17. I Spy With My Little Eye... A Flaw...

It was just another evening where I have just finished my dinner and I was just lazing around in the living room. My 4 year old cousin was watching television, and at one instance she flipped over to Playhouse Disney. Bored, I decided to see what's on screen at that time.

The scenario was a wicked spider trying to tempt 3 flies into coming into her web (well, in real life it's just a means of going up the food chain, and the spider is then deemed innocent, but let's just assume that the spider is the bad character here.) For easy reference, there were 2 girl flies (coz they were acted by girls in costumes) and a boy fly.

The scene went like this (as far as I can accurately remember it):

Spider: (Turns on seduction tone) Hey there my pretties, why don't you come over and join me at my web?

Girl Fly 1: Don't get too close to the web, you'll get trapped.

Spider: Oh, but I have lots of sweeties! I made sticky cookies, and sticky cake and (takes a huge whiff) Mmm! Mmm! Mmm! (With emphasis) Sticky Pie!

Boy Fly: Ooo, that sounds great! Maybe I'll just have a little bit o..

Girl Fly 2: No! Don't go! She's trying to trick you!

Spider: Oh but am I? Take a look at this sticky pie. Doesn't it look absolutely delicious?

Boy Fly: Oh all right, I'll have some sticky pie then. (Flies towards the spider)

Girl Flies: Hey stop! (Follows the boy fly in an attempt to stop him)


But...it was too late.


Spider: (Cackling) Muahahaha, I've got you my little pretties! I shall eat you all later. Be right back!

Narrator: Uh oh! Looks like the flies are in a sticky situation! If they are to get out of the spider's web, they need to come up with a plan

Girl Fly 1: We need to come up with a plan (Repeating the obvious, thank you). Do you guys have any ideas?

Girl Fly 2: Hm...the spider web is sticky right? Perhaps...we need something stickier. But what do we have that is very sticky?

Boy fly: Maybe...we can use these pieces of marshmallows. They are kinda sticky. It might just work.

Girl fly 1: It's worth a shot. Go for it.


Boy fly: Oh Spiderrrrrrrr!!!!! I have a surprise for you!!!

Spider: Oooooh, I LOVE surprises! What is it?

Boy fly: It's a marshmallow! Here, try it!

Spider: (Takes and consumes it) Mmm... it's so tasty... and sweet... and so sticky... and... and... (begins to struggle) Nooooo!! I'm stuck!

Girl fly 1: It worked! We did it! Now let’s get out of here!

The story concluded by the flies being free. After that skit, they took off their costumes and proceeded with some singing.

I picked on what I had just seen a few minutes ago, and came up with some arguments about the logic regarding that skit.

1. Spider webs should be sticker than marshmallows.

Imagine that if you put a fly on top of a damp marshmallow (reason being a dry marshmallow isn’t sticky). The fly should be able to fly off, but if you put a fly on a spider web, it should be trapped, if not the spider web is useless, and the spider would die of hunger.

2. How did the flies manage to keep the marshmallows?

I’m not a fly specialist, but I do know that most flies aren’t pollinators, and they don’t have specialized pockets (also known as Scopa) to carry pollen around. And if the flies are pollinators, they wouldn’t be in contact with marshmallows. Okay, so I’ll give the benefit of doubt that some humans decide to have some marshmallows and accidentally dropped some or left some behind, and the scent managed to attract the flies. Even so, it’s not like the flies are able to keep marshmallows on themselves. I mean, they are not Doraemon, are they?

3. If the marshmallow is indeed sticky, how did the fly manage to pass it to the spider anyway?

Now this is indeed interesting. The marshmallows cannot be pollen sized (if not the spider can’t eat it), and it should be of certain stickiness in order to stick to the fly. And it’s not like that marshmallows are chewing gum that the spider should be ‘stuck’ anyway.

