackness. Whispers filled the spaces, and they were spiteful.

Dave tried his very hardest to exist again, but it was far too much for him. He hadn't the strength, and fell back against the nothing, faded and forgotten. He didn't even have the strength to search for his Kurt. And it left him heartbroken.

"Oh Kurt. Where are you? I want to be with you, I want to be with you, please. This is Hell, this is fucking Hell! Don't make me exist without you!"

This is Hell.

Fucking Hell.

He felt himself jerk convulsively, and for one fleeting moment, he felt like he could almost exist again. But then it was gone, and he tumbled down. He was weak, too weak. "Kurt..." He would have cried if he could of, if he'd had eyes or tear ducts, or any sort of anatomy for that matter. His body was gone. "Kurt, I need you. Please. I love you!"

He thought about Kurt. About how much he loved the little blonde, and how he could never, ever exist without him. And how no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't seem to save him. "I don't care where we are," he murmured plaintively. "I don't care if we're alive, or in the Afterlife, or Heaven or Hell or some fucking other place. I just need you. Because I love you. I need you with me, please. Kurt."

Another jolt, harder, and more intense than the first, and Dave groaned. It was like a bout of amnesia he just couldn't shake, an orgasm that wouldn't come, a rope he couldn't fucking climb. And he wanted to desperately to remember, to come, to climb up and out and break through the surface.

A massive jolt, painfully hard.

White lights appearing before his non-existent eyes.

So close. So... fucking... close. I, I'm almost there, Kurt. Kurt.

Kurt?

And then it happened. "Kurt!" The dam broke, and suddenly he remembered, he had his orgasm, the rope twisted in his fingers and pulled him up and out, away. He broke into consciousness. And then, he suddenly found himself existing again...

***************************

Dave choked, gasped, and woke up.

"Kurt?" he groaned as he came alive all at once, breathing again, pulsing, beating. He could feel every system in his body functioning. He could feel the blood in his veins. He could feel breath rush in and out of his lungs. And it was bliss. It was like Nirvana.

Nirvana.

"Kurt!" He rolled, almost falling onto the body of his lover, and started to stroke him, shake his shoulders, anything to wake him. He wasn't aware of his own tears. His voice was hoarse with disuse, and he vaguely wondered how long he'd been dead.

Then he dismissed that thought for good.

"Kurt, oh fuck, man. Come on, wake up. Wake up. I need you here, with me! Don't, don't fucking make me go on without you!" His hands fumbled all over Kurt's body, and he searched for any signs of life. "Kurt. Damn this." He sobbed quietly, and touched the blonde's closed eyelids with trembling fingers. "Oh God. I love you. I love you." He sobbed, and leaned down to kiss his lover back to life.

But Kurt beat him to it.

He stiffened and cried out, his eyes snapping open, wide and deep and impossibly blue. Dave loved him, with every scrap of his heart.

"Kurt!" Kurt's eyes found Dave's, and he visibly relaxed with relief, sighing, shivering all over.

"H-hey... hey, my David." He smiled weakly, and was beautiful. "It's good to see you again. S-so... fucking wonderful..." Dave strangled his moans and fell onto him, both comforting and receiving comfort at the same time, both holding, and being held.

"Jesus," he breathed, and buried his face in the slope of Kurt's neck. "Oh, Jesus, I though I'd... I love you. S-so much, and. And I'm so, so sorry that I couldn't save you. That I couldn't ever save you..."

"Hush, no, Dave," Kurt murmured so strongly it was almost a soft growl. "Don't you dare. Don't you dare even fucking say that. It's not fucking true. You, you've saved me so many times. In life, in the Afterlife, on so many fucking levels, man. You saved me every day. And I love you. Fuck it, I love you with all my heart more than anything in the universe. Oh God. And now, you're my Dave. You're my Dave. And, fuck, it makes me so happy. I want to spend an eternity with you."

Dave half sobbed, half cried and they kissed, fusing and becoming one, whole being.

On their wrists, their heart shaped tattoos radiated with warmth, without pain but with an almost orgasmic pleasure. They turned an impossible shade of silver, and a light seemed to pulse from within.

All across the Afterlife, couples pointed and exclaimed as their own tattoos began to shine with spectral light, dazzling them. They didn't understand it, only knew it was good, and they rejoiced. Hugs and kisses were exchanged.

There was laughter.

Partners everywhere made love.

Their tattoos shone bright for a few more moments, then slowly began to fade, fade completely, never to be seen on anyone again. They were free.

***************************

After what seemed like an eternity, Dave and Kurt broke apart, and smiled hazily at each other.

"H-hey," Dave murmured suddenly, looking around them. "Where did Siri go? And, and Iris?"

"...I don't know." They looked around.

But the sisters were nowhere to be seen

~The End~

Afterlife (Chapter 14)

2009-07-28T11:14:11Z

Title: Afterlife (Chapter 14)
Pairing: Kurt Cobain/Jeremy Gates, Kurt Cobain/Dave Grohl, various others.
Bandom: Nirvana
Rating: MA
Warnings: coarse language, violence, horror, character death, references to suicide and rape, sexual references
Summary: To fall down, to fall forever. Forever falling.
Disclaimer: I don't own Kurt or Dave, but secondary characters are mine.

"Kurt!" Dave called out, and knocked on the door of the apartment Kurt and Jeremy shared. "Kurt, I know you don't like me, and that you don't want to see me, but please, there's something real important I need to say. Just one last thing Kurt, I need to tell you, and then I'll leave you alone, I promise. Just... just one more thing. For my own sake." I don't want to be here anymore.

I think I understand now, how someone could possibly dream of ending their own life. I understand. It's when someone has absolutely nothing to give, or to gain from living on. It's when someone has no will to continue.

Someone like Kurt.

Someone like me.

He knocked hard, but there was no answer, and he eventually wondered if the blonde was even at home. Maybe he's ignoring me... And Dave was really hoping Kurt was home, so that he would get the chance to talk to him and clear the waters, before walking up to the balcony and jumping over the side. He wanted Kurt's voice to be the last he ever heard. That perfect, special voice. The man Dave loved; denial was pointless now. He was in love.

A deep part of his mind whispered that he could not love Kurt, that he was obliged to feel love for another, his true mate, the ones he left behind. The love of three. A family. But he couldn't even remember their names, and found he didn't mind. His life was now a shadow, and soon, the Afterlife would be, too.

He wondered if it would hurt. He wondered if he would simply fall forever.

Then he realized he didn't really care one way or another, and knocked again. "Please, hey. It's urgent! It'll only take a few moments, and then I'll-" die. "-leave. C'mon, Kurt. Are you there? Are, are you fucking ignoring me, man?" Desperation was building and he hit the door, hard, before delivering a swift kick to its wooden surface in frustration. He cried out lowly when his foot snarled, and decided violence against an inanimate object was not the smartest way to handle the situation. So lastly, he half heartedly tried jiggling the door handle.

To his surprise, it was unlocked, and the handle shifted smoothly in his hand. Biting at his lower lip, he pushed the door open and crept silently into the apartment. Looking around. Searching. Trying to observe everything at once.

This doesn't seem right at all. Something is the matter, here. Maybe I shouldn't be here.

No. I should.

"Kurt," he murmured with some trepidation, and was afraid to raise his voice any louder. "Kurt, are you here?" The whole apartment stunk of wrong, was drenched in a disquieting sense of ill intent. He pricked his ears, and heard a noise from one of the distant corners of the apartment, behind a number of closed doors. He frowned and cringed at the same time, the noise thoroughly unsettling him.

"Hello?" And he headed off in that direction.

****************************

Kurt was livid. "You fucking bastard!" He was battered and bruised, crouching in a pool of his own blood and the larger man's semen. He had been violated and was ashamed for it, but also angry enough to kill. His apathy was gone now. Being raped can do that to you. "You, you bastard! You fuck! You r-raped me." Jeremy laughed, and the sound rang painfully in Kurt's ears, only feeding his rage. His eyes fell to the acoustic guitar Dave had given him. He rolled, and made a half-hearted reach for it, meaning to use it as a weapon, but found he was unable to destroy the pretty, shiny instrument in such an ugly way. It meant far too much to him.

Jeremy, on the other hand, was easily able to snatch the instrument away, and he held it at arm's length like a club. His eyes shone bright with accumulating insanity. He was completely gone. Unhinged.

"Dave gave this to you, huh?" And even his voice was raw and unbalanced. "That fucker. Well, this is what I think of stupid, whoring fuckers! This is what I think of the both of you!" He raised the guitar up over his head and brought it down towards the floor with an incredible force, smashing the body to pieces with a grotesque, faintly musical sound. Kurt winced as he was showered with shards and splinters of pristine polished wood.

"Fuck!" Kurt cried out with agony. "You fuck!"

"Fucking piece of trash!" Jeremy brandished the neck of the guitar, which was all that was left of the delicate instrument. "That's all you are, Kurt! You're trash, fucking trash is all you are!" He moved towards Kurt, but the young blonde was filled with poison, burning rage, which made it impossible for him to flinch or turn away.

"No, you're the trash!" Kurt screamed as Jeremy towered over him. "You're a foul, miserable fuck and I hope when Iris takes you, I hope you fucking rot in Hell. I hope it hurts you, like you've never been fucking hurt before. I hope they rape you! I hope you die! I hate you, you sadistic fucking waste of sperm and eggs! I fucking hate you, I-" And he never had the chance to dodge the blow.

With a furious, animal howl, Jeremy brought the neck of the broken guitar down onto Kurt's head.

With a crack, it splintered into two pieces.

An unconscious Kurt crumpled to the floor.

***************************

"Fuck!" Dave heard the screams of terror, of fury, and of pain, and tore into the room, almost knocking the door off its hinges in the process. "Oh, oh God, Kurt!" He skidded to a shuddering standstill when he saw what was going on.

Jeremy was standing at the balcony, peering over the railing at the oblivion below. There was a shriveled bundle of something hanging limply in his arms, dangling, bleeding.

Dave took a closer look. The bundle was Kurt.

"Dave!" Jeremy cried, and grinned in his triumph. He held Kurt's body possessively to his chest. "How nice of you to stop by! You've caught Kurt and I in the middle of an, erm, domestic dispute, I'm afraid." His eyes twinkled with insane good cheer.

"Don't you hurt him!" Dave's face was white with fear, and alight with rage. "Don't, don't you dare hurt him, Jeremy!"

"Have you heard the news, Dave?" His voice crackled with spiteful glee. "Because of you and Kurt fucking whoring around all the time, me and him are gonna die! Even after I fucking told him not to see you anymore, told him what would happen, our tattoos still fucking faded, and soon, we're gonna fade, too!"

Dave was shocked.

You told him to do that?

Does that mean he wanted to spend time with me, after all?

"Please, Jeremy. Don't hurt him. Don't."

He ignored his pleas. "You killed me, Dave! You and your precious Kurt have fucking killed me! You've taken away my everything! So now, I'm taking away yours." He grinned. "Do you want to know what I did? I just raped your precious Kurt into the ground, I raped him senseless, and he screamed and screamed and begged me to stop but I just. Kept. On. GOING!" He screamed the last word at the top of his lungs. "I fucking split him into fucking pieces!"

Dave's world went red.

"Bastard!" He roared, now spying the blood running down Kurt's thighs. It made him feel sick. "Oh God, you sadistic bastard! You fucking son of a bitch! How, h-how could you?!" Dave went to charge at him, but then Jeremy held Kurt up closer to the balcony edge, and Dave was reminded of the fragile existence he held in his arms.

"Don't come any closer," he muttered darkly. "Or I'll drop him over the edge." Dave moaned, and felt his heart begin to beat faster. He was panicking.

