https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zg4cYdP1ngw
this song has been meaning so much to me lately!!!
Sunday, March 8, 2015
Wednesday, February 25, 2015
tin or aluminum?? diamonds are a girl's best friend
dreamt of it all my life. played those MASH games growing up and had which friends i would have on my big day with how many kids i would have... signed many last names after my name to see which one would sound the best on notebook paper during class. looked through magazine after magazine of beautiful women dressed in white from head to toe at barnes n noble since my teen years... and ten years ago, those dreams came true... but the last name was not my favorite. :)
ten years ago, i woke up from a night of unrest. i had stayed up most of the night thinking about my wedding day. what was it going to be like?? was everything going to turn out? all my nerves were in my stomach. and then it was time to get up and start getting ready.
ten years ago, i went to breakfast with both sides of the family and then headed to the salon. i felt like cinderella... my make up artist was my fairy godmother... turned plain jane into a princess, but this magic did not end at the strike up midnight... instead as time went by, the magic just got better.
ten years ago, i waited in the basement of bethel, the nursery, waiting for P to walk in and see me for the first time in the most beautiful dress i have ever owned or have put on in my life. from top to bottom, i was decked out to be the bride to my prince charming.
ten years ago, i held my daddy's hand down the long aisle to marry the man who stood at the other side with a huge smile on his face... to marry the man whose face glowed with pride that he was marrying me... to marry the man that thought i was the cutest most wonderful woman in the whole world... to marry the man that loved me for who i am, all of me... to marry the man that wanted to take me on an adventure across the world... to marry my man.
ten years ago, i married the man of my dreams. the man that fit all the qualities i had desired in a man was going to be my husband, except the one that he had no control over (i wanted a korean guy) and... we were going to spend the rest of our lives together.
today i read from psalm 139, the chapter of the bible that P engraved in my wedding ring.
today i read "You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways." (v. 3)
today i was struck by that verse... God searched out my path... i don't know how it reads to you, but it said two things to me...
1. i am worth the trouble that God searched out a path for me. i'm sure it's not like doing research on google, getting my meyers-briggs to determine the best match for my personality, or trying out different puzzle pieces to see what piece goes with what... but that i was worth the time to think through what was going to be best for me... He, the one that fearfully and wonderfully made me, made time out of His infinite time to plan out my life. and...
2. as much as my life sometimes doesn't make sense... actually some parts don't make any sense at all... this was the path that He searched out for me, the well thought out plan made from an abba who loves me... who formed my inward parts and knit me together in my mother's womb.
today i grieve the fact that i am remembering our 10 year anniversary instead of celebrating it with the person i married.
today i celebrate the wonderful of gift of A that was given through the marriage i had.
today i hope in the path that i am still walking.
today i rejoice in the truth my path was made by my abba, who took time to search out what is best for me, even the painful parts of the path.
today i remember that God is good... all the time.
tonight i go to bed alone, yet again, and will wake in the morning... but thankful that tomorrow will be a new morning... his steadfast love and his mercies... they are new every morning... great is His faithfulness!!!
(the meaning behind the title... the first two are traditional gifts people give at the 10 year mark and the third one is the more modern one. :) - i would have wanted a diamond. :) )
ten years ago, i woke up from a night of unrest. i had stayed up most of the night thinking about my wedding day. what was it going to be like?? was everything going to turn out? all my nerves were in my stomach. and then it was time to get up and start getting ready.
ten years ago, i went to breakfast with both sides of the family and then headed to the salon. i felt like cinderella... my make up artist was my fairy godmother... turned plain jane into a princess, but this magic did not end at the strike up midnight... instead as time went by, the magic just got better.
ten years ago, i waited in the basement of bethel, the nursery, waiting for P to walk in and see me for the first time in the most beautiful dress i have ever owned or have put on in my life. from top to bottom, i was decked out to be the bride to my prince charming.
ten years ago, i held my daddy's hand down the long aisle to marry the man who stood at the other side with a huge smile on his face... to marry the man whose face glowed with pride that he was marrying me... to marry the man that thought i was the cutest most wonderful woman in the whole world... to marry the man that loved me for who i am, all of me... to marry the man that wanted to take me on an adventure across the world... to marry my man.
ten years ago, i married the man of my dreams. the man that fit all the qualities i had desired in a man was going to be my husband, except the one that he had no control over (i wanted a korean guy) and... we were going to spend the rest of our lives together.
today i read from psalm 139, the chapter of the bible that P engraved in my wedding ring.
today i read "You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways." (v. 3)
today i was struck by that verse... God searched out my path... i don't know how it reads to you, but it said two things to me...