4. How did the flies manage to fly free after the spider consumed the marshmallow?

I’ve never heard of a magical marshmallow, nor have I heard (or logically reasoned) that a fly should be able to escape a spider web after being stuck on it (and with ease too!). Unless the spider web’s stickiness is fortified by enchantments or spells, and the marshmallow somehow weakened the state of the spider that the enchantments should somehow fail. But then again, I’ve never heard of flies carrying marshmallows, and spiders making sticky goodies for flies to eat…

I think I reason too much…but it is fun and humourous too to come up with such randomness at times…

16. Dreams (30/04/07)

Dreams, a unique world for each individual.

A place where a man can be a totally different person,

Or posses different abilities or talents.

A place where the blind can see, where the lame can walk.

Sometimes you have superhuman abilities,

Sometimes you could play the piano like never before,

Or even, possessing your greatest goals,

Which may seem so far away.

Ever wonder if dreams and reality are two separate worlds?

Though we are bound by circumstances,

The mind has infinite potential.

Hope, purpose, and determination are found,

And the impossible becomes possible.

There will be a way for you,

If you trust, believe, and find.

15. ZOMG, Can It Be? An Update!!!

The first one who reads this post and tags my chatterbox will gain extra COOL points with me because you’ve been faithfully browsing my blog (or so I think, you may be lucky). For those successive ones after the first, well, I’ll still regard you as cool :)

So, almost about half a year of hibernation, finally I decided to write something. Why? I don’t really know. The feeling of just updating something just came to me, and I can’t shake it off even though I try to procrastinate and hope that it’ll fade away. So here I am, writing away…

After staying one year in Australia, I’ve come to conclude of its pros and cons. One thing I love about Australia is that the people there are so friendly. From the day I arrived at Australia, I felt the significant change in people-to-people interaction in Australia. Everywhere you go, say for example a store or shop, the people will always greet you with a warm welcome, and they are so much more friendly and polite compared to Malaysia, and you can’t just help but be friendly as well. Besides that, the weather conditions in Melbourne are so much nicer in the sense that it’s cooling, albeit a bit dry. When it rains in Melbourne and if you don’t have an umbrella, usually you can just walk in the rain because the rain droplets are so tiny compared to huge droplets here in Malaysia. Foodwise, the portions served in Australia can be comparable to American-sized meal, maybe a little smaller. That is to the guys-who-can-eat-a-lot-and-not-gain-weight benefit. A lot of people commented that I’ve become thinner, but I shall set this straight: I have been eating a considerable amount, probably skipped the occasional breakfast because I’m too lazy to get up so early in the morning, but that can be compensated with the midnight snacking of biscuits, instant noodles, and chocolates.

So therefore, me = high metabolism = good for me = *evil laugh*

While we’re on the subject of food, I must say that I miss all the different varieties of food that I love and cost a lot less compared to Australia. In Australia, the taste of Malaysian food is hard to find in Melbourne, and even so the food does not really compare to back home. I also miss my home-cooked food, because my mum and my maid can cook awesome dishes. I missed mamak, Japanese food buffet, Chinese food, western food, etc. Ever since I came back, I’ve indulged in a lot of my craved dishes. Secondly, Malaysia is the place where I meet up with my friends from church, school, college, etc. During the holidays, people come back home and this is the place where we meet up and catch up on what’s going on. I still have yet to see a few friends… Other than that, it’s nice to see family again, both old and young which radiate joy and love in their own special way.

A quick update on what I did since I came back to Malaysia:

- Met up with a few friends, particularly Yang and Ter with expeditions to Murni and Williams

- Went to get new glasses since mine was battered out of shape by basketballs

- Indulged in lots and lots of food

- Helped out in Form 3 Sunday School Retreat

- MYF Christmas Party

- WoW and DotA a lot more (since I have unlimited broadband now)

- Youth Quake IV

That’s about a summary about myself so far. Any further details or prying into my life can be included in conversations when we meet up, if not cannot lah want to talk to me but stone there only because trying to figure out what to talk about…

14. Holiday Update!

Well, this post is long overdue, and I think that an update is imminent since my last post was about 2 months ago? It’s just that I’ve not really sat down and thought about something to write, or nothing really worth jotting down happens. Anyway, here’s a vague summary on what happened on my three weeks of holidays, which can be described overall as unproductive :P