"N-no," he pleaded, desperate. "Please, Jesus, Jeremy. Don't do it. God, K-kurt..."

"He killed me. You both did. Now, I'm going to destroy him. I'm going to make you both pay."

Cold terror seized Dave; icy, painful dread. "N-no... don't..."

"Say goodbye."

"NO!" Dave screamed, and lurched forwards to stop him. But it was too late.

Jeremy threw Kurt over the balcony railing, and Dave screamed again as he dropped like a stone.

"Kurt!" Dave didn't think about it, he didn't even hesitate.

He sprinted to the balcony edge and dove over the railing.

Dove straight after Kurt.

***************************

The drummer watched his front man sleep, playing idly with a lock of his coarse, blonde hair, and eyed the wedding band encircling his finger with violent distaste.

He hated Kurt's wife.

He hated Courtney.

But then again, it seemed as though almost everybody hated her. Well, everybody save Kurt, of course. And sometimes, Dave wondered if deep down there wasn't some part of Kurt that actually resented his wife, for intentionally getting him pregnant to draw him in, and threatening to abort the baby if he didn't agree to marry her right away. She'd trapped Kurt, they all saw it.

And the scary part was, Kurt didn't seem to mind.

Dave realized, as he sat and watched Kurt sleep and thought about how he was a husband and a father to be, that Kurt was in dire need of protection, and that Courtney would never be able to offer him that. He realized that he could very well be the one who had to protect his fragile friend.

"I'll do it," he murmured with resolve, and Kurt shifted and muttered something unrecognizable in his sleep. ""I'll protect you forever, from everything. I'll even protect you from HER, if need be." His gaze turned tender and he stroked Kurt's hair. He felt closer to him than he ever had before. "I'll protect you from everything that ever tries to hurt you, I promise."

"David," he muttered in his sleep, and Dave couldn't help but smile.

"I'll save you Kurt. I'll save-"

***************************

He cried out against the stinging cold wind as he plummeted further and further down, and through his snarling, watering eyes, he could barely make out the dark blur against the sky, that was Kurt.

I'm never going to reach him. Not in time.

It's over.

He began to cry in his despair, trying desperately but ultimately in vain to fall faster, to reach Kurt. "Kurt!" He screamed again, fearfully, but his voice was ripped away by the raging wind. He couldn't think. He could barely breathe. I have to reach him. I can't let him slip away from me. Not again.

"KURT!" Filled with fear and frustration. Tears crystallizing on his cheeks from the bitter, freezing cold. Dave stretched his body, striving to quicken himself, to reduce the drag of wind slowing him down. The cold was biting into his skin, passing through him to penetrate his heart. "Kurt, I need to reach you. I have to fucking reach you!"

It might have been his hopeful imagination, but it seemed as though Kurt's falling, unconscious figure was a little closer than it had been before. He was plummeting headfirst, his blonde hair streaming out behind him like a banner.

Dave's own hair whipped against his face, and was painful. He tried to brush it away, but the force of his fall had pinned his arms to his sides. He squinted against the searing cold.

He could make out the blood on Kurt's face.

His eyes were still closed.

"Dammit..." Dave's voice failed him, then. They fell closer and closer towards the end, the sky fading from blue to violet and finally, to pitch black. But then, it wasn't really sky anymore. It was something else, entirely.

He saw white spots appear before his eyes, burst, and then begin to multiply. He couldn't breathe. His lungs were frozen.

Kurt. But he refused to give in. As he fell further and further away from survival, he refused to give in.

Failure wasn't an option.

***************************

Dave gazed into the eyes of his first wife, and he knew what that look meant. It meant their relationship was over.

"I want a divorce," Jennifer said flatly, and Dave found this blunt statement caused him no pain, and was surprised by it.

"Fine."

"We never got around to having kids, so there's no custody battle or anything, we have to fuck over. No matters like that to concern ourselves with."

"I suppose."

"I'm leaving, tonight."

"Best of luck to you, then."

Jennifer arched one carefully plucked eyebrow. "You don't seem to be particularly upset by all this." Dave shrugged his shoulders, all but dismissing her entirely.

"Truthfully," he responded. "I'm not. I don't really care. And I'm as surprised by it as you are."

Jennifer grunted, unimpressed. "I'm not surprised. You never care about anything, anymore. You haven't even tired to make any sort of commitment to this relationship, to this marriage, well, since..."

"Since what?" Dave challenged her, the old frustration seeping in. "Since what, Jennifer? What exactly are you trying to say here? Since fucking what?"

Jennifer refused to look him in the eyes. "Since Kurt died."

Dave flinched automatically at the mention of his dead friend. Even after three years, it still hurt so bad. So fucking bad. "That's..." He had to pause, winded by hurt and betrayal. "That's low, Jen. That's really, really low."

"It's the truth." She refused to be sympathetic this time. "I need a real relationship, David. I want children. I can't play nursemaid to you anymore."

He clenched his teeth. "I told you. I'm not ready for children."

"What are you afraid of?" she spat, spiteful. "Do you think they'll grow up to be drug addicts? Do you think they'll be suicidal fuckheads? What? What's your problem?"

"You, you bitch!" Dave gasped, grasping for words through hurt. "How d-dare you even... even talk about him in that way, you, you..."

Jennifer flared up. "That's all you ever want to talk about, Kurt this and Kurt that! Kurt's dead, Dave! He's gone, and I'm still here! It's time to let him go."

"Shut up! Bitch! Just fucking shut up!"

"It's like you love him more than me! Do you?! Huh? Did you fuck him? Was he better than me, is that it?! You bastard, you fucking shit!"

"You'll never understand! You'll never understand! You-"

***************************

Dave's heart leaped, and he cried out in relief as his fingers finally brushed against Kurt's limp shoulders, and he brought their bodies together. "K-kurt!" He held the unconscious man against him, the wind whistling past his ears but he was uncaring to that, now. "Oh, Kurt! Kurt, wake up, please, wake up." His voice was washing away, and he pressed his lips right up to Kurt's cold ear, hoping he would be heard. "Kurt. Wake up." They began to spiral, and Dave felt dizzy and sick.

The world was blurring around the edges, and all the color was gone.

"Kurt." He finally closed his stinging eyes, and his grip on his lover tightened. "Kurt... I love you. Wake up. Just, just wake up, and save us both. We'll both die, if you don't wake up. Kurt? Kurt..." He nuzzled the blonde's ear, and kissed it. So cold. But not dead. Not yet. "I love your beautiful soul. Please, wake up. For me." Then he took the soft flesh of his earlobe between his teeth.

And bit down.

Kurt jolted. "D-dave?" he groaned, and Dave's eyes immediately snapped open when he heard his name uttered. "Dave?"

"Oh God, Kurt. Thank God."

"Where... are we? I'm... dizzy."

"We're falling, Kurt. You need to save us."

"It hurts, so much, Dave. I... I don't know if, if I can..."

"You can, Kurt. I believe in you."

"I... oh, Dave. Dave. I'm s-sorry." Lips found lips and they kissed, and then they were gradually slowing, stopping their descent, and began to rise upwards. They soared; Dave's heart soared along with them. Kurt's body was weak but his wings were still strong, they stretched and beat at the air with powerful force. His arms went around Dave's neck, and clung to him desperately.

"Kurt," he murmured into the blonde's neck. "Jesus fuck, Kurt. I was s-so fucking afraid, that, that you weren't going to wake up, that you were, that you might be-"

"I'm alright." Kurt's voice was tired but very, very gentle. "I'll be okay."

"The fucker. He hurt you. I'm sorry."

"It's alright. Please, Dave. My Dave. I'm the one that should be sorry. I'm sorry for turning you away. I, I just didn't want you to fucking get h-hurt. I, I didn't want for us... to get too fucking close. I didn't want you to f-fade away..." Dave sighed into his throat, his breath was warm. As was his kiss.

"I think it's a little late for that now. Honestly. I could never leave you. I love you too fucking much to ever do that. I love you, more than fucking anything. And I'll never let you go."

"Dave..." They kissed again and the kiss was deep, and they broke through the darkness, flying upwards to alight delicately back on the balcony.

Dave refused to look at the puddles of blood and semen on the floor, focusing instead on cleaning the drying blood softly from Kurt's face. He let his lips brush over pale skin as he cleaned it. Kurt moaned quietly and his knees went to buckle, but Dave was there, ready to catch him, and hold him tight. "Are you alright?"

"Hurts." Kurt swooned under the combined pain of the gash on his head and his violated insides. "Hurts. What, that b-bastard... did to me."

"The fucker!"

"Ssh." Even through his pain the blonde managed a small smile, and he wiped the tears from Dave's face. "Don't cry, it's okay. You saved me. You saved me." Kurt's wings folded around Dave's torso, and cloaked him in soft warmth. The embrace was comforting. Soothing. Dave felt himself melting away. "Never let me go," he whispered, and it made Dave's heart sing.

"Kurt. Listen. There's something I have to tell you. It's about us."

"It's okay. Siri already told me."

Dave's eyes widened. "She did?"

"Yeah." He smiled faintly, and it was a wonderful smile. "We used to know each other, didn't we?" The other man nodded. There were new tears forming in his eyes.

"That's right, yes. We did." He thumbed Kurt's hair gently. "But do, do you remember?"

"Not a damned thing. But Dave, there's something you should know-"

He was cut off suddenly, as Jeremy charged into the room.

***************************

Kurt shrank back as Jeremy approached, his insides roaring as they remembered the outrage of their violation. Dave growled at the oncoming man and shielded Kurt protectively, but they both dropped their guard when they say the look on Jeremy's face.

He was as pale as death, and his eyes were wide and dark and hollow. Filled with black shock. Kurt suddenly buckled again and Dave held him tight, all three of them crying out in shock and pain as every light bulb in the apartment simultaneously shattered. They were plunged into a cold, heavy gloom; suddenly it was freezing.

Jeremy turned to the other two fearfully, and a sinister darkness covered him. Kurt could smell it; the rotting, awful void that made his insides ache, and he knew what was coming before Jeremy even said it. "It's Her," he groaned, trembling, and stumbled forwards.

"Fuck!" Kurt exclaimed, clutching at Dave."It's Her! It's Iris! She's come, oh fuck, f-for me and Jeremy!"

"No!" Dave did his best to protect him from the formless enemy as the air chilled even further, and then the door was broken from its hinges and fell to the floor with a loud bang. So terrified, they were beyond even crying out, now.

A dark, clouded figure, surprisingly petite, flowed like ice water into the room, and lowered Her hood. Her gaze found Dave's for a brief moment and their eyes locked, and he gasped as the full meaning of Iris finally hit him. That familiar face. That familiar face. He felt as though his mind had just been raped.

Siri... Iris.

They're complete opposites.

They're exactly the same.

Iris pushed Her hood all the way back, freeing Her long hair, and turned Her milky pale face left then right, honing in on Jeremy. He cowered fearfully under her frosty, penetrating brown gaze, and Dave felt all the evil in the universe condense and begin to crush his heart. It terrified him, his mind still reeling from his new discovery. She can't be... no. This can't be Siri. And in his heart he knew it to be true; the two may have looked identical, but he saw none of Siri's kindness and compassion in Iris's ruthless glare. They were separate beings, he was sure of it. Or, two halves of the same being. Soul mates.

Dave pressed himself against Kurt and whimpered, but the blonde had temporarily forgotten about him. He was fixated with horror on Jeremy, and the young girl advancing towards him.

"No!" Jeremy wailed, struggling to escape but with nowhere to run or hide. "Please, d-don't take me! No! It's n-not my time, it can't be, it can't be! P-please, no!"

Iris was relentless.

"Please! Have mercy! It's not my fault!" Quick like silent lightning, Iris raised Her arm, and Dave saw what She carried, brandished in one hand. Rotting stench filled the air as She exposed Her weapon. Jeremy saw it and his eyes grew wide. Kurt saw it, and he screamed.

