jazzfang

I have reached a whole new level of tired. All I want to do with my free time is sleep, or just laze in front of the tv. But I can't.. because i have shitloads of work, and deadlines :S

It's fun, writing and all. But it's so tiring!!! I know i should give up one, but I can't..because of obligations.
I feel a little trapped, like every aspect of my life right now is dedicated to work, work, work. I eat, sleep and breathe work.
I just want to curl up and sleep for 12 hours a day, then spend the next 12 watching Gossip Girl or something. sighhhs.

But hopefully it's worth it :) 
I've decided to build up my savings and not spend so much on clothes. :p Hopefully I can get a car next year.. HOPEFULLY. But i doubt I can. haha.

But all this work has got me itching for something more.
Hopefully my future has something awesome waiting for me.

OH.. my new blogthingamajig: HERE (as if you didn't see that coming ;P ) There's only one pathetic post. But I promise, when i'm done with all this WORK, i'll start putting something worthwhile there.
You can leave a comment, or email me or something if you want me to link your blog there.. which i'll have to figure out soon. SOON.

Awesome new idea i just got (with thanks to the mummy).

Since i have a blogspot blog set up, floating around, doing nothing, i'm going to turn it into SOMETHING.

It'll be a compilation of short stories from yours truly :D It'll be shitloads embarrassing, but why not, kan? Since my graphic art abilities suck, i was thinking about doing the illustrations by hand, and then scanning it.. but i think i might be lazy to do that.

Anyways, stories shall be inspired by those crazy dreams I'm always getting :D 
Maybe i'll post up other stories, poems or lyrics that i like..

I actually wanted to turn that blog into like, a personal one, with more pictures and stuff.. but now that I think of it.. malas lah. I practically write everything here.. not everything also, most of it is just venting. I don't even LIKE to write about my day-to-day life.. and i don't take much pictures to begin with, so.. yeah. STORIES :) 

It'll be a new project!!! Something i can develop after i finish working this year away :) wee!!!

NEW NEWS btw..

I'm apparently very healthy. I have a bad tummy, but the rest of me is pretty much A-OK :D 
was forced to take a blood and urine test, and an ultrasound :S because of the bad tummy (it's GASTRITIS.. or however u spell it).. but yeah.. turns out i'm healthy, though my blood pressure is a little low, and my cholesterol is a little high.

BUT NEW BLOG PROJECT THINGY. It's keeping me aliiiiiiive :)

Y'know, up till today, i never really fully read any of Radiohead's lyrics.

I've been listening to their stuff quite a bit for the past few months and i think it's safe to say i've fallen deeply in love with their music.
It's funny though, to think that i've never actually gone and READ their lyrics - yet.

See.. last time, when i newly fell in love with Incubus, every time a new album came out/ i discovered an old album, i'd dig for lyrics, just cos i love their music so much.. and i would search for tabs and stuff.

So, now that i've come to admire what an incredible band Radiohead is, i decided to look up their tabs.. y'know.. cos i haven't learnt anything new since.. 5 years ago? :p
anyway.. "Karma Police" was one of the reasons why i decided to keep on listening to them - as in, search for their older albums and such. Well, i just found the tabs for it.. and discovered their lyrics are so friggin' random!!!! 

I mean.. i'm sure it means something, but i couldn't help but laugh when i discovered that it was this:

" Karma police, 
arrest this man,
he talks in maths,
he buzzes like a fridge,
he's like a detuned radio.

Karma Police,
arrest this girl,
her hitler hairdo,
is making me feel ill,
and we have crashed her party. "

HAHAHA i mean, up till today, i never knew it was .. "arrest this man, he talks in maths" and "arrest this girl, her hitler hairdo.." i'm sorry, it's just so funny i have to laugh.
i think this just made my day :)

Radiohead I love you! 

ps. another thing. They are geniuses.. cos a whole bunch of their songs are just plain simple ol' chords turned into masterpiece tunes that are so awesome, so haunting, so fantastic.. though, now i think it's safe to say most of the lyrics are as random as this.. but whatever. Fantabulous. :)

I was so hyped up about taking a trip to Australia with some of my closest friends!

It was PERFECT - a week or two of holidaying in SYDNEY - which Janey says is BEAUTIFUL and i totally agree though i've never even been near that region of the globe. The best part is being able to BE all jakun and everything there, on foreign soil, with three fun, amazing buddies!

In a flash, when we came up with the idea, i had all these "fantasies" of being all touristy when we went there, y'know, with my old big camera and sunglasses and hat, and just being REALLY excited for the entire trip.