1. i am worth the trouble that God searched out a path for me. i'm sure it's not like doing research on google, getting my meyers-briggs to determine the best match for my personality, or trying out different puzzle pieces to see what piece goes with what... but that i was worth the time to think through what was going to be best for me... He, the one that fearfully and wonderfully made me, made time out of His infinite time to plan out my life. and...
2. as much as my life sometimes doesn't make sense... actually some parts don't make any sense at all... this was the path that He searched out for me, the well thought out plan made from an abba who loves me... who formed my inward parts and knit me together in my mother's womb.
today i grieve the fact that i am remembering our 10 year anniversary instead of celebrating it with the person i married.
today i celebrate the wonderful of gift of A that was given through the marriage i had.
today i hope in the path that i am still walking.
today i rejoice in the truth my path was made by my abba, who took time to search out what is best for me, even the painful parts of the path.
today i remember that God is good... all the time.
this is P and i celebrating our second anniversary.
today when A went to bed she prayed...
"God thank you that today my mom and dad got married 10 years ago. Thank you that my mom is still alive."
today i am thankful that i am alive!!
tonight i go to bed alone, yet again, and will wake in the morning... but thankful that tomorrow will be a new morning... his steadfast love and his mercies... they are new every morning... great is His faithfulness!!!
(the meaning behind the title... the first two are traditional gifts people give at the 10 year mark and the third one is the more modern one. :) - i would have wanted a diamond. :) )
Monday, July 21, 2014
Singing in the Rain
Do you ever wonder if the pains of the external are caused by the hidden pains of the internals? Do you ever wonder if your body is really reacting to the pains that are being kept in a dark place in your heart because you don’t know what to do with it? Some times I know that is true of my pain…
Thursday I had this awful pain in my right shoulder. I was in so much pain I had to lie on the floor and not move for about an hour. Well for the past few days, I have been using the ice hot pads, icing and taking tons of ibuprofen. In the uncertainties of the cause of the pain, I found myself on edge. I was impatient with A and feeling a bit uneasy. And it hit me today as I opened a can of diet coke and on the side it said, "share with a friend". I took a picture of that and sent it to my girls in Chicago... I missed them so much and I really hadn't been dealing with my loss and pain since I had been so busy trying to help A with hers. Then this evening, one of those girls called me and we were on the phone for like 40 minutes talking about life, sharing stories, laughing and talking about how much we missed each other and each other's kids... That did some soul care for me. After talking to her I noticed that some of the pressure pain I was feeling on my should was diminishing. I am a very stress sick kind of person... I mean I get sick easily when I'm stressed and under stress I find myself struggling with muscle aches and upset stomachs... I may have really hurt my shoulder since I was playing in the pool with a bunch of kids the day before, but that may have not been all of it. I forget to take care of my heart at times and find myself kicking myself in the butt for not being attentive to myself.
A few days ago, A and I went on an errand. This particular day A was having a hard day. She wanted to go back "home to Chicago" and was just being difficult. But I had an appointment to go to and she just had to suck it up and deal with it for a little while. As we drove to my appointment, we could see the clouds rolling in. It was a bit early for rain from what we had experienced, so I didn't think much of it. I parked my car and we went into the appointment. As we are in there the rain started pouring down. I mean it was buckets of rain coming down with winds blowing, so the rain was actually coming sideways. The guy who was helping me at the appointment was like, "I better finish this fast just in case the electricity goes out and we lose everything." Anyway... my errand was done and we had a choice, do we run for the car or wait it out? It didn't look like it was going to end any time soon, so we decided to run for the car, in which that day, I parked pretty far. So A and I booked it to the car, meanwhile every inch of our body was soaked and A and I were laughing the whole run. We get in the car and A shouts, "THIS IS AWESOME!!!"
It's funny how A just needed a downpour of rain to help her in her need to go home and I needed a friend to call and talk to me.
Transition is hard. Taking care of ourselves is hard. But dealing with it in strides and making sure you know the signs of your spiritual, emotional and physical health is so important in living a overall healthy life.
I miss Chicago. I miss my friends. I miss my neighbor who leaves little goodies on our door. I miss my friends in DP where I could call around to see if they could take A for an afternoon while I go to get pampered. I miss going to church and though I'm alone, I know there is someone that will want to sit with me. I miss the pool we go to in the summer. I miss the knowns. I miss Portillos - chopped salad and cheese fries with a diet coke.