"No!"

"Kurt!" Dave held back the smaller man, whimpering in fear and pain. His bones were being crushed by an onslaught of metal, and the blazing horn of a truck. His insides were seeping out. His blood was everywhere. He was dead. He was dead.

Jeremy was dead too, and as Iris raised Her knife for the killing blow, they all knew it to be true.

Chapter 15 - Soul Mates

Heavier Than Heaven 26

2009-07-27T16:04:18Z

Title: Heavier Than Heaven
Pairing: Dave/Kurt Dave/Belinda/ Kurt/Mia
Chapter: 26
Summary:
Rating: R
Warning: language
Disclaimer: I do not own nor know any of the characters used in this story. The work is entirely fictional, and purely for enjoyment. I only own Belinda

*******

~Kurt~
I start to walk down towards Dave room, no one else is around, strange, well they must all be down stairs. It's so hard for me to walk, considering my head is hurting so bad. But I half to talk to Dave, I need to know if that was real, some how it feels so real, but my mind is telling me it was just a dream. I hope it was just a dream. Because why the fuck would I kiss James. No I love Dave, Dave is my heart, my sole. My life, without Dave I can't live. Of course I have Mia, and I'm going to be a father, but that's nothing compared to how much I love Dave. Of course I'm going to love my daughter more than anything in the world, don't get me wrong. She's going to be my whole entire life also. Then Dave. Oh god, thinking of him just leaving me is too much. What if he leaves me for good? There's no way I'll be able to handle it, no way. I need Dave in my life, not for just the band, fuck Nirvana. But for me, so we can live happy together.

I open the door to his bedroom, I see him siting on his bed, and it looks like he's crying. He's crying I thought, no the dream is true. Or why else would he be crying. I go over and try to talk.
"What the fuck do you want?" Dave screamed.
I jumped back.
"So it's true."
Dave turns around to me.
"True?"
"You do hate me." I say looking down.
Dave gets up in front of me.
"Oh Kurt, Oh I just don't hate you. I'm ashamed to have even been you're boyfriend."
My mouth drops open. That was like a cut through a knife. Like a knife in my heart. I feel tears well up in my eyes. I drop to the floor.
"Cry all you want, but this time, there is no coming back."
"No. I didn't mean it, he kissed me first."
"Kissed you first, you can't even remember what happen."
"Yes I do!" I screamed.
He seemed shocked.
"You told Krist you couldn't remember."
"Well I fucking do now. And let me tell you this. It wasn't me that kissed James, he kissed me. Him and I are nothing except friends, you and I were sole mates till the end, but you got with Bell and then there went you and I. I knew when you got with her we'd never last, but if you can except my apology and fucking forget about it, then fuck you and have a nice day, because I don't care anymore!" I scream to him, walking out of the room.
"Kurt!" He yelled for me, but I never turned towards him.
Then he stopped me in the hallway by grabbing my arm, I jerked it away from him.
"Don't touch me!" I screamed at him.
He backed me up into the wall and started to play his sweet play.
"Oh but you love it don't you. You hate it when I'm not touching you. Makes you feel unwanted when I'm not."
He leaned in and kissed me, running his hand through my hair. I purred. God it felt so good.
"You want me don't you?" He asked.
I closed my eyes.
"Come on just say it. You want me, especially in your bed."
I feel weak now. I feel like my legs are going to give out any second.
"I want you!" I whispered, as he kissed me.
I felt him smile.
"Bed room!" Dave says.
I nod my head yes.

We enter my bedroom. Dave was still kissing me, it started to get so hot. He pushes me down on the bed. Oh god I though.
"Please hurry up!" I panted.
"Patience baby, patience."
He came back on the bed and we both started kissing again. I started to undo his clothes as well he undid mine. I can't believe this day has finally came.
"Show me how much you love me." Dave said, taking my mouth back into his.
I take control of the kiss, letting Dave strips me off some more. I push Dave down onto the bed, as I crawl on top of him. This is want I wanted. This is what I needed. I need Dave, so fucking bad.
Dave stops the kiss and then throws me onto my back, and we kiss again.
"No way Pixie, I'm in control." He said.
"You can be in control anytime you want. Baby."
"Ah, good."
Dave grinned broadly down at Me. He slid one large hand down my body to cup my groin.
I hisses, but I also loves it. He dragged his head down and kissed me. He let the slow roll of his hips press his cock further into my hand. Dave kissed me hard, sucking and nibbling on my lips. Dave pushed into me. I closed his eyes shut, from the pain.
"Does it hurt pixie?" Dave asked.
"Ah, yeah, a little." I said.
"I'm sorry. I told you it'd hurt."
I tried to adjust myself to the pain, it start to feel better what's we started actually doing this.
Dave started to push in and out. I moaned as it felt good.
"Dave!" I whispered.
"That's right."
Dave came back down and kissed me.
"Can't believe we're doing this. I said, but Dave shut him up.
"No, no. No talking."
I closed my eyes and turned my head away, I loved it, every bit of it. Then Dave collapsed on top of me.
"Fucking good, for first time."
Dave laughed and then got up, he started to get dressed and told me I should get dressed also. Then Dave started heading for the door, until he turned back around.
"Now how does it feel to be used?" Dave said, walking out of the door.
I was in shock, did Dave just say that. I feel to the floor, my breathing got heavy, I couldn't control it. Dave, just said. I used him! What, no. I started to cry, my chest felt tight. Felt like I wasn't breathing at all. I started to shake. How could he have said that. I lay down on the floor until I got my breathing under control. I get up and run to my bathroom, the first thing I've done was throw up. Then I open the sink cabinet. I took out yes, the black bag, I took out the syringe, it was already filled with heroin. I know that was a bad idea to do, but right now I don't fucking care, I jammed the needle into my arm, taking th drug in. I didn't have the tie so I got such a head rush. I laid down on the floor as it sized through my body.
"Dave, this is all your fault." I say.

Heavier Than Heaven 25

2009-07-27T04:38:14Z

Title: Heavier Than Heaven
Pairing: Dave/Kurt Dave/Belinda/ Kurt/Mia
Chapter: 25
Summary: Kurt can't remember
Rating: R
Warning: language
Disclaimer: I do not own nor know any of the characters used in this story. The work is entirely fictional, and purely for enjoyment. I only own Belinda

********
~Kurt~

I start to wake up. I feel so bad, my head is throbbing like fuck. I noticed I'm laying down in a bed. I reach up and touch my head. I bring my hand away. I have a cut on my forehead. What the fuck happen I thought. How did I get here? I try to open my eyes, but can't, everything is such a big bluer and I can't concentrate because my head is pounding so bad. Uh I couldn't take the pounding in my head. I make my hand into a fist from the pain.
"He seems to be waking." I hear a voice say. Sounds like Krist.
"I know, but what happen, how did this happen to him?" Another voice says. I couldn't make out the other voice, but I know it sounds familer. I put my hand back up to my head and try to feel the cut where my head was hurting, but I feel someone pull it away.
"No Kurt, don't touch it." The voice said.
"You can go if you want. I'll stay here with him. I'll call you if anything happens." I noticed it was Krist voice, but I couldn't figure out who the other voice was.
"Who-" I tried to say.
I felt someone take my hand.
"Shh..." He said, messing with my hair.
"Sleep. Baby." The voice said again, so I closed my eyes and slept.

I wake back up a little. I my vision is not so blurry as it was before. I looked around, my head was still hurting, I touched it and noticed there was a bandage on it. I look over to the other side of the bed and noticed Krist was laying beside me. Krist, I thought. Where's Dave? I wondered. I look around, Dave's not here for some reason. Why, what happen. I tried to remember last night, but couldn't. It just drew a blank, like that part of my memory was gone.
"Dave!" I said, trying to sit up, but the pain in my head shot through again.
"Hey, shh. Go back to sleep." I heard Krist say.
"Dave, Krist. Where's Dave?" I asked.
I head Krist sigh.
"I don't know."
I tried to sit back up, but Krist pushed me back down.
"Just rest, you're really banged up." Krist said.
"How?" I asked.
"You don't remember?"
"No, I can't remember anything."
"Anything?"
"About yesterday."
I lay back down. I feel tired, so I close my eyes.

*************
~Dave~
I'm so pissed off right now, how could he, how could he kiss James and right in front of me! Oh I've been mad at him before, but nothing is compared to this. I told him if he'd ever cheat on me I would kill him. Could I really be capable of murder? I don't know, guess we'll just half to wait and find out. Kurt is not getting away with this. I just can't even bother to look at him right now. Ahh I can't believe he did that. I don't even feel sorry for the fact that I hit him, and made him bleed. Thank God James wasn't there though, he'd rip my head off if he found out I touched Kurt. Kurt says he loves me pft. What the fuck does Kurt know about love, all he cares about is sleeping with someone. He wants so bad to be fucked by some guy, he doesn't even care who it is. Arr, he makes me so mad. He wants me to fuck him, but I think Kurt just wants it so he can go fuck other men. Kurt doesn't know anything about love, he just wants something because he's young. All he cares about his sex. Every time we make out all he asks is for me to fuck him, and I can't because I'm afraid of hurting him. Ha it's not like I've haven't hurt him before, and if I see him tonight or something I know I'll put him in the hospital.

I lay on my bed, thinking about all of this stuff. I'm staying in my room, because I half to share a house with Kurt and if I see him, things will get bad. I'm so mad at him, why wasn't it me he was kissing, and it seemed like Kurt loved James kissing him. I mean he never pulled away from James. I feel a tear roll down my face. I love him so much. I can't let him go, but I can never forgive him. He says he loves me, but I just can't believe him. He's just done so much damage. Every time we get close, one of us always gets burnt. And I don't mean fire burnt, I mean stab in the back burnt. It's not fair, why does everything or all this drama half to come between Kurt and I, we've done nothing wrong.
First, we split up because I'm marrying Bell, then we get back together and then he kills my unborn baby, uhh why is all the drama happening between Kurt.
"You alright?" I heard someone say.
I look up from my bed and notice Krist in my door way.
"Yeah, just thinking of some stuff."
He comes in and sits on my bed, beside me.
"You know Kurt's been hurt?" He asks.
Hearing Kurt's name is life a knife in my heart. God I hate him right now, but I love him. I give him a ice cold stare.
"I know." I say, playing with my hand.
He cocks his head at me.
"You know, how?"
"I'm the one that did it."
He looks at me shocked. Then the next thing I noticed was his fist connected with my jaw.
"What the fuck are you thinking!" He screamed.
I tried to stand up.
"Krist, you don't know what happen."
He stands there crossing his arms like a bouncer.
"Then explain!" He ordered.
"I caught Kurt and James kissing. I got mad and told Kurt off. Kurt followed me into a back ally, and we talk some more, then he said something mean to me and then that's when I knocked him out cold." I explained, fast.
Krist shook his head, from the details I just told.
"Nice summery. But why, why would Kurt do that. James isn't gay."
"Hey, neither is Kurt and I."
"Ok, but James isn't like how you and Kurt are."
"I know, that's what I don't understand. And Kurt never pulled away."
Krist sighed. I sat back down on the bed with Krist. I looked over to him.
"I'm hurting him too much Krist."
Krist turns his head towards me.
"No."
"Yes!" I argue back.
"Look what I've already done to him."
"Why don't you just let Kurt be?"
"Because he loves me too much."
"He got over it before."
"Because I wasn't around and he had Mia."
"He still does have Mia, and is going to be a father. So Dave, please, just lay off him."
"You tell him that."
"Dave, he doesn't remember anything from last night. He doesn't even know you two had a fight."
I was shocked.
"I hit him that hard?"
"Yes, you did. So for right now, leave Kurt alone." Krist told me walking out of my room.

