Today was the first time i walked away from something harmful someone, no, more like a friend asked me to do. It felt good. I felt like crying but it felt good. Like I am doing me some justice. Like i had control of myself for once. Like i could finally decide. Boy, did ot feel good.

The more I do this, the more I feel like i'm falling for you.
You keep me wanting more.

It's like we're drifting apart.
Even before we start

What a reminder.
Age is catching up on us all.
'fun' does not mean the same anymore.
Soon enough we'll all just be boring people.
Boring old people.
People whose youths were stolen from them.
Don't know if should laugh or cry.

MJ READ THE BOOK. YAAY! :3

I don't know what my heart is now.

I never felt this much ever since MJ.

It has never been so willing to let someone take my breath away.

Then it suddenly tells me to play it safe.

That it's just fine to be like this.

That i should just stick with the comfort.

Maybe I just lack faith.

I'm surprisingly getting better at this

I think i can do this without any sort of help this time.

Funny how i am indifferent to even my own emotions.

It's like i keep seeking fake joy.

What is truly selfish?

I need to write.

This is messing around with my head too much.

You shall be my safe output.

My confidante.

No one comes here anymore, don't they?

I hope so.

To the big man up there. I know i'm not your biggest devotee out there, but please bear with me for a while. I know you prolly would turn a deaf ear on me but i'll give it a shot anyway. Mom and dad are going over for haj on sunday. I just hope that you would keep them safe and ensure they get a good one. And i hope they get to have a good time to. I'm sure they deserve this one mOnth break from whatever they are doing here and devote themselves to you. It's what they love to do! And i know i've not been the best son to have and i don't know how i can help them really cos as much as i try to control myself i'm sure i will get damn messed up. It's an issue even i have with myself. So i'm guessing the least i could do is to ask for your help. Please please keep them safe. I love them too much, especially mom. Please.

P.s. Please watch over MJ too. I'm too heartbroken to forget about her completely. Damned soft spots.

Maybe i'm too afraid to let anyone take my breath away.