Sabrina Kuah｜Your Biggest Mistake.

If you have the balls, come at me. 

Who do you think you are trying to talk shit about me? You’re the one, lifelessly, typing some shit ass long comment on my blog that I did not mean for anyone to visit/read. Stalk me all you like. Hate me or love me, you’re still obsessed with me. 

If you do think you’re all that great, say what you wanna say in my face. I dare you. If you can’t even do that, I honestly think you should grow some balls. 

Now watching: The Big Bang Theory Season 3

I haven’t been blogging for a while now. I do miss writing but I haven’t been able to come up with anything whenever I try to write.

But I’ve come to a realization that when one door closes, another door opens.

I’ve been having a good time for the past few months. Meeting new people, getting closer to some. But dramas did not fall short. Oh well, life’s life.

Listening to: Gotye ft. Kimbra ‘Somebody I Used To Know’

People come and go. I’ve realized that. They might have been a very important part of your life whether for a month, half a year or even four years.

When they leave, you question yourself on whether you were good enough. You question whether you’ve done enough to make the other stay. You also question whether you’ve made the right choice to go into that particular relationship itself, whether regret was an option.

With these questions in mind, you tend to doubt yourself. Doubting yourself so much that you eventually close the door to all others that are trying to push their way into your life. You are left unable to trust anyone, whether they have proved themselves to you or not. No way to trust again. And when someone tries hard to convince you that they are true, you doubt even more. It frustrates you. It annoys you. Instead of making yourself feel good about yourself, it depresses you on what others can see what the one you wanted can’t.

You walk away, turn around and see them climbing further up the stairs but you are the only one stuck on a step with the next being far too big for you to take. In your head, you know that once you’ve taken this step, everything else in front will be easier. It will be easier to climb up, to move forward. With this metaphor, it would be safe to say that some of us choose to stay in that position, afraid or refusing to move on even though we know it would be easier for us mentally & physically.

As much as a lot of people out there refuse to admit it, but we stop ourselves from moving forward with the existence of hope. Hope of that particular someone finally realizing he/she can’t live without you. Hope of that particular someone coming back loving you unconditionally and realizing that he or she will never find someone like you. Hope of an almost non-existence love. Even if you know it is impossible.

But eventually, someday, you’ll stop hoping. When you realize there is no point.

I’m guessing at this point, you people are wondering why do I sound so sad. Lemme explain myself, I’ve got my heart broken and stomped on twice in 5 months. I may not be much but I do not like to be played around. I do not like going into something and coming out with trying. Failing without trying is the biggest failure of them all.

I’ve made up my mind that all I want to do right now is to have a great time. It’s not the normal ‘Oh hey, I want to be single.’ This is for real. I’m so tired of being rushed into something I don’t want or even have any obligation to anyone. I just want to have fun and be comfortable in my own skin. To be independent. To be a-okay on my own. I’m tired of being hurt again and again and end up with nothing.

I’m happy with my life. With a mother and an amazing bunch of friends that have shown me not only never-ending support but also love.  With studies occupying most of my time, overloaded with assignment, I have no time to think about having a boyfriend. I have a long future ahead of me to be in love, just not now.

I’m not trying to win any break up. What good will that bring me? So here I am, ready to stand strong, alone..

Everything happens for a reason, right?

Listening to: Gloria Gaynor ‘I Will Survive’

Don’t think I won’t move on.

I can get by on my own,
I’ll stand without you,
Look how I have grown.

You made me question myself if I was good enough.

You made me question the world whether I was wrong.

I may have overracted about a particular something, but please forgive me. I sincerely apologize for my mistake.

But now, I’m just going to stop waiting around and just move on.

I have my own life to live. My own path to explore.

I have now learnt that nothing you do is ever my business anymore. You are you and I am me.

Nothing matters anymore.

Friends, if you will, we will be.

Anyways…

I wish you never ending happiness. ❤

You lost the love I loved the most

And now you want me one more time

Who do you think you are?
Runnin’ ’round leaving scars

Don’t come back for me
Don’t come back at all

This is all we will ever be.

We may not have lasted very long, but it meant something. At least to me.

My heart breaks into pieces.

I’m so tired.

I’m just so heartbroken.

Just want to go somewhere far away and drop everything that is here and now.

Just for the moment.

I need a breather.

I need fresh air.

‘Cause I’m suffocating, I’m barely able to breathe.

I’m scared…

Feeling shitty as hell. Can barely concentrate on whatever I’m doing. All I can do right now to keep myself going is to keep playing upbeat songs on my awesome possum sound system.

Head pounding with a report due tomorrow.

Oh someone slap some sense into me. I need help.

I’ll admit it that I do miss you.

Oh hi! Just a quick post before catching a movie.

Trust is when you don’t care what he  does because you know at the end of the day he’s yours and you’re his.

Trust is when you were not given a reason to doubt.

Trust is when you know you have a friend no matter what happens.

Trust is when you know you can tell that particular someone or anyone in particular anything and know you won’t be judged.

Trust is undeniably essential to any relationship whether with family, friends or a loved one.

With trust, you know that if something goes wrong, you know that someone will be there to let you know and to catch you. 

Trust is also when you know when he or she holds out a hand to help you up, you give him or her your hand.

Trust is earned/gained. Once lost, what will you ever do to gain it back again?

Just a short post on what’s on my mind and having time to spare.

Have a good day. 🙂

Neglected this space for the longest time and have yet to gain my mojo back to write. I haven’t been free lately as well with Nick constantly by my side, there isn’t any time for me to sit down and think.

Just started my semester after 3-4 months of holidays, brain feels a little rusty. Determined to do well though, I want to do well enough to get 1st honours as well as to study abroad for my last year of my degree. Just working towards that goal, a better education and a better goal. Nothing else is going to blind me of that. Not my illness, not Nick and definitely not unnecessary drama.

Imma run off now ’cause I need to travel to Balakong to see the boyfriend for lunch so Imma come back soon for a longer update.

Goodbye and have a wonderful ahead.