~Kurt~
I tried to sit up again, but the pain came back. I tried to remember last night, but it wasn't working. Sighed and laid back down and closed my eyes.

~Dream~
"You swear you're never going to do it ever again." James said.
"I swear." Kurt said.
"Good, because I will bring a gun and find you."
Kurt's eyes got big.
"I wont."
James and Kurt got up to hug, but found them selfs kissing.
"Kurt?" I heard someone say.
James and Kurt break away.Dave, standing in the middle of the room, looking at James and Kurt. Kurt's breath heavy.
"How could you. I thought you loved me." Dave said, then walked away.
Kurt ran forward.
"No. Dave!" He screamed. Then he feel to the ground, his stomach started to burn again.
"Kurt!" James yelled.
He pushed him away.
"Leave me alone!" Kurt screamed at him, and then ran after Dave.

Dave was walking down a street, ally way actually. No one was around think god.
"Dave stop! I need to explain." Kurt yell.
He turned to me, face full of tears and anger.
"Explain! What's there to explain about. I saw you, kissing your new lover! How dare you." He yelled.
Kurt shivered. He's never seen Dave this angry and it scared Him. He walked towards Kurt and he backed up. he has to get away from him. But he couldn't. He grabbed his arms and held me up by the wall.
"You fucking slut! How are dare you."
"No, I'm sorry. That wasn't suppose to happen, him and I weren't suppose to kiss. I love you. You're the one I want. James is nothing to me." He tried to explain.
"Oh shut up! I'm tired of your lies. You killed my baby and now you want to cheat on me. Well go be a slut, because I'm through with you!" Dave yelled, letting him go.
Kurt started to cry. He just said Kurt killed his baby. He burst into tears. And then he did something he knew he'd regret.
"Well at least James could be a better fuck that you ever could!" He yelled.
He seen Dave stop, he turned back towards and came over. Kurt wanted to run away, but couldn't. Dave smacked me so hard against the head Kurt feel down to the pavement and blacked out.

~Kurt~
I jump awake as fast as I could, gasping for breath. I couldn't believe. Was that real, was that what fucking happen last night? No I half to go find Dave, I need to make sure that didn't happen. Please tell me that was a dream. I get out of bed, throwing the covers and walk down to Dave's room.

Heavier Than Heaven 24

2009-07-26T15:13:46Z

Title: Heavier Than Heaven
Pairing: Dave/Kurt Dave/Belinda/ Kurt/Mia
Chapter: 24
Summary: Kurt makes a mistake and pays for it.
Rating: R
Warning: language
Disclaimer: I do not own nor know any of the characters used in this story. The work is entirely fictional, and purely for enjoyment. I only own Belinda

***********
~Kurt~
I smile, I've very happy, one day Dave and I will have are special moment, wont be tomorrow, or the next day or the next week. But I know will have it, and it's going to make him and I both happy. I laid back down on Dave's bed as I got dressed, dam I can't believe he ruined my shoes, I fucking loved them shoes, I hate running around barefooted, I'm always afraid I was going to step on something and get hurt. Knowing around this house, who knows what you'll find. I cleared my head. I should go see Mia today, but I kind of think she's busy with Vada. She texted me yesterday saying Vada had a doctors appointment today. I sighed getting up off the bed, today was going to be a very boring day. I noticed Dave coming back into the room.
"You're still in here?" He asked, shutting the door.
"Yeah, got dressed like you said, but dam, there's nothing to do. Might as well just stay in bed all day."
"Woah, what's this? This isn't like you. You're usually always hyped up and wanting to go some where."
I sighed.
"Well not today. I just feel like laying here and being all depressed."
"Depressed?"
"Yup."
"Since when is Kurt Cobain depressed?"
I shrugged.
"I don't know."
I laid back down on the bed, and pulled the covers over me. Dave cocked his head and came over, sitting on the side on the bed.
"What's wrong?" He asked.
"Nothing. Just tired." I lied.
"Awe Pixie." He said, touching the side of my face. I stare up at him. Pixie, he hasn't called me that in forever.
"Don't." I say turning away from him.
"Don't what?"
"Don't call me that."
"Why not. It's so cute and it fits you."
I laughed. It was cute. Krist came into the room, he never knocks, and he really needs to learn.
"Hey all guess what?" He said.
"What?" Dave asked.
"We just got the dates for our next tour."
I opened my mouth. Singing again. How could I ever, I still don't feel like it. Dave got up and looked at the papers, then handed one to me. Me hands shook by taken the parper. Dave noticed, but didn't say anything. I scanned through the dates and then stopped! Something caught my eye, something that I never thought about until now. The tour date was in Tokyo, just like the dream I had. I was getting ice cream with the guys, until I walked into the middle of the road and was hit by a car. I screamed and through the paper.
"Kurt, what's wrong?" Dave asked.
I didn't answer him. He tightend his grip in my wrist.
"Kurt! What's wrong?" He asked again.
"Nothing...Just. Thought I seen something." I lied.
Dave sighed.
"Pixie, stop scaring us like that!" Dave screamed.
"S-Sorry."
"What did you see?" Krist asked.
"Nothing, nevermind.
Dave, who was not breaking eye contact with me, didn't believe me.
"Must been my imagintion." I say.
"Kurt, get some sleep." Krist said, walking out of the room.
I laid back down on the bed. Dave took my hand and held it.
"What am I going to do with you?" He said, smiling.
I looked up at him.
"Put me away!" I say.
Dave, who has had enough of me talking like that, climmed on top and held me down.
"Stop fucking talking like that. No one is going to put you away, nothing is wrong with you!" He screamed.
I laughed. Then he reached down and started kissing me, I kissed back. Then that's when I felt it. Sharp, burning pain, right in the linning of my stomach. I through my head back. Fuck it hurt so bad, but I tried not to have Dave noticed. I don't want to go back to the hospital. I broke away from the kiss. Breathing heavy and staring at him.

Two hours later, we were all at the club called The Roxy. We were suppose to have a show here, to start off our tour. I was so nervous I wasn't sure if I could be able to do this. Since it was our first show after about a month or so. Dave invited Belinda to come down and hear us play. This broke my heart even more. I couldn't be around here yet, and it still breaks my heart to see her and Dave together.
"I'm so glade you decided to come and here us play." Dave told her.
"Me to. Living back with my mom is driving me in sane."
Dave laughed.
"Well, come back and stay at the house with us."
"I can't. I just can't experience that just right now."
"I understand. But Bell, you know a couple grows stonger by healing together."
"I know. And I miss you."
"Then come back."
"It's just too soon." Belinda said.

I was actually kind of hoping for Belinda to not come back. It's the only real free time Dave and I get to be together, without her coming in and ruing it ever two minutes. My good friend James from Metallica was here. I'm so glade he's here. It makes me calm down some.
"Hey kid." He said, walking over towards me.
"Hi James."
"Hey, can I talk to you for a second?"
"Sure." I tell him.

We walk off into another room, it was more of a private room, so no one can bother you.
"Sit down." James said, I looked at him. Why was he using this kind of tone with me. We both sit down at a round table that was in the middle of the room.
"I know about the drug addiction." He said.
My eyes got big, oh no I'm fucked.
"How?" I asked.
"The way you're acting, your hands shaking. Kurt, don't lie to me. How long?"
"Since the accident."
He closed his eyes and sighed.
"But I haven't been doing it everday."
"When was the last time you used, and what was it?"
I closed my eyes to remember.
"The last time I used was three days ago, but I took a hit this afternoon."
"And what did you use?"
"Heroin and cocaine."
"Mixed together?"
I shook my head yes. I looked surprised.
"What the fuck Kurt! That's a bad idea!"
"No you don't understand." I said, getting up. But the buring pain hit into my stomach again. I grabbed my stomach and sat back down.
"What, what don't I understand. My best friends a drug addicted now!" He screamed.
"I'm not a drug addicted. I'm not hooked."
"Dave said you said that the last time. If you're not hooked give them up."
I looked over to him.
"I'll give them up. I promise." I said, breathing heavy.
"Good. Now if I ever see you again with this shit. I'll get a gun, and I'll kill you."
I looked back up to him. But I knew he just wanted to see me better.
"I promise."
James got up and came over to me. He gave me a hug and I returned it. Then, we locked eyes, then the next thing I noticed I was kissing him, lips to lips, tongue to tongue. Oh fuck, I'm making a mistake, a mistake and I can't stop. He breaks away.
"Oh fuck, Kurt I'm sorry!" He said. I stare at him not saying anything.
Then I push him into a corner and start kissing him back. I couldn't resisist, I couldn't help myself. Oh Dave I'm so sorry. He's going to kill me, but at this rate I don't care. I felt my heart race, it feels like it's beating out of my chest.
"Kurt?" I heard someone say.
James and I break away, and no no my life is over. Dave, standing in the middle of the room, looking at James and I. I breath heavy. No.
"How could you. I thought you loved me." Dave said, then walked away.
I ran forward.
"No. Dave!" I screamed. Then I feel to the ground, my stomach started to burn again.
"Kurt!" James yelled.
I pushed him away.
"Leave me alone!" I screamed at him, and then ran after Dave.

Dave was walking down a street, allyway actually. No one was around think god.
"Dave stop! I need to explain." I yell.
He turned to me, face full of tears and anger.
"Explain! What's there to explain about. I saw you, kissing your new lover! How dare you." He yelled.
I shivered. I've never seen Dave this angry and it scared me. I walked towards me and I backed up. I half to get away from him. But I couldn't. He grabbed my arms and held me up by the wall.
"You fucking slut! How are dare you."
"No, I'm sorry. That wasn't suppose to happen, him and I weren't suppose to kiss. I love you. You're the one I want. James is nothing to me." I tried to explain.
"Oh shut up! I'm tired of your lies. You killed my baby and now you want to cheat on me. Well go be a slut, because I'm through with you!" Dave yelled, letting me go.
I started to cry. He just said I killed his baby. I burst into tears. And then I did something I knew I'd regret.
"Well at least James could be a better fuck that you ever could!" I yelled.
I seen Dave stop, he turned back towards and came over. I wanted to run away, but couldn't. I smacked me so hard against the head I feel down to the pavement and blacked out.

Afterlife (Chapter 13)

2009-07-26T08:35:03Z

Title: Afterlife (Chapter 13)
Pairing: Kurt Cobain/Jeremy Gates, Kurt Cobain/Dave Grohl, various others.
Bandom: Nirvana
Rating: R
Warnings: coarse language, violence, graphic references to suicide, graphic sexual abuse, angst
Summary: Kurt is told the story of his life, and is broken.
Disclaimer: I don't own Kurt or Dave, but secondary characters are mine.

Dave sat, his eyes stinging from the endless tears, his breath hitching in his chest, and he scratched at the inside of his wrist. The skin there was red and inflamed, and he found that scratching at it only aggravated it further. But he didn't stop.

His sigh was dull and forlorn as a plan, or more aptly, a resolution, began to form in his mind.

I'm still going to tell him. I don't care if he wants to know or not. I'm going to tell him that I love him. I need him to know, because I never told him when we were alive, and it killed me, afterwards. I had three fucking years, to tell him.

It fucking killed me.

He hugged his knees against his chest, resting his head against his legs, and closed his stinging, aching eyes. I need to tell him. He's never going to love me back. But I love him. Fucking more than anything.

He knew perfectly well that speaking to Kurt would solve nothing; he was no idiot. After their last conversation, it was obvious to him how Kurt felt. He was disgusted with himself that he'd ever hoped it could be different between them. He was embarrassed and ashamed by his reaction, by his own loathsome tears.