I love that we live a block from our community pool and we could walk there everyday for a couple hours and play. I love that there is a Menchies right across the street from our house. I love that our house has an extra room where people could come and visit. I love that the people we know here are being proactive in getting us connected and helping us through this transition.
There are always ups and downs in change.
I was talking to someone here and they were telling me how it took them two years before they finally felt like they weren't on a long vacation. I remember it took us six months before we felt like Indo was somewhat home. I know it's going to take time... I also know that once school starts and work starts for us that will help. Yet as for now... the roller coaster ride continues, but until then, random times of singing in the rain will have to do.
Thursday I had this awful pain in my right shoulder. I was in so much pain I had to lie on the floor and not move for about an hour. Well for the past few days, I have been using the ice hot pads, icing and taking tons of ibuprofen. In the uncertainties of the cause of the pain, I found myself on edge. I was impatient with A and feeling a bit uneasy. And it hit me today as I opened a can of diet coke and on the side it said, "share with a friend". I took a picture of that and sent it to my girls in Chicago... I missed them so much and I really hadn't been dealing with my loss and pain since I had been so busy trying to help A with hers. Then this evening, one of those girls called me and we were on the phone for like 40 minutes talking about life, sharing stories, laughing and talking about how much we missed each other and each other's kids... That did some soul care for me. After talking to her I noticed that some of the pressure pain I was feeling on my should was diminishing. I am a very stress sick kind of person... I mean I get sick easily when I'm stressed and under stress I find myself struggling with muscle aches and upset stomachs... I may have really hurt my shoulder since I was playing in the pool with a bunch of kids the day before, but that may have not been all of it. I forget to take care of my heart at times and find myself kicking myself in the butt for not being attentive to myself.
A few days ago, A and I went on an errand. This particular day A was having a hard day. She wanted to go back "home to Chicago" and was just being difficult. But I had an appointment to go to and she just had to suck it up and deal with it for a little while. As we drove to my appointment, we could see the clouds rolling in. It was a bit early for rain from what we had experienced, so I didn't think much of it. I parked my car and we went into the appointment. As we are in there the rain started pouring down. I mean it was buckets of rain coming down with winds blowing, so the rain was actually coming sideways. The guy who was helping me at the appointment was like, "I better finish this fast just in case the electricity goes out and we lose everything." Anyway... my errand was done and we had a choice, do we run for the car or wait it out? It didn't look like it was going to end any time soon, so we decided to run for the car, in which that day, I parked pretty far. So A and I booked it to the car, meanwhile every inch of our body was soaked and A and I were laughing the whole run. We get in the car and A shouts, "THIS IS AWESOME!!!"
It's funny how A just needed a downpour of rain to help her in her need to go home and I needed a friend to call and talk to me.
Transition is hard. Taking care of ourselves is hard. But dealing with it in strides and making sure you know the signs of your spiritual, emotional and physical health is so important in living a overall healthy life.
I miss Chicago. I miss my friends. I miss my neighbor who leaves little goodies on our door. I miss my friends in DP where I could call around to see if they could take A for an afternoon while I go to get pampered. I miss going to church and though I'm alone, I know there is someone that will want to sit with me. I miss the pool we go to in the summer. I miss the knowns. I miss Portillos - chopped salad and cheese fries with a diet coke.
I love that we live a block from our community pool and we could walk there everyday for a couple hours and play. I love that there is a Menchies right across the street from our house. I love that our house has an extra room where people could come and visit. I love that the people we know here are being proactive in getting us connected and helping us through this transition.
There are always ups and downs in change.
I was talking to someone here and they were telling me how it took them two years before they finally felt like they weren't on a long vacation. I remember it took us six months before we felt like Indo was somewhat home. I know it's going to take time... I also know that once school starts and work starts for us that will help. Yet as for now... the roller coaster ride continues, but until then, random times of singing in the rain will have to do.