I'd finally get to see those spectacular beaches everybody else has seen; i'd finally be able to see a real-life koala bear which every one else has fed leaves; I'd FINALLY get to eat BEEF PIES; I'd FINALLY go to AUSTRALIA; i'd finally be one of those people who have GONE to australia!!!!

Do you get my excitement? All it takes is about max RM3000 for a verrrrrry comfortable trip. AND I CAN MAKE THAT MONEY AND SAVE IT. I've never been anywhere else besides Singapore (which is borderline snoozy like Malaysia - 'cept that it's clean and has a lot of nice cars around)
The idea of spending even just a WEEK in SYDNEY is so exhilarating. YOU. HAVE. NO. IDEA. HOW. HAPPY. I. AM. WAS.

Well, to burst my bubble - i checked the air fare today, hoping it would be below rm2000 at the most.
I was extremely happy to see that the departure tix from KLIA via MAS is RM527 for now. Return ticket? RM1356. And that comes to RM2944 including tax and everything.
That's RM2000 + RM944 extra T.T HOW TO AFFORD LIKE THIS. Paying nearly 3000 on air fare is a little too much -.-. Yeah, it takes about a couple of months to make that money - but y'know.. 3,000 could be great for future use, should i want to buy a house or a car.
OK it's Rm1000 more than previously expected, which i might not mind sacrificing..
But i AM worried about the ling ling and the chin chin. :( sighs.

Altogether .. it would take RM4000 for a comfortable trip. Yes, i know it could be loads cheaper if we budget like hell. But PLEASE LAH.. it'll be my FIRST TIME in Aussieland. I WILL GO SHOPPING, and I WILL BUY CANDY - AND LOTS OF IT, and i don't care - i'm a tourist and I WILL VISIT TOURIST PLACES.

But 4,000 is A LOT. sighs.
And during these unstable economic times, and for a stable future (i do plan to invest my money someday), i want to start saving NOW, while i still can. I want to be one of those young people who are like, RICH.
fine, money is not a good thing to pursue for life. But It can give me a better life (a.k.a. nice car and conveniently-located home) and it can provide me a secure future.

BUT, if the ling2 and chin2 can definitely make the trip, I'm still DEFINITELY all for it. I really, really want to go. And seeing how this might be the last time we get to actually have a trip together (AUSSIE summore! DAMN POWER) it would be well worth it. :D
I so want to go, i really do.

You people who get to go overseas often for holiday/ to study.. you guys are so damn lucky. I know i always say this.. but it IS true. Because back home in M'sia, there are people like ME - who only get to go to cameron highlands =.=, whose heart is set on seeing the world some day - stuck here with a passport that's collecting dust somewhere after only being used once in.. Singapore. -.- (it's as exciting as visiting mid valley. but with nicer cars and kiasu-er people).

I'M TWO PEOPLEand RM4000+ AWAY FROM MY FIRST TRIP TO AUSSIELAND :D (no pressure k guys :p)

Hard work pays off, after all. at least for now :)

In college, i get NOTHING for working hard - except some alphabet that determines my CGPA.

But in the "working world".. Praise and acknowlegement takes on a whole new level - and is something more meaningful than what you get in college. 

Basically, in college, i felt that my writing was hopeless. I mean like, there were people in my class who were AMAZING writers.. like, they have such a strong command of language, PLUS they are learned and smart, PLUS their writing is interesting and they have such creative ideas I wouldn't think of. And with the lecturers we have there -.- .. getting a single bit of praise (if you're not one of those students who like.. talk alot to them ..) is almost impossible. We have lecturers like mr. e-media and mr. print media - who SERIOUSLY made me feel discouraged to continue pursuing journalism.
But some of these amazing writers in college are some of my closest friends :) and i really do think and feel they have talent.

I've never felt like my writing was good in any way. I just love to write what i'm thinking, or about issues i feel really strongly about, or even just nonsense. I just like writing, in short. But i never ever think that my writing is truly good. But that's just me - i don't particularly think that i'm outstanding in any way - academics, creativity, music, social skills, looks, everything.. I know people who are just likeable; people who are so good-looking, without even trying; people who can make friends easily; people who other people just like to follow; and people who are naturally talented.. and so many more. And though I'm pretty ok being this way, it makes me feel so ordinary.. so normal.

Me? Yeah, i play guitar - like an old woman with arthritis. Yeah, i draw - like a child. Yeah, i've done a few ads - which are all pretty lame, and nothing to shout about. Yeahhh I write - but i'm not particularly smart, academically.