He wondered if this was what Kurt had felt like in the last few days of his life, all alone, with no one to hold your hand, comfort you, or give you space when you really needed it-

I would've comforted you if only you'd asked.

-and say that one day, it would all turn out okay. He wondered if Kurt had felt as hopeless, as dejected, as isolated as he did. He guessed Kurt probably had. He wouldn't have chosen to commit suicide lightly. To take his own life, fucking end it all.

Dave also wondered if there was such a thing as Heaven and Hell, after all this shit, and if it were possible to die again, in the Afterlife. To just keep dying, again and again. It made him shudder. What happened when you died in this place, when you "faded away", as they seemed to call it? Did you wake up in some other, new, foreign place? Or would you simply wink out of existence, out of consciousness? Out of being? He thought about the alternative, about an existence without Kurt, and decided that simply ceasing to exist, in his case, would be for the best.

It would at least take away the pain.

Oh yeah? For some reason, his subconscious wanted to challenge this. Look what happened to Kurt, my thick, naive friend. He stuck a shotgun in his mouth and pulled the fucking trigger. His brains painted the inside of his skull, leaked out his fucking ears... "Stop," Dave moaned quietly, unaware he'd even spoken. He ended his life, you sorry sack of shit, and did ending his life take away his pain?

He groaned at the voice, trying to shut it out. Violently, he shoved it into a distant corner of his mind, where he hoped he'd never have to deal with it again. Again, he shuddered, and rubbed at his aggravated wrist. Large, silent tears were falling from his eyes.

He was going to do it.

He didn't care what anyone said or thought.

His mind was made up.

***************************

Kurt gazed up into Dave's face, filled with a sense of apprehension. And this Dave was neither young nor old, or rather, he seemed to be both at the same time. His dimensions were blurry, like he was seeing everything through a fine layer of fog. But the look in Dave's eyes was unmistakable. It made the blonde quake, and crumble under the weight of his intensity.

Dave's eyes were in flames.

"How dare you?" he demanded, and the walls themselves trembled. "How fucking dare you stab me in the back like this?"

"Please." Kurt was frantic. "You don't understand what I had to do. Let me try and explain-"

"Nothing you could say would possibly make me understand."

"But Davey, I-"

"Don't you fucking call me that!" he growled, and Kurt flinched convulsively. "You're not allowed to call me that, not anymore!"

Through his guilt and shame, Kurt felt a twinge of confusion. Not anymore? What did Dave mean by that? "D-dave." His voice was timid and meek, very humbled. Not his normal voice, at all. "I, I'm not sure if I know what you mean."

"You hurt me, you know. A long time ago, when you used to call me "Davey" - all the fucking time. You hurt me, so why would you hurt me again, now? Do you hate me, is that it? What?"

"What are you talking about?" Even as he asked, Kurt felt as though he almost, almost knew what was going on, like he could taste and smell and touch the answer. He tried hard to summon it, but thinking too hard hurt his brain, made it pulse.

"Of course, you wouldn't remember..."

"But what don't I fucking remember?" The blonde was past the point of being calm, desperate for answers. "What are you people hiding from me? What do they know? I want to know, Dave. Tell me!"

"You'll never fucking know, Kurt." And Dave was crying bitterly. "You'll never know because you don't want to know, you're a coward, and you hide the truth from yourself. But, but I guess that's how it should be, and don't fucking pretend you want it any other way. You don't care, why would you? You never did before!"

"Dave?" But now real, sharp pain was engulfing his head, and it was penetrating, snarling, into is brain, it felt like someone had pumped him full of white hot lead between the ears. He yelled, it was all he could do to yell, his brain and the poisonous tattoo embedded in his wrist throbbing, burning, swallowing him whole. "Oh God, my fucking head! What's wrong with my fucking head?"

"You shot yourself, you fucking moron, and I'll never, ever forgive you for it!"

Kurt tried to respond but could only cry in hollow pain, and he felt warm wetness across his cheek but when he pressed his fingertips to his face they came away slick and stained with blood...

***************************

"Siri!" Kurt stood in the middle of his apartment and bellowed, trying to summon the spirit. As much as he disliked talking to her, he was in desperate need. "Siri, damn it, get here! Now! This fucking minute!"

"What?" She materialized before him as silently and as fluidly as water, scaring him half to death. Her naturally pale face was pinched and drawn and as white as a sheet. She had dark, awful smudges under her eyes, which stood in stark contrast to her white skin. The eyes themselves were bloodshot, though Kurt was sure an unearthly being such as her would not require things like sleep. She seemed, pardon the expression, dead on her feet. "What's wrong, Kurt?"

"Where have you been? And what's wrong with you?"

"I'm sick. And so are you. Sick in the head. Why in the Afterlife would you hurt Dave like that? You just about tore apart his soul!"

His gaze was cold. "I though you would have been happy, to know he was no longer under the influence of a dirty, suicidal whore."

"Kurt, don't-"

"No, forget that and listen to me for a minute. That's not why I asked you here." Kurt forced his voice to lower and he tried to be more civilized. Even in his frustration, he was unable to pick a fight with anything that took the form of the small, frail girl now shivering before him. He knew that form wasn't her true self, but he still felt ashamed, to yell at a young woman, a child really. "Siri, please. I need your help. I know it's against the rules, I get that, but I need this. I need to know, please. About my past. Who, who was I?"

Siri hesitated and something in her chest twisted for him. "Kurt, I..."

"Did I know Dave?" He blurted it out suddenly, which surprised her a little. "Somehow?"

"What makes you think that?"

"The dreams," murmured the blonde. "In them, he knows me. And I know him. But, it isn't just the dreams, Siri, it's something else, too. Something more. It's how I feel when I'm around him. I've never felt so close to someone so quickly, not ever. It's like I've known him for years. And, and it's how his eyes light up when he sees me; I know he feels the same way. He knows me. And I knew him!" His voice was loud but fragile, trembling with some strong emotion, and Siri felt herself regain a morsel of strength as she listened to him.

This is right what he's feeling is right you KNOW it is...

"Siri, this is serious now. I can't keep on going unless I know. You've got to tell me who I was. Who Dave was. And how I knew him, because I know I did!"

"I-" She sighed, weakening. Kurt's gaze was naked, devoid of pride or self esteem or frustration or anything. Just a sheer, desperate need for knowledge. And she knew she wasn't cruel enough to leave him in the dark for even another day.

"Siri" Kurt's voice was quiet. "Please."

Heedless to the consequences, she surged ahead, staring him down with sickly brown eyes. "You're right Kurt. But you knew that, didn't you? I only wonder how long you've known." He opened his mouth, but she help up a hand as a signal for him to hold his tongue, and continued. "You were Kurt Cobain from Aberdeen, Washington. You were in a band, you played music. The band was called Nirvana, and you were the guitarist-"

"I knew it felt familiar," he muttered, but Siri ignored him.

"And the lead singer, also. After a few years of playing in this band, you and your drummer parted ways, and you had to find a replacement. Luckily for you, at that exact time another band was breaking up, and their drummer needed a new band. So you hooked up. Got together."
She paused, knowing it was too late for second thoughts. "The drummer's name was Dave Grohl."

Kurt didn't even gasp. Even as he heard it, he found he wasn't all that surprised. Siri's words flowed, and they made perfect sense to him. But still, it felt odd, like he was hearing about someone else's history, and not his own. He remembered none of it. "Then what happened?"

"You got famous. Infamous. It-" Siri couldn't help but hesitate. "It wasn't really your fault, Kurt. It was no one's fault. It, it was just one of those things that happen, sometimes."

"What was?"

"The drugs." She lowered her eyes. "Heroin."

At the mere mention of the word, Kurt felt a raging heat rush over his skin, and his mouth went bone dry. Siri watched, dismayed, as the pupils of his eyes contracted to pin points, as he trembled all over. His hands instinctively went his elbows, and he cradled them. "Heroin." He tested the word, but there was no need to explain it. A part of him obviously still remembered what that word meant. She waited until she was sure Kurt had regained full consciousness before continuing.

"You married a stalker-turned-lover of yours when you realized you'd gotten her pregnant," she continued, hoping her soft tone would dull sharp words. "And she gave birth to a baby girl who you loved with all your heart. You had what you needed to keep you alive, for a little while. But then you lost it again. And then, then you died."

Shot myself in the head, you mean. "Yeah." And was obvious to both that his death was still a touchy subject.

"Okay, I won't get into that. You already know how that part of the story goes. But you don't know, well, how could you realize? Your death left a hole in the world. You were a celebrity, Kurt. Unwillingly, but a celebrity nonetheless. Some called you music royalty. When you killed yourself, millions mourned, some even followed you. And Dave... he was heartbroken." The blonde felt his insides ache, and a flush of dull shame at what he'd done to his friend. To them all. "It, it took him years to heal."

"I'm a fucking monster," Kurt murmured, instinctively bringing a hand to his mouth to chew on his nails. He bit hard, and drew blood. "I, I did that to them. And I had a daughter. How could I do that? A little, baby girl? And, and a wife, too?"

"Your wife's name is Courtney. Frances is your daughter." Siri smiled faintly, sadly. "She looks more and more like you every day. Like both of you. She, she has your eyes, Kurt." He sank slowly to the floor, trying to process information that was struggling hard to be ignored. His head was throbbing, split into two. It was all new and frightfully shocking, but then again, so damn familiar, like more fucking Deja Vu...

It was so bad it hurt.

He could almost feel the bullet. Oh Jesus, what have I done? What have I done?

Broke his heart-

"Kurt?" She was a little intimidated by his heavy silence, almost afraid to approach him. "Hey, are you going to be okay?"

But Kurt could offer no reply, which was truly an answer in itself. Siri knew she had to leave him then and she did, left him silent and shivering. Kurt held his hands in his lap and stared into the floor, and found he had never hated himself more than he did in that moment.

He gave himself up to the stone floor, the tattoo that had once been so vibrant and so strong now an ashen ghost stamped on the underside of his wrist.

***************************

Kurt glared and Jeremy glared back. The hate sparked and crackled like electricity.

"Let me go, Jeremy."

"No."

"Let me go, Jeremy!"

"No!"

Kurt was heedless and struggled anyway to pass him, to get to the door. "Just, just because I'm not with Dave anymore doesn't, mmph, doesn't mean I'm going to stay here and put up with you shit for a moment longer! I can't stand being around you! I'm leaving, so get the fuck out of my way!"

"No." Jeremy was practically a stranger, hate disfiguring his face and making it ugly. He advances towards the blonde with malicious intent, and Kurt felt a sudden, hideous wave of pain roll over him all at once. He staggered, feeling dizzy and sick, and abruptly went numb all over.

Slowly, he glanced down at his wrist, and felt a very strange, but freeing relief. His tattoo was gone. In the space of two seconds, it had faded away completely.

Jeremy stopped short in his advance and winced, Kurt's wave of pain reaching him also. He cried out roughly, and brought his own wrist up to glare t it. His eyes widened and his face paled. His mark was also gone. There wasn't a single fucking trace of it left. For the longest time he stared at his flawless wrist, his eyes growing brighter and brighter with as his rage increased. Kurt felt no trepidation; he could only sit serenely and wait for punishment, too light headed to attempt anything else.

"You," Jeremy spat, stalking the blonde once more. "Look what you've done to me! You've killed me! You've killed me, you fucking little whore!" Kurt was unable to respond, he gazed up with blank eyes.

I'm free.

I'm really free.

I'm dying.

"J-jer..." But the words cost him too much effort, and his voice failed him.