Monday, July 7, 2014
new means mourning...
it has been a week and four days since we arrived in orlando. so much has happened in these past few months and all of that was in preparation to come here... packing, visiting with people, parties and more parties, good byes and see you laters... then a three day drive to orlando...
now that we are here and starting the new, we find ourselves also mourning the old. we both miss our home and our friends, our church family and are finding ourselves comparing, not on purpose but would be like, "remember in chicago..." new is good, but it is also a sad and hard time. we love our new house and have been making it a very "P girls"-ish house. there are definite touches of us all over the house... our favorite is our new pink pull out couch that we got for our guest/entertainment room.
as i transition and begin to settle here, i realize that these past couple months i haven't had time, space or the strength to sit and think and reflect on that's going on, i just kept going, had things to do and i was the only one that could get it done. saturday our friend, JM, who drove with us to orlando left... that departure set it off for me to begin my grief and really feel the void of all the knowns. today A is at a camp where she will be picked up and dropped off daily for this week. my drive home after dropping her off was full of tears. tears of sadness, tears of grief, tears of relief, tears of joy, tears of mourning, tears of release...
now that we are here and starting the new, we find ourselves also mourning the old. we both miss our home and our friends, our church family and are finding ourselves comparing, not on purpose but would be like, "remember in chicago..." new is good, but it is also a sad and hard time. we love our new house and have been making it a very "P girls"-ish house. there are definite touches of us all over the house... our favorite is our new pink pull out couch that we got for our guest/entertainment room.
as i transition and begin to settle here, i realize that these past couple months i haven't had time, space or the strength to sit and think and reflect on that's going on, i just kept going, had things to do and i was the only one that could get it done. saturday our friend, JM, who drove with us to orlando left... that departure set it off for me to begin my grief and really feel the void of all the knowns. today A is at a camp where she will be picked up and dropped off daily for this week. my drive home after dropping her off was full of tears. tears of sadness, tears of grief, tears of relief, tears of joy, tears of mourning, tears of release...
it's only been a week and four days, but it feels like so long ago. JM and i worked night and day trying to get so much done before she left so that i didn't have to do so much on my own. there are still things to get done, but i feel like i need to give my body a rest. our new place has stairs, which my body is not used to. :) so carrying heavy things up and down the stairs about 100 times a day, my legs are soar, my body is soar and my heart just needs some time to catch up to where we are. that's why instead of emptying the few boxes i have left and sorting through things and even making calls i need to make, i'm taking time to cry, blog and even rest today so that my heart, mind and body could all be together feeling and experiencing the same thing. i think in the midst of chaos and getting things done, we automatically numb certain parts of us so that we could get the work done, which works for some time, but if you do that too long, it's going to backfire and you'll find yourself in a mess. i don't want to be in that state, so... today is a jj heller, tea and a good book kind of day.
thank you so much everyone for praying for us during this time of our life and continuing to support us in so many ways. please continue to pray for us as we settle... MY BIGGEST PRAYER REQUEST RIGHT NOW IS FINDING A CHURCH COMMUNITY. we have visited a couple and are continuing seeking, but please pray that we could find a good fit.
we live in a townhouse. our backyard is all woods and off to the right (about 50 feet) there is a pond and this is what we get to see during the day. God's creation is so beautiful!!
Sunday, June 15, 2014
sack cloth and ashes
there have been multiple times today where i almost lost it crying. six years ago today i sent my husband to the hospital... six years ago today was the last time i saw my husband alive and responsive... six years ago today we celebrated father's day for the last time... six years ago tomorrow my husband will be the day we celebrate (?) his home going... six years ago tomorrow was the day my life fell apart, it was the day that i felt like the ground gave way from under me and i found myself in the deepest darkest part of the earth. six years ago tomorrow is the day i walked into a room and through a glass window i saw disaster, a nightmare that i couldn't wake from for days, weeks and months there after.
the reason i found myself almost losing it wasn't because of the memories of that day, but of all the things that he is missing, that i'm missing with him... at A's dance show this weekend, there was a dance where the dads of some of the girls came out and did a number as well. it made me sad to think that A doesn't have a dad to do that for her.
with moving and having A's dance show (her last one here) and saying good bye to so many people... and on top of that having this day come around once a year... it's a little much right now. crunch time has arrived... this thursday the movers will be here 8:30 in the morning ready to take our stuff down to Orlando. then it's more back to back good byes with friends and family... then the following tuesday we are off to Orlando.
so yes... this day is hard... remembering the day of the greatest loss for some reason does seem more than the normal day to day feeling of the same loss... don't know why that is true, but i guess it is the reason for the day to day feeling of the loss. nonetheless... i am mourning... mourning the loss of a husband, the soon to be loss of the condo that has been a great home for us for the past three years, the soon to come final good-byes to Chicago, the mourning of great uncles that will not be around in terms of distance for A, the mourning of losing friendships for A and the moms of those friends that became my friends, the mourning of girlfriends that i love so so much.... so much is going to be a loss. YES i understand there will be great things ahead and adventures... new friendships and community, BUT just as there is a time for celebration, i feel tonight is a night of mourning. i could see why in the Bible times people wore sackcloth and ashes... sometimes you just want people to know what the state of your inside is on the outside.