But now.. to hear praise from someone who is PAYING me to write. It really means something, something REALLY meaningful that is pushing me forward in life, and keeping my head above my silent troubles. I mean, there are a bunch of people who are actually impressed with MY writing :) You have no idea how happy that makes me feel. I feel like i've accomplished SOMETHING. I feel like for once, something i do is actually appreciated. I'm not saying i'm GOOD at it - seriously i crap a lot when i'm writing, and i can get extremely lazy. But.. woah :D THIS is my career. THIS is what i'm doing now - and i'm pretty darn happy doing it.

I've been so happy about that for the past few days, that today, i decided to treat myself to a brand new stereo :p
I was cleaning up my room, and decided to dust the curtains and all, when i had NO music -.- cos i was lazy to plug in the cacat ipod speakers. 
I tried for a whole half hour to try to make that old cd player work.. but tak jadi. I was like, SERIOUSLY sad ok.. and not to mention frustrated.
Then after a few hours of cleaning and playing with Caviar, mums came in the room to help me with the cd player.
Thats when i realised like.. DAYUMM, i can BUY a new one!
It's pretty affordable anyway, for a simple good one :) so why not, kan?? :p SO, we went to harvey norman, and i bought this FRIGGIN AWESOME philips stereo - can hang on the wall one.. but i didn't hang it on the wall lah.. so ma fan. But the cd player can like SLIDE OPEN. How COOL is that wehhhh..
Ok, probably millions of people have stereos like this, or probably even more canggih, theirs probably can walk around with them and fly, and save the world. But at least mine.. has like, A CONTROLLER :D so y'know.. it's good enough for me!!! 
SO HAPPY OK. SERIOUSLY.

Anyway, i'm just really happy about a lot of stuff now. I was like jumping all over the house just now because my new stereo could like.. SET THE TIME. hahahhahaa. damn jakun lah, i know.. but.. IT'S MY STEREO. MINE. ALL MINE. :D

Work today was slooooooooow.. internet was all pissy and stuff, and there were a lot of things to do.

But.. i felt all glowy and happy when i came home, mum n pops and monsk were there, and everyone was in a good mood and everything :) especially the papa, who has been in an extraordinarily good mood for the past week - which is nice lah. And mum made hamburgers and fries for us :) so nice.

I love it when everyone's all happy clappy at home, instead of nagging each other all the time. it really makes coming home a true joy.

Not only that, the lady person said she LOVES my articles. SHE LOVES MY ARTICLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D MY WRITING.
Now i really have the passion to pursue journalism :D I really feel like this is something i can do! 

positive reinforcement is always, always good. (i will keep this in mind for the future) you never know when you compliment someone, that can really make a turn in their lives, even if it's just the slightest bit of recognition or praise. really!

Taking on a second job starting mondayyy!! 

this time, i will SAVE up my monnies, hopefully work till next year, and keeep working part time - which would earn me enough to get MY OWN CAR throughout university!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D hohohhohooo...

i can't wait. I feel like such a workaholic. but whatever. It makes me feel so accomplished :D 
I even have my own business card :D hahahahahaha.

I am officially a "writer"!!! woo!

I want to write a book!!!

Not like.. in the far future. I want to write one.. like.. NOW.

You know why? 
Because I have the perfect story to tell. Except that my self-esteem is so low, i would want to get it published under a pen name, just to save myself some face.

Anyway.. yeah. My new goal is to write a fictional book.
Target audience shall be youths and teens i suppose.
and and.. it'll have everything! it'll have issues.. real-life issues, sociological issues.. um.. relationship issues.. and probably love, and hate.. and sarcasm.. and comedy. 

My only problem is: where do i start? and how the hell does one write a book and get it published? I'd have to have money kan.. 

But just the idea of having written a BOOK.. gosh that would be so accomplishing. It would really be something. Not only that - i could test myself. see how far i can go without stopping, or abandoning it. And if i succeed.. well, I would be SOMETHING. Not just a "writer" writing for a website. I would BE a WRITER. as in. I WRITE. like.. PRINTED stuff that people actually read! 
And I'm not even thinking about money!!!

I'm like.. itching to start writing a plot already. It keeps coming up in my head. Goshhhhh i really want to do this. and i will! eventually.
Just have to make myself do it, and hope and pray nobody I know will read it (before [should it be successfully written] it gets published lah)..

SO.. that shall be it for now lah.
wish me luck.

Evidently, the world is a horrible place to live in.

Let's face it - life is unfair. Shit happens. But worse shit would happen.

But, what's the point living in sorrow and denial? We've got a long life ahead of us, so the only thing we can do is just be positive about it. At least if we deal with the shit, and just be positive.. and even if we get shot down.. at least we got something out of life.

right?

Positive we shall be. :)

Radiohead is so awesome lahhh.

I love their music so so much, i could marry them (not that i'd leave my beloved Incubus).

<3 i feel like flying away.