Week 1:

Moved out of IH and into my dad's friend's (which shall now be referred to as "host") place in Nunawading, which is some suburb approximately 40 minutes from the city via train. I had to use the huge luggage bag to store 1 week's worth of clothing and one quilt. Besides that, I also had to lug to my laptop there and a backpack full of stuff too. Spend the whole week finishing up Season 1 of House, and my host's son decided to share with me the TV series "Angel" from Season 2-5 (one season is about 22 episodes which are about 40-43 minutes long respectively.) Didn't DotA because my program was screwed up for some reason.

On the weekend my church friends organised an outing to Marysville as a fun retreat during the holidays. We took a 2 hour drive there and lodged in a...lodge? 20 of us were there and we had a chance to create our own live fire in the fireplace. Our retreat was 2 days long, due to the fact that we arrived on Saturday and had to be back in church on Sunday afternoon. On the first day it was raining mildly, so we went to visit the Sculpture Garden in Marysville village. This sculpture garden is owned by some guy named Bruno who used to travel around the world to find inspiration for his paintings. Over time, he decided to settle down in Marysville and created this sculpture garden. He has a wife and I think 3 daughters, and all of them are extremely proficient in art. Must be in the family genes. He also has a documentary filmed that tells the tale of his journey around the world searching for ideas to draw them out on canvas, and also sculptures which he created. After admiring his works in the display room, we headed outside towards the sculpture garden. The amazing thing about the outdoor sculpture garden is that each of the sculptures are crafted out by using natural resources , e.g. rocks, tree barks or slabs of stone. The detail and beauty of each of the sculptures really makes you stop and just take in the dexterity of the sculptor. For a glimpse of his art, you can visit the website. At night it was still drizzling moderately, and our plans to visit Steavenson's Falls had to be put off. Sigh, and it looks so good in the picture too...

On Sunday we decided to head up to Lake Mountain to play some snow before we head back to the city. Sadly, when we got to the toll halfway to the ski resort, the sign said that there was no snowfall at all on that day or the days before. When we got up there we only saw a small patch of man-made snow, but we made good use of what there was. One thing I learnt: Never handle snow with your bare hands over a long period of time unless you have really thick skin or you're cold-blooded. Wear thick gloves before planning on engaging in some snowball fight. Also, snowballs don't seem as soft as they are (or at least those made from artificial snow). It's like grabbing the ice crystals of ice-kacang, making it into a ball and throwing at someone. It hurts like an actual rock hitting you, only more fragile. The group decided to head up to the ski trails and enjoy the scenery since we had time to kill before church. Took some pictures, and on the way back to the carpark we stumbled upon a huge chunk of snow about 50cm in diameter. A few of the guys attempted to carry it but as I mentioned earlier, frostbite is an issue. Kicking it along the trail only made the chunk more fragmented. We almost got it to the carpark though. One thing I disliked is that their bathrooms aren't equipped with warm water. When your hands are frozen and you want to warm them up with warm water, or even washing after visiting the loo, we came out with hands that are somewhat dipped in ice-cold water. Not a very great feeling. It's a wonder my blood didn't freeze over and caused a heart attack or something. So week 1 ends here.

Week 2:

Friends from Malaysia came over, from Malaysia, Canberra and Adelaide. Spent the whole week bunking with them, and really had a great time. LeeKuan , XinYi and Phoebe had arrived earlier, and the MC dudes from Malaysia arrived later. Since Melbourne's pretty boring if you don't have a car to go around visiting, we didn't really do much. The main events of this week shall be categorized accordingly for easier viewing:'

