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The Aeneid is an epic poem written by the famous Roman writer Virgil (Publius Vergilius Maro. October XV, LXX BC – September XXI, XIX BC) to flatter Emperor Augustus. It was meant to provide light entertainment for an audience of learned Roman senators as they took a breather from orgies and betting on gladiatorial combats. This is of course a joke as any student of Latin can testify to.
Virgil originally wanted to write Escape from Tracy Island but was prevailed upon by Augustus to compose "a doorstep buster" of a poem to give the bird to Homer in particular and to the Greeks in general. There was also the small matter that Augustus's[3] family claimed descent from Aeneas, a Trojan prince and son of the goddess Aphrodite. Aeneas features a bit in The Iliad, largely getting his arse kicked around the battlefield by Diomedes before his mother and Apollo rescue him from death. The Greeks said Aeneas escaped when the city fell and that he had "gone west", without being any more specific. This left Virgil an epic opening: What indeed was Aeneas's[4] post‑Troy career and how to link that to his powerful patron?
A first draft was prepared and run past Augustus to check for any literals, typos and lack of grovel to a descendant of Aphrodite (a.k.a. Venus). The emperor expressed delight at Virgil's preliminary work and ordered an unlimited supply of free scrolls for Virgil and his team to "get on with it". In Augustus's mind, The Aeneid would enshrine Rome's conquest of the languid Greek speaking east and provide excellent cultural "taunt material" at exclusive dinner parties. In return Augustus asked Virgil to make Aeneas a handsome hero and the Carthaginian queen Dido a slimy seducer, in the fashion of a recently dead acquaintance of his. (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... that Hans Helmuth Saltzman's collection of Camera Obscura images is the best preserved of the Renaissance era? (Pictured)
- ... that the kingfisher does not dine exclusively on kings, but also hunts queens, emperors, princes, dukes, viceroys and any other high-ranking members of the nobility?
- ... that gender is a scam invented in 1825 to sell more bathrooms?
- ... that Obama's last name is [REDACTED]?
- ... that midget cockpunching terrorists are a threat to the US and her allies?
- ... that Robert Shaw won the Northeast Regional Dogfishing Open in 1974, the first sporting event to be broadcast on the new ESPN network?
- ... that the admins will never approve your DYK submission nor will they read these suggestions?
- ... that I just had sex, and hey do you got any napkins?
In the news
- Concurrent Kirkiversaries cause confusion (Pictured)
- Chuck Norris's ghost does massive fart, knocks Uncyclopedia offline several times
- Xbox begins rationing Game Pass to 2 hours of playtime/month, Trump launches personal Twitch stream to compensate
- Trump invents new lake to piss off Canada; even most Americans roll eyes
- Grand Republic of Cleveland renames Lake Erie the "Gulf of Cleveland" just because. We're serious!
- Social Security retires, takes the money and runs rather than deal with the inevitable
- Britain abuses Emergency Alert System to tell people not to use BBQs
- Country you've never heard of changes name, not too different from old name
- Mr. Blobby burninates the whole of Europe
Ongoing: Letterboxd outage • Argentina still refusing to accept defeat at the World Cup • Falklands War 2: Electric Boogaloo • Trump claiming victory in Iran... for, like, the 101st time or something • The Great Sheeranist Divide
Recent deaths: A LOT of celebrity deaths in August! 😭 • Rukidi IV • Harald V • Lionel Messi's FIFA career • Victor Miller • Gloria Steinem
Upcoming deaths: Bitch McTurtleface • Dr. Fauci • Low Tier God • Bruce Campbell • New Mexico • Ed Sheeran
On this day
September 21: Cola Wars Armistice Day
- 454 - Roman Emperor Valentinian III assassinates his general Aëtius after a dispute over the merits of Coke and Pepsi.
- 1780 - American Revolutionary War: Benedict Arnold gives the British the plans to West Point and the secrets to carbonation.
- 1952 - Julius and Ethel Rosenberg are executed by the Coca-Cola company after leaking their secret formula to Pepsi.
- 1986 - Colonel Sanders surrenders his forces to PepsiCo at the Battle of Kentucky.
- 2006 - Royal Crown Cola declares war on Pepsi Cola and Coca Cola, proclaiming "Death to the American Capitalist Swine!"
- 2008 - We completely forget to reference the Earth, Wind and Fire song "September" in lieu of some cola related nonsense, thereby revealing our utter lack of culture.
Picture of the day
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You know what they say, "You can't shit a shitter". But M.C. Escher will be damned if he didn't try! Image credit: KneeChee27 |
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