"You'll fucking pay now, Kurt! You worthless bastard." Roughly, Jeremy grabbed him by the shoulders and threw him face first to the ground, bruising him, hurting him. Kurt cried out, yet his cry was weak and without real resistance. Even if he'd really wanted to, he couldn't stop what was happening to him. I'm gone I hope I just fade away. With a growl Jeremy climbed onto him and tore off his pants, ripping his underwear to shreds. Kurt struggled when he realized what Jeremy was up to, feeble struggles, and the larger man was able to brush them off with little effort. Kurt was weak, and Jeremy's rage made him strong.

"I'm gonna fuck you now, you stupid bitch. I'm going to fuck you until I split you in half." The blonde moaned at this and kicked out, Jeremy simply clamped his hips down with one hand, and restricted his movements. Kurt moaned again, about to cry or pass out or both, he felt so sick. "I'm going to rape you, you fucking whore. You ruined me. Now, I'm going to fucking ruin you!"

Kurt came to life as he was torn open; a fire erupted in his abdomen and he whimpered and squeezed his eyes shut and thrashed his head to the side. "Fu-uck!" he screamed. Jeremy scraped and bruised his hips, his insides. Hard and violating. Hot and burning, like acid. Never this bad, never before. "Fuck, Jeremy! N-no!"

Jeremy laughed in his cruelty, leaning down to bite at Kurt's ear, and make it bleed. His breathing was harsh and intense, even as he groaned, even as he laughed. Kurt sobbed and struggled but was pinned down, and Jeremy liked it when they struggled. It turned him on something fierce. The crying was agitating him, but he figured he could work with it. He dove in harder to make Kurt scream and decided he liked that sound, jutting further, impaling Kurt on his cock. Splitting him apart.

Kurt screamed again and again. Blood was running down his thighs. He was filled with pain and blood and violent, bitter hatred.

Jeremy grinned at Kurt's pain and groaned in his own pleasure, as he raped the man he'd once dared to call his soul mate.

Chapter 14 - The True Nature of Iris

A Special Nirvana Christmas

2009-07-25T03:47:12Z

TITLE: A Nirvana Christmas
CHAPTER: None One Shot
CHARACTERS: Nirvana
SUMMARY: Krist wants to read the nightmare before Christmas, but Kurt keeps interupping.
DISCLAIMER: Don't own anything
Note: I acutally got this from Jeff Dunhams Christmas special. So I own none of this. I just thought it'd be funny.

It was a nice Christmas day. Nirvana was on tour this year, so they really didn't get a chance to spend it with anyone except each other, but at least it's better than nothing. Kurt was actually in a good mood, surprising. He was bouncing off the walls and everything. Krist says he's had too much sugar and wont let him have anymore, when Kurt found out he through a pretty good tantrum. Krist rolled his eyes and Dave just laughed. It was now night time, all the people on the tour bus sat around in the chairs or anywhere they can find, just to be spending the day with each other is a good day, even the roadies came onto the tour bus. Krist ran over and sat down on the couch and Kurt joined him. Krist took something out of the shelf that was behind the couch.
"What's that?" Kurt asked.
Krist, who has had enough of Kurt today, was actually annoyed with him, gave him a weary glance.
"This is something that I've done in my family for many generations that I'd love to share with all of you." Krist said.
"We're going to get drunk, and throw-up." Kurt said.
Everyone gave him a annoyance glance, but Kurt laughed, with some others who laughed.
"No Kurt! I'm going to read the Nightmare before Christmas."
Kurt acted like he was shocked. Then started shaking his head.
"Um. Nooooo" He started to scream.
"And why not?" Krist asked.
"Uh, um, because it's...Boring!"
Krist rolled his eyes.
"Hush it and just listen."
"Uhhh." Kurt screamed.
"And now, The Night Before Christmas." Krist said.
"This would be a good time for the Muslims to go to the bathroom."
Everyone gave Kurt a annoyance glance. Kurt smiled and looked away, Krist went back to reading.
"T’was the night before Christmas..."
"And all the Jews were at the movies..."
Krist looked back over at him, and sighed.
"Or eating Chinese food..." Kurt said.
Everyone laughed, except Krist.
"Well I'm just trying to include every one!" Kurt said.
"T'was...."
"Hold it!" Kurt interupted again.
"What?" Krist asked.
"Who the he'll this T'was?"
Krist showed him the book.
"It's in the book.
"It's old and stupid!"
"It's tradition."
Kurt looked at him.
"Tis it?"He asked, being cute.
Krist rolled his eyes and ignored Kurt.
"T'was the night before Christmas and all through the house."
"Why is it always a house?"
Krist laughed.
"What?"
"There are kids who live in apartments how does Santa get to the kids in the apartments uncle Crissy?"
Kurt looked to the others.
"They have to buzz his ass in..ehhh ehhh Santa Clause."
Everyone laughed, even Krist.
" And all through the apartments not a creature was stirring."
"Except the ass holes in 2b there drunk and hitting each other with menors, oy vey that’s Jewish for holy shit."
Krist stares at Kurt, and shakes his head.
"Nothing funnier than throwing in a couple holy shits in the middle of the night before Christmas. Huh?" Kurt said to Krist.
"Not a creature was stirring not even a mouse...." Krist read
"Mouse you wish you live in an apartment that’s a rat!"
"The stockings were hung by the chimney with care...."
"And believe me the room could use some fresh. Air seriously how the hell did that tradition start? Hanging up dirty laundry hoping Santa would fill it with goodies. ewww .Id like to suck on this candy cane but it smells like dads feet. Good thing the tradition wasn’t jock straps."
The crowed couldn't help but laugh. They've never seen Kurt this happy.
“sallie what’s in yours? Nuts, and mommy says there magically delicious”
"You are ruining this story!" Krist yelled at him.
"Well you’re the pervert eating out of your own jock strap." Kurt snapped back.
Krist laughed. Dave who was laughing so hard now had tears coming out of his eyes. Kurt started to look at the book.
"isn’t this the part with the kids having visions of sugar plums dancing in their heads? What does that mean I think there hallucinating these apartment children are on drugs. Santa going to bring me a J.I.Joe and a bong. and daddy wants a ho ho ho.Its daddy and the 3 hoes."
Krist ignored Kurt again.
"with mama in her ‘kerchief and I in my cap had just settled down" Krist tried to read again.
"For a big snort of crack..! ait you have to get to the part where Santa gets busted for breaking and entering where the hell is that?" Kurt asked, looking trough the book.
Krist who has had enough of Kurt, yelled at him.
"Its not breaking and entering!"
"Ohh keep reading I think It qualifies." Kurt said.
" As I drew in my head and was turning around. Down the chimney saint Nicholas came with a bound..."
"He feel down?" Kurt asked.
"Yes." Krist answered.
"Don't it say that his face was red?"
"Yes."
Then Kurt had to comment on it. Then turned to the others.
"Why doesn’t anyone ever notice this Santa is drunk off his ass. This is a horrible horrible story!"
"He was dressed all in fur from his head to his foot and his clothes all tarnished with ashes and soot..."
"Fat...Drinking and driving. In a furry gay outfit covered in soot.He’s smoking and you let him in the house because he said he had something for your kids!
Krist put his head in his hand.
"What kind of father are you?.Anyway if I were you I'd check his id then taser his fat ass.And how fat is this guy anyway?"
Krist shrugged.
"Everyone leaves him a plate full of cookies. I think he is a diabetic too don’t you think? We ought to leave him a plate of insulin how bout that?" Cant wait to hear this story next year. Santa’s on dialysis and is missing a leg.And all the little dollies have poliosis."
The whole crew laughed especially Krist.
"Poliosis?" Krist asked laughing.
Kurt shrugged.
"Isn't that what it's called?"
Krist through his head back laughing.
Because Krist was telling the Night Before Christmas, Dave ran and grabbed everyone he can find.
"Can I finish this story!" Krist yelled.
Kurt looked at him.
"Ohhh, please do!" He said in a gay tone.
"He sprang to his sleigh to his team gave a whistle."
"Got to go quick cuz there’s a cop with a pistol."
"But I heard him exclaim near he drove out of sight."
"Merry Christmas to all, oh crap I ran over your bike."

Everyone kept laughing, this is the most fun they have ever had in their lives with each other. Kurt Cobain would be the only one to ever to bring something like that up. Krist hugged him, and then kissed the top of this head.

~The End~

If yout think it was mean. I'm sorry, lol got the idea from Jeff Dunham.

a_quiet_room @ 2009-07-24T00:10:00

2009-07-24T04:15:42Z

Title: Silver
Pairing: hmm. there's not really a pairing.
Rating: PG
Warnings: language
Chapter: 6
Summary: Kurt makes trouble
Disclaimer: Didn't happen. I don't own them.

****
A few weeks later Kurt started to grow a little bit more, learned some new words and finally learned how to walk. Krist though this was good for a four month old. Kurt also started teething more and more, he started to chew on everything now, especially the tv remote which would always be covered in baby slobber when you'd always go to pick it up. Now that Kurt can walk, Krist and Dave started baby-proofing the house. They didn't want Kurt to fall down some stairs or something and get hurt. No they wanted him perfectly safe. Baby Kurt still drunk out of the Tiger baby bottle, it was his favorite one, any other one he wouldn't drink out of. Dave tried to give him sippy-cups and Kurt refused them, and throw them down. Krist and Dave also noticed how when a Nirvana song or video comes on, Kurt stays quite and listens to them without a sound. Krist thinks he's remebering more and more every day. They know they half to do something real quick about this, but then they also don't want to. Krist and Dave was in the kitchen talking, when Baby Kurt, came over to them. He pulled on Dave's pants leg. Dave seen him and bent down to him.
"What can I do for you?" He asked.
Kurt was chewing on his finger as he talked to Dave.
"Baby Hungwy." Kurt said, in his baby talk.
Dave laughed at how cute Kurt was being.
"Hungwy are we, well what would you love to eat?" Dave asked, picking Kurt up and bringing him to his high chair.
Kurt's azure eyes scanned the kitchen. Kurt pointed up to the cereal. He couldn't say that word yet, so he had to point it out for Dave.
"Cereal. Nice choice, really good for a baby."
Dave pulled down the box of Trix and put it onto a bowl and started feeding Baby Kurt. The cererial was a little hard on Baby Kurt's teeth, so it took some time to feed him. Dave tried to feed him one last scoop, but Kurt turned his head away.
"No." He said.
Dave realized Kurt was now finished, so he took the bowl over to the sink.
"Bowtle." Kurt tried to say.
Dave smiled, he loves the way Baby Kurt's talk. He comes over and gives him the bottle.
"Guess I'm going to half to teach you proper grammar."
Kurt stared at him, drinking his bottle. Dave knew since Kurt had his bottle, he wasn't going to talk anymore. He picked him up and sat him in the living room to play with his toys. Kurt played with his toys for a while and then crawled up on the floor still with the bottle in his mouth and went to sleep.

Dave walked into the kitchen and noticed Krist was on the phone to someone. He hung it up.
"Who was that?" Dave asked.
"The manager that manages that band we partied with."
"And what about it?"
"I asked if we could hang out with them when they come here."
"And?"
"He doesn't know yet, he has to check with the band. I told her to tell them it's Nirvana, they partied with us before."
"Alright, and then what?"
"We take Kurt with us and tell them what happened, and try to get them to change him back."
"Sounds like a good plane."
Krist sighed.
"I hope so. It's either this, or destroy Kurt and our lives."
"Oh Krist come on, our lives wont be destroyed, we'd still have Baby Kurt."
"Yeah, till up to the part where he starts remembering."
Dave sighed. He went back into the living room and seen Kurt was asleep. He took the bottle from him, knowing Kurt shouldn't be drinking on a bottle in his sleep.
"I want you back as the actual Kurt, but I love the baby side of you also." Dave said to him, as he slept.
Dave picked him up and decided to carry him to his room.