the reason i found myself almost losing it wasn't because of the memories of that day, but of all the things that he is missing, that i'm missing with him... at A's dance show this weekend, there was a dance where the dads of some of the girls came out and did a number as well. it made me sad to think that A doesn't have a dad to do that for her.
with moving and having A's dance show (her last one here) and saying good bye to so many people... and on top of that having this day come around once a year... it's a little much right now. crunch time has arrived... this thursday the movers will be here 8:30 in the morning ready to take our stuff down to Orlando. then it's more back to back good byes with friends and family... then the following tuesday we are off to Orlando.
so yes... this day is hard... remembering the day of the greatest loss for some reason does seem more than the normal day to day feeling of the same loss... don't know why that is true, but i guess it is the reason for the day to day feeling of the loss. nonetheless... i am mourning... mourning the loss of a husband, the soon to be loss of the condo that has been a great home for us for the past three years, the soon to come final good-byes to Chicago, the mourning of great uncles that will not be around in terms of distance for A, the mourning of losing friendships for A and the moms of those friends that became my friends, the mourning of girlfriends that i love so so much.... so much is going to be a loss. YES i understand there will be great things ahead and adventures... new friendships and community, BUT just as there is a time for celebration, i feel tonight is a night of mourning. i could see why in the Bible times people wore sackcloth and ashes... sometimes you just want people to know what the state of your inside is on the outside.
Thursday, May 22, 2014
No more 4 suitcases
There has been a lot of changes in these past few months... where do I even start? I'll start by saying that GOD IS GOOD!! He is one that ordains all things before they even happen and there are times that I think I know what's best for me, then I realize that the Lord is like, "Oh no E.. That's not it." It takes me a while some times to realize that, but nonetheless He lets me know His good and wonderful deeds, leading me to the path that He has paved out for me.
I began this year thinking that I was going to return to the field of education. My desire is and always will be to invest in the life that the Lord has entrusted me with, A. Although I went back to school for three years to get my Masters in Counseling Ministries, I knew that if I got a job in the counseling field, I would not be able to invest as much in A as I want to. So going back to education made sense since then A and I could be on the same schedule. So I applied to schools both internationally and domestically. None seem to work for a variety of reasons. At that time, I was going down to PI for a conference and maybe resign with them since I am on a study leave. Yet the Lord closed the last door in the education field for me and opened a new one... one that I did not go out and search for, but just fell in my lap... one that was not even in the field I was looking at.
So now... I graduated from TIU with a Masters in Counseling Ministries (as of May 17) and am packing to move to Orlando to work with TCKs (Third Culture Kids). These children are those who are US citizens that live in another country with their family. My job will have me using my educational background, my experiences growing up as a US immigrant family in ministry, my life overseas and my newly achieved counseling skills!! When I told them that I wasn't sure at first because I wanted to be available for A, they said that my office hours could be flexible and I could also work from home during the times A is not in school. I also have to travel with this job and they said that A could come along, which is fabulous because I want A to see the world and what God is doing in different places. This is God's gift to me and to A.
As I start packing, I realized that I do not have to fit all that I want to take into 4 suitcases this time. It's weird to be able to take my bed, my couch, the things that I have been using.... I have been purging some, but it's not half as much as I have done in the past. This is very different... Makes me think of all those times we packed in the past and all that has happened in these past several years!! I've gotten really good at packing. :)
So much has happened!!
Please be praying for us. The Lord has been good and has been laying things before us so easily, but still... we need prayer as always.
1. Packing and saying good-bye could be emotional for both me and A. Please pray for this process.
2. Everything to end well... The end is just as important as the start of things.
3. Financial support as we embark this new endeavor. This is a ministry job, so will need full support.
4. Friendships and a church as we go to Orlando.
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
willow... pottery... leather...
willow trees are my favorite trees. i love that it hangs low providing shade and branches for children to swing on. i love pottery, especially the ones that are hand made and given as gifts. i love the personal touch with the intricate details of the individual. now leather... leather is interesting. i love leather jackets when others wear it and think how i would like one, but then i don't think it will look as good on me as it does on the other people. i guess there are leather belts, leather bond journals, leather shoes... if we had to think of a gift of leather...