Food. The main thing that brings us Malaysians talking. We have yum cha, mamak, B.Y.O.s(bring your own or pot luck), and all sorts back there in Malaysia, and we're not going to hide it in Australia. Heck, it's part of our culture. Even on the first day of the MCians arrival, after having a huge helping of beef noodles, Minghong asked, "Eh, so what's for dinner?". Anyway, for the whole week, we had several different kinds of cuisines; Dim Sum, Korean, Vietnamese, Greek, Japanese (well, me and Justin had a few sushi rolls), and maybe some that I missed out. Other than the main courses, we had gelati(I'm sure everyone agrees that this pwns, even though it's winter), chocolate from Max Brenner, goodies like Tim Tams, Doritos and Shapes accompanied with dips just to name a few. On our last day, Sam Lim's parents even invited us for dinner. Despite eating extreme helpings over the past week, we didn't seem to have even gained weight. Well, me and Justin decided to weigh ourselves on the scale out of curiosity anyway. Ah, it's good to have such a trait - to eat as much as you like and still maintain your weight even without much physical activity. Even though beer was more commonly available in Australia, we didn't get to see Minghong drunk :). Perhaps another time...

St. Kilda's Beach. We had no plans for the afternoon, so we decided to tram our way down to St. Kilda's Beach for a little stroll. The main thing we did here was to goof around and take pictures of the beach. The beach was also the ideal place for the guys to pose around like boybands. 5 of us made up the BSB group; Me, Ter, Yewhorng, Minghong and Justin. Xin and Phoebe were the camera crew, and there were plans to drag Tat Wei into becoming our manager (since he wasn't there with us) and also launch an album since we have the album art settled in St.Kilda's. Sigh, the things that they come up with. Much has really changed since I last met them...or has it?


Great Ocean Road. We spent 72 bucks on a whole day tour of the Great Ocean Road, which is this 400km scenic route along the southern coastline of Victoria. The trip along the road started with a magnificent view of the beach, with large waves crashing at the beach. Occasionally over the distance we could see surfers attempting to ride the waves. They must be really fit to be surfing in the freezing water during winter. We also passed by a koala inhabited area and we tried to spot the furry koalas sleeping on tree branches. After a few hours of coastline, we reached Apollo Bay where we had our lunch for an hour before heading out to the 12 Apostles. Nope, this isn't some bibical thing, it's just a name given to some rock formations. Here's a brief description off the net:

"Glorious at dusk and dawn these giant rock stacks are a central feature of the spectacular Port Campbell National Park. The forces of nature gradually eroded the softer limestone, forming caves in the cliffs which became arches and when they collapsed, rock islands as high as 45 metres were left isolated from the shore."

One of the last stops of the visit is the Loch Arc, where a shipwreck happened and a guy and a girl were the only survivors of the tragedy. The girl, who couldn't swim, tried to stay afloat the mighty waves. The guy had to drag her to safety after an hour long battle against the waters. So, want to guess what happens next? Girl falls in love with guy after saving her life, got married and lived happily ever after. Well, not all instances are fairy tales. The guy and girl never kept in touch after the incident. The girl went back to Ireland and got married there and I don't know what happened to the guy.

Well, the trip ended with us guys a bit drowsy even though we spent virtually 90% of the time on the bus trying to get a few winks because we stayed up previously for some World Cup game. Minghong should have a few bad bruises on the head because he kept knocking his head on the plastic-thingy where the belt comes from for the next seat. I sat there at the beginning of the trip and it was really painful. Imagine Minghong getting bonked on the noggin for the rest of the trip. Ouch...Arrived back at the city at about 8.30 at night, and just chilled out in the apartment.


Battle Shits. Justin, Minghong and Yewhorng's favourite game. The idea originated from Harold and Kumar, if I can recall, where the 2 girls played this game in the toilet. The rules of the game are not known to me. You have to ask the masters of the game to explain the specifics. All I know it that the solid excretions are the ammunition, and the fruits are to prevent the 'gun' from jamming. Sounds grouse, because it is. Everyday without fail, a battle will take place, whether it's single player or a duel to the death :P


Random Side Events. Some of the small events that aren't as big, but still makes the MC experience a memorable one:

- MingHong has been nicknamed Johnny in the Gelati shop because he didn't know who John Howard was (he thought he was a football player)

- Yewhorng has been reeled in to the mystical powers of Ebichuman! (E-