Two hours later Dave and Krist was all sitting around the table in their living room doing cocaine. It was only for fun, just so they'd have something to do, Krist said he was really bored, and decided they should go get some cocaine. Dave was really against it at first, since they have a baby in the house now and they need to take care of him. But Baby Kurt is sleeping and so Dave and Krist have some time to their selfs.
Kurt started to wake up, he didn't feel like crying, although he did noticed his bottle was gone and that Dave wasn't around for him.
"Da-dah." Kurt said, standing up in the crib.
"Bowtle." He said again, looking around for Dave, but there was no Dave.
The Kurt did something crazy that was really dangerous, he started to crawl out of the crib, he feel and landed on his belly. He didn't cry, just got back up and started to walk out of the room and down to the hall, to the steps that lead to the living room.

"Hey, I'm going to run into the kitchen and make something to eat, you want anything?" Krist asked, knowing the cocaine was wearing off.
"Sure, I'll just come in with you." Dave said, getting up off the couch.
They never seen Baby Kurt walking down the stairs, but they should have. Kurt was too small to be walking down the stairs of the huge house they live in.
"Me hungwey." Kurt said, going into the living room and looking for Dave. He never found him.
"Da-dah!" Kurt screamed, but still nothing.
He went over to the table Dave and Krist was sitting, he stared at the white powder on the table.

Dave came back into the living room, he spied Kurt standing by table with his figers in his mouth.
"Kurt." Dave said, walking over towards him.
"How the fuck did you get down here?"
Kurt started at him.
"Hungwy." Kurt said.
Dave started to panic.
"You climbed out of your crib. Kurt that's fucking dangerous!" He screamed.
He seen Kurt was licking something off of his fingers, he reached for Kurt's hand, noticing the white powder, then he looked over at the table.
"Oh fuck!" He said.
He noticed the white powder on Kurt's hand was the white powder that was on the table, Kurt had eaten all of it. Dave started to panic.
"Krist! Krist! Get the fuck in here now!" He screamed.
Krist walked into the living room, holding the sandwich he made.
"What?" He asked, noticing Kurt.
"Did you wake him up?"
"No. He fucking climbed out of his crib, and Krist, he fucking ate the cocaine that was on the table!" Dave screamed.
Krist emidantly dropped the sandwich he was holding and ran over to Kurt.
"How the fuck did he get out of his crib?" Krist asked.
"I don't know, he must have crawled out."
"Shit, he needs to go to the hospital right now!"
Dave turned quickly to Krist.
"What, no. They'll take him from us!"
"Well what else are we going to do, he's ate too much of that stuff, he could die."
Then Kurt started to cry.
"What's wrong?" Dave asked.
"I don't know."
Kurt started to walk away covering his ears, he couldn't take Dave and Krist fighting. The Kurt falls down to the floor uncontentious.
"KURT!" Dave screamed, running over to him.
Krist got up and dialed nine one one, he knows he shouldn't, but it's a risk they're going to half to take.

Love Buzz

2009-07-22T12:51:24Z

Dave's P.O.V.

Nirvana was yet again touring. And now we were in England. Britain. Great! Britian! Pssh.
We're walking on the side walk when we look at the curb to find, in big white letters, 'LOOK RIGHT'. I was ahead of the group so I turned around and walked back to them. "I can't understnd this traffic shit."
Of course, Krist being the loud mouth cursing one interupes. "F*ck the traffic!" He turned to the street where a few cars were driving by. "F*ck it man! Start driving normally!! What's your problem?!"
Kurt giggled sweetly. His arms were folded over his chest. His infamous green overcoat hung limply over his thin body. The way it looks, being so long and Kurt's arms folded, made him look like he was in a mental asylum in a straightjacket. He was wearing his nicest outfit. His red and black striped shirt and a pair of loose, cut up raggity jeans. His hair was the best part though. Stringy and greasy looking as it fell from his head, in front of his face, and off his ears.
Krist and me weren't as dressed nicely like Kurt. I was wearing a black jacket covering only up to my stomach, and a pair of blue jeans all nice and fixed. Unlike Kurt's. But when though his were ripped everywhere, he still made them look good.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
.:Before the Concert:.
We were walking down a hallway to the stage when Krist decided to trip himself and Kurt. I pushed Krist for being a retard and helped Kurt up. "Thanks." I love Kurt's voice. So angelic. So pure. So full of pain.
"WTF man!? You help Kurt up but push me!" Krist was joking but it still got him upset. I always did help Kurt before him. "Oh! I understand! Dave~ has a cruuushhh~!"
We were sitting on the couch in the studio before the show. Krist was sitting on the arm chair and me and Kurt were sitting together on the couch. Kurt was sitting crouched low with his hood over his head slightly. I was sitting up straight.
"I do not!" I rebutted, blushing deeply. Kurt giggled and I could tell he was blushing too. I turned to him as he was looking the other way.
Krist put his hand up to his face like a a person would do if they were in love in a TV show. "Awww~! Kurt and Dave sitting in a tree. F-U-C-K-I-N-G!!"
I attacked krist tackleing him to the ground blushing VERY deeply. Kurt doesn't know how I care for him and he isn't about to find out. Krist laughed and I could hear shuffling behind me. I stop and look back to see Kurt had pulled his legs up onto the couch and was hugging them gingerly. He always did this when he was depressed. He blinked slowly and starred at the floor.
I stood up and walked over to him. He looked up at me. "Are you okay? You seem sad."
He sighed and smiled slightly. "Yeah. Just tired." I moved and sat down next to him. He looked at me saddly and laid his head on my shoulder. He alway did this. And I love it even more every time he does.
"Are you sure? If your tired, we can cancel the show."
"No! I'm fine. I'll take a nap after the show." He smiles at me brightly. I smile to. His smile is so contagious.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
.:Concert:.

Buzz Love. I love that song. Kurt was singing happily and Krist was playing. I was banging the drums rythmly. (coughcough wishes he could bang Kurt cough) After the second verse, Kurt decided to jump into the crowd. Bad idea. Soon he's in a tug-a-war between the audience and the security guards. I know Kurt can get wild during a show, but then he started hitting one of the guilds with his guitar. Both groups let him go and start fighting with each other.
Kurt summersults away from them and towards the back of the stage. A soon as he gets up, the guild he had attacked with his guitar punched him.
'Oh no he didn't.' Kurt fall as Krist and me stop playing and I jump over my drums, running towards him. Krist, me, and other guards start yelling at the one who just hit my beloved Kurt.
I slip away from them and go quickly to Kurt. He's laying on his side with his guitar next to him. The guitar is broken and he is unconscience. I pick him up and craddle his head on my neck, supporting him with one arm under his knees and the other on his lower back.
I look at him as he lays in my arms so still. his cheek is starting to swell and his mouth is slightly open. He looks peaceful. I turn and leave the stage. The crowd is yelling at the guard things like 'No!' and 'Bullsh*t!'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was backstage with Kurt. He was laying on th couch with his head on my lap. I was holding an ice-pack to my Kurty's face. Yes. Kurty.That's my nickname for him. He woke up after a while.
He sat up and looked at my, holding his cheek. "D-Dave. Ow!"
"Lay down, Kurt. When Krist comes back, we'll rake you to the doctor. I think you broke your cheek bone. He did as he was told and placed his head back on my lap. He turned it slightly and nuzzled into the bottom of my stomach a little. I blushed as he smiled warmly. I was so surprised that I didn't have boner by now.
I love Kurty. And I think loves me too. But not now. Eventually. Maybe.

I took a video I found on YouTube of random Nirvana films and made a story. I'm sorry. I suck at writing.

Nirvana Fanfic 2

2009-07-22T12:44:17Z

Dave's P.O.V.

I sat in the 'living room' in the cabin type, recording studio, hotel type place our manager had got for us. It's quite cozzy. I was practicing guitar, even though I'm the drummer, I've always wanted to play guitar. So I'm learning. I'm trying to be quiet because Kurt's in the his bedroom taking a nap. He hasn't been feeling good lately.
I stop playing and move the guitar aside and back on the couch. I rub my head but stop when I hear a soft sob. I stand and walk to Kurt's door. I press my ear to it and I can quietly hear soft sobbing. I grab the doorknob and turn it pushing in the door. I walk in and see Kurt sitting on his bed with his legs up and his back to the head board. He's holding something but I can't see it. His eyes are hidden and his head is in between his knees.
I'm shocked. I had brought food in here for him before and now I see it laying on the nighstand. "Kurt?" I call his name and his head shoots up and he quickly wipes his eyes. "Kurt. Are you okay?" I step into the room and walk over to him.
I sit on the bed next to him and look at him. The thing he was holding was my drum stick. "Hey, Dave. Yeah! I'm fine. Why?" I look at his shaking hand and grab hold of it. He releases the drum stick. "Sorry. I found it and didn't want to... put it anywhere. Just in case I'd put it somewhere and you wouldn't find it."
I look at him and he seems to be almost scaried. I pick my hand off his and place it on his cheek. "Kurt. Are you okay? If something's botherig you, you can tell me, you know." I stroke his cheek and he turns his attention to his knees. "Kurt. Please don't be scaried. Just tell me what's wrong."
He shakes his head and looks down sadly. "Kurt. You know you can tell me anything, right?" He nods. "Then tell me. I won't be mad at you. I could never be mad at you." He shakes his head. "Please Kurt. I could help you.
He shakes his head. "You'd be mad at me if I told you." I shakes my head and continue to ask him. "Okay fine! Just please, don't be mad at me." I smile. "Dave. I know it sounds weird, but... I'm gay."
I open my mouth in shock. Of course it was kinda predictable, I've NEVER seen him with a girl. But then again, never with a guy. He looks at me and tears fall. "Kurt. Are you serious?" He nods.
"I knew you'd be mad. I'm sorry. But I need you to know something else. And you'll probably hate me for it. But... Dave... I love you. There I said it! Now you can run away and hate me forever." He covered his face with his knees and began to sob. He was expecting me to run away?
I moved my hand to his shoulder. He lifted his face slightly and looked at me from the top of his eyes. I placed my thumb on his chin and my finger under it and lifted his face. He looked at me and cried, turning away. I took his face again and brought it up. "Kurt. Look at me." He looked me in the eyes as his tears fell. "I would never run away from you. Kurt, I'm going to stay, mybe closer than before." His brow wrinkled in a confused way. I smiled and kissed his lips gently. "I love you, Kurt. I always have. And now, I'm certain you love me. I'll never leave you."
I wrapped my arms around him and brough him out of his fetal position. He sat on his knees as I embraced him closer to my chest. His arms slowly came up and wrapped around my shoulders. He sobbed and thanked me. "Thank you... Dave. I love you, so much." He smiled in my chest and I held him close to my heart.
Krist came home a while later and walked in on us. He smiled and gave me a thumbs up. "You two finally realized who much you love each other." He laughed wildly and walked out. "Who wants a Koldike bar!?" We both laughed and ran to the kitchen. Now Kurt finally ate and we loved. But Krist was throwing up at our loveyness. Jealous much?

1st Posting=Nirvana fanfic

2009-07-22T12:40:43Z

Kurt Cobain's P.O.V.