i have always envisioned an outdoor wedding on a beautiful sunny day. i envisioned green grass surrounded in beautiful tall trees with white chairs lined up row after row for an intimate gathering. i envisioned rays of sunshine as i walked down the aisle meeting the man of my dreams on the other side. i envisioned the release of hundreds of balloons into the sky. i envisioned dancing and lots of laughter. i envisioned that kind of wedding.
instead i got a huge wedding indoors in the middle of winter with about 500 people in blue pews. my balloons were there, but it almost didn't happen if not for LM who told me that i need to do what i want to do and helped make all the balloons stay. my vision of a spring/fall/summer outdoor wedding didn't happen, but it was a great celebration of two people who came together as God has brought them and blessed the wedding with snow fall, my favorite snow!!!
so apparently on your ninth year of marriage you are supposed to give willow, pottery or for a more modern flare leather. i envision receiving a leather bond journal with a pen made out of willow wood and a hand made mug (pottery).
instead of receiving any of these this anniversary, i am in sunny florida with lots of people who love JESUS and can relate to me because we have lived similar lives. i am finding joy in the sorrow and learning to continue to trust. instead of willow i am surrounded by palm trees... instead of pottery i have cans of diet coke... instead of leather i have tissue to wipe away the tears of sorrow, thankfulness and joy that God has walked me through.
telling your story is life giving... this was said at some point during the conference so far... i realize i haven't really told my story lately let alone have i talked about how i'm really doing. i was asked to share a little of my story and be open to questions today. it was definitely life-giving. reminding me where i have been, who i am and what God created me to do.
9 years ago today, i went to the hair salon to get my hair and make-up done (fake lashes and everything). i went to church to get dressed and then waited in the nursery for P to see me for the first time... after pictures we waited to get married. there we were... my hand in my dad's, P waiting on the other side smiling, and then it started. that day i vowed to be his wife in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer til death do us part... death did us part... and we both kept our vows til death did us part.
i have always envisioned an outdoor wedding on a beautiful sunny day. i envisioned green grass surrounded in beautiful tall trees with white chairs lined up row after row for an intimate gathering. i envisioned rays of sunshine as i walked down the aisle meeting the man of my dreams on the other side. i envisioned the release of hundreds of balloons into the sky. i envisioned dancing and lots of laughter. i envisioned that kind of wedding.
instead i got a huge wedding indoors in the middle of winter with about 500 people in blue pews. my balloons were there, but it almost didn't happen if not for LM who told me that i need to do what i want to do and helped make all the balloons stay. my vision of a spring/fall/summer outdoor wedding didn't happen, but it was a great celebration of two people who came together as God has brought them and blessed the wedding with snow fall, my favorite snow!!!
so apparently on your ninth year of marriage you are supposed to give willow, pottery or for a more modern flare leather. i envision receiving a leather bond journal with a pen made out of willow wood and a hand made mug (pottery).
instead of receiving any of these this anniversary, i am in sunny florida with lots of people who love JESUS and can relate to me because we have lived similar lives. i am finding joy in the sorrow and learning to continue to trust. instead of willow i am surrounded by palm trees... instead of pottery i have cans of diet coke... instead of leather i have tissue to wipe away the tears of sorrow, thankfulness and joy that God has walked me through.
telling your story is life giving... this was said at some point during the conference so far... i realize i haven't really told my story lately let alone have i talked about how i'm really doing. i was asked to share a little of my story and be open to questions today. it was definitely life-giving. reminding me where i have been, who i am and what God created me to do.
9 years ago today, i went to the hair salon to get my hair and make-up done (fake lashes and everything). i went to church to get dressed and then waited in the nursery for P to see me for the first time... after pictures we waited to get married. there we were... my hand in my dad's, P waiting on the other side smiling, and then it started. that day i vowed to be his wife in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer til death do us part... death did us part... and we both kept our vows til death did us part.
we were a good looking couple. we had fun together, laughed a lot, loved a lot, planned a lot, gave a lot, cried a lot, left a lot... i do think it ended too short, but today i'm not so sad... would i have rather gotten the leather bond journal with a willow tree made pen and a hand made mug? yes of course. but right now i'm okay. there is an element of having lived more life without P than with P and though he was such an essential part of my life and will never ever be forgotten, i am okay. at times i find myself panicked at life's situations, but if i just take a deep breath and look back, i will see God's handprint in every nook and cranny of my life and see that He is faithful. God is good.
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