I woke up when the warmth of the sun's rays hit my face and my nose started to tingle. I moved gently and sat up. I felt weird for some reason. My head was pounding and I knew I had a hangover. But, why was I on the floor? I turned slightly and felt something move next to me. I jumped slightly but it grabbed my hips and pulled me into an embrace. I wanted to scream, but it stroked my hair and kissed me. It sat up and held me, us both sitting up now.
He pulled away and looked in my eyes. Who was this guy? Had I brought him home last night? Was the pain in my lower back cuz of him? Maybe. He began to talk. "Hey, babe. You must be pretty shocked." I was confused. Shocked?
"Wh-what?" I couldn't talk good. My throat felt rough, almost as if I was using it alot. Maybe I was. Dear god.
He giggled and kissed my forehead. "I'm Dave Grohl. You know, meet at a bar, took you to your place, to drunk to walk, fucked, DIDN'T give you a one-night stand. Remember?" It all came back. He had been the one to drive me home when I was COMPLETELY wasted. No wonder my ass and throat hurt. We must have fucked ALL night! Wow. He didn't leave. I'm, touched.
He smirked and placed his hand on mine. "You know, I didn't leave last night because I wanted to make sure you slept okay. So, how'd you sleep?" I smiled and I felt so happy. Some random guy stayed last night, taking the risk of me waking up and possibly bringing him to court for 'rape'.
I could've done that, but no. He was sweet. He got up and that's when I realized he was naked! I almost got a nosebleed from watching him walk into the kitchen. Then I realized I was naked from the waist down. I was only wearing my opened button down shirt. I got up and waked behind him. He was standing in the ktichen with a frying pan on the stove and a few eggs on the counter.
I cigarette hung between his lips and I couldn't help but wish I were that cigarette as he inhaled it deeply. I grabbed my boxers from the floor next to my feet and placed them on. He turned and smiled and I began to blush madly. He walked next to me and reached by my feet for his boxers. On his way up he placed a kiss on my stomach.
I was star struck as he slide his boxers up and began to crack two eggs and pour their contents into the pan. He started to keep the yorks perfect until they burst, so he quickly moved the around and made scrambled eggs. He began to toast some bread next to him and gropped a plate on the counter.
For some reason, I found this to be sexy. I didn't know why, but now I wanted him to fuck me because he knew how to fry eggs. It was hott. He was hott. I walked up behind him and wrapped him arms around him waist. He was taller than me by a few inches. He turned slightly and plaved the eggs on the newlt toasted bread. It turned in my hug and handed me the plate. "Here. You're very thin. You should start eating some more." I grabbed the plates and he made some breakfast for himself. We sat at the table and ate.
First I thought he was hott for cooking, then I thought he was annoying because he cooked for me to eat. I hate my body. I'm always thin and people always point that out to me. I want to weigh more than 99 pounds for once. After food, we went to my bedroom and laid on my bed. My head was in the crook of his neck and he held me tight. My legs bent up slightly and his legs matched.
The world was finally at peace. He kissed me gently on my head and I turned it upward to meet his gaze. He smiled and pecked my lips. "I love you. I don't know you're name, cuz you barely talk, but I love you." He spoke gently. His words conforted me.
"Kurt. My name's Kurt. Cobain." He giggled and his grip on me grew tighter. I loved it. That day, we spent in bed, getting rid of our hangovers and just watching TV half naked.
Night came and we still spent it together. With him between my legs and me panting wildly. I loved the rush he gave me! It was rough and wild and unorganized, but I was having a thrill. He made me moan and pant and come and... oh god! Again! I loved it all. I loved Dave Grohl!
I pulled his hair and he thrust in me. And I screamed and he groaned. It's amzing. I've known him for 2 nights and 1 day and... I love him. I need to tell Krist about him. So I called him that morning. While I walked around the living room with a phone in my hand held to my ear, Dave slept in the bedroom. He had out done himself last night.
I told Krist how we meet and how we spent the previous day together. He laughed and asked to meet Dave. Of course, I agreed. Krist came around noon. By then Dave had awaken and was holding me gently on the couch. My back to his chest, his arms around my stomach. I held his arms gingerly while my feet were on the couch turned to the left. I laid between his legs and his head was by my ear, whispering sweet nothings. I was defnityly in love.
Krist didn't knock. He never does. He came in and squealed when he saw us cuddling. On the TV was some news report about a little boy being molested by the priest in his church. We weren't paying attention. Krsit came ans sat next to us holding out a bag of chinese food he had picked up on his way over. Dave grabbed it and brought it to the table. I came behind him and wrapped my arms around him again. I kissed the top of his back by his neck and he giggled.
Krist was behind us squealing and making kissy faces at us. We just smiled and nodded.

It's been three years since that day me and Dave meet. We got drunk, rode around, and fucked. And now we're getting married. Him in a black tux with a white shirt and black tie and me in a matching outfit with my tux jacket a bit bigger than my body, making it hang losely.
We say our vows and 'i do's and we kiss. Just like the night we meet. But this time, I wasn't wasted out of my mind. That happened later at the reciption. We had our wedding night. Krist wanted to record it. Sick weirdo. I love him. But not like the way I love my Mister Dave Grohl.

a_quiet_room @ 2009-07-22T01:17:00

2009-07-22T05:21:57Z

TITLE: Too Much
PART: none
CHARACTERS: Kurt/Dave
SUMMARY: Dave cares for Kurt way too much
DISCLAIMER: Language

Kurt was laying down in bed one night, couldn't sleep, kept tossing and turning. Everything ran through his mind at night, which makes it more harder for him to fall asleep. Usually he goes and sleeps in Dave's room, and when Dave's not around he sleeps in Krist's room, to try to have someone to fall asleep with. Kurt some times just needs his time by himself, that's why he's in his own room right now. But something wasn't right, he sighed throwing the covers away from him, and then getting up and walking down a hall. He came to the first door he seen, he opened it and went over to the bed, he knows who's room this is, and he also knows what he's doing. He crawled up into the bed.
"Dave?" He asked, still crawling over to him.
The bed was huge, could fit all of Nirvana into the bed.
"Dave, you awake?" Kurt asked again, this time taking his hand and lowering it into Dave's boxers.
Dave was awake, and knew exactly what Kurt was doing, he's done this a couple of times before. Kurt's not gay, Dave thought. But he does love the dick, doesn't he. Kurt's touch was just right, putting his hands around Dave's cock, and rubbing it. Dave was actually getting to like this, and so was Kurt, then Dave did something that frighten Kurt. He put his arm around Kurt's. Kurt jumped back in surprise.
"I didn't know you was awake!" He said.
"Shh..It's alright. We don't we just keep this our little secret?"
"Yeah, alright."
Dave gave him a friendly, nice look. Kurt picked up one of his blankets Dave leaves in the room, and he puts it around him, laying down and finally getting some sleep. Dave stared at Kurt as he slept. How his breathing was, how he looked so peaceful with the moonlight coming off his face. Dave smiled, and laid back down.

****

Kurt started to walk down a ally way, this way had hookers down the ally. Kurt didn't care about them, he just walked on by as they called for him. Some cussed him out for not paying attention to them and some just fucked off. Just what Kurt wanted. He wasn't out looking for sex, he barely cared for it. All Kurt loved was to play music and sing. That's what his whole life was about. Then out of no where Dave came and pushed him up side the wall, making sure no one was around.
"What are?" Kurt tried to say, but Dave cut him off.
"Shh. No. I win this time."
Kurt looked confused. Dave went to unbottened Kurt's jeans.
"Dave?"
"Be quite, someone might hear you."
"Why?"
"Returning the favor." Dave said smiling. And then gave Kurt the best blow job he's ever had.
Kurt put his head back on the brick wall trying to stay quite, but it was hard, god dam Dave gives some good blow jobs. His eyes started rolling back as he was loving it. Then Dave finished. Kurt looked down at Dave, Dave was whipping his face off.
"How was that?"
"Fucking fantastic. Didn't know you liked dick."
"I don't. But it seems like you do."
"No, I've never been fucked, but I've have gotten blow jobs for money."
Dave was shocked, Kurt was selling himself.
"No Dave, don't think of it like that. I don't sell my ass. I just want it sometime."
"By men or women?"
"Both, sometimes."
Dave came over and kissed Kurt, Kurt looked at him.
"I want you." Dave said.
"Dave, I'm not gay."
"I know, but I want you. You belong to me, no one else."
Then Dave took a pocket knife out of his back pocket. He grabbed Kurt's wrist, Kurt seemed scared.
"Dave what are doing?" He asked.
"Making you mine."
Dave placed the knife down onto Kurt's wrist and sliced open his wrist. Kurt gasped as the knife ran through. Dave released his hand, and Kurt grabbed it to inspect it. It was bleeding like hell, did Dave knew what he was doing? Kurt thought. Then Dave turned the knife on him and sliced his wrist open. Dave grabbed Kurt's hand again and then put his cut he had on Kurt's.
"Dave, you can get sick now by mixing your blood with someone else's."
Dave rolled his eyes.
"Oh stop, you'll be fine. Just go home and put a cold rag on it." He told him.

****
That same day Krist and Dave was in the Nirvana house, Kurt was no where to be found, Dave was getting worried, that Kurt had taken the car and probably wrecked some where. Kurt was accident prone by the way. The phone ranged and Krist answered it.
"He did what?!" He asked. Dave came over.
"God dam it! We're on are way." He slammed the phone down.
"Come on."
"What happen, was it Kurt?" Dave asked, panicked.
"Yeah, Kurt did a shit load of cocaine and can't be controlled.

Dave ran out of the house, trying to get to were Kurt was, think god it was actually one street down. Kurt's dealer Zeppy is also his friend, not just friend, but best friend. They walked into the house. They saw Kurt on the floor having a tantrum or something. Dave ran over to him. But Krist went over to Zeppy.
"Easy alright."
"What did he take?"
"Um..Heroin he did, and cocaine."
Dave looked over to Zeppy and Krist.
"That's fucking dangerous!" He shouted.
"How much cocaine?" Krist asked, ignoring Dave and Kurt.
"I-I don't know, like twent grams."
Krist looked shocked. twenty! How the fuck is he still alive?!
"How the fuck could you let that happen, you're suppose to be his friend."
"I know, I know, but he came over he seemed really lost, and I wanted him to calm down. I didn't know he'd take it all. Honest."
"We half to get him home." Dave said, lifting Kurt up. Krist came over also to help.
"I'm sorry. I really am-" But Zeppy was cut off by Krist's fist in his mouth.

They brought Kurt home and laid him in Dave's bed. Kurt's sure going to get scolded tomorrow that's for sure, Krist thought.
"I'll stay with him, you can go." Dave said.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, he seems to be calming down some." Dave looked down at Kurt.
"Spiders, ahhh, leave me alone! Noooo!" Kurt screamed.
Dave had to laugh, Kurt was being too cute. He played with his hair, wanting him to calm down. He laid down beside him, taking him into his arms.
"Shh..." Dave said, singing Kurt some lullaby.
Kurt knew the song, Dave has always song it too him when Kurt was upset or anything. Kurt started to calm down some, and Dave sighed.

****
Kurt woke up with the sun in his eyes, it hurt so bad, his head was pounding and he felt his heart racing, feeling like it was going to beat right out, he tried to sit up, but found a pain deep inside his head. He put a hand up to his head.
"Owe, what the fuck." Kurt said, trying to remember what happen.
"Glade to see you're finally awake." Dave said.
Kurt tried to open his eyes.
"What happen?"
"What happen, you don't remember?"
Kurt shook his head no.
"Fucking cocaine and heroin? Are you fucking insane!" Dave screamed.
Kurt shut his eyes from Dave's screaming. Kurt feels like he's having a very bad migrain.
"Please, no screaming."
"No screaming! Why the fuck not, you almost go and kill your self. You know I was worried to death about you."
"Alright, stop." Kurt said, putting his arm over his eyes.
"No, you're going to stop, you're going to stop all these drugs. Krist and I talked it over, you're going to rehab." Dave explained.
Kurt jummped up.
"You can't do that too me."
"Oh yes we can, we already have everything set up."
Kurt started to cry.
"No, it's not that serious. Please I can't go. I can't." Tears streaming down his face. Dave came over to him.
"It's too much Kurt, we could have lost you last night. You're going, end of discussion. Game over."
Kurt hugged Dave and cried.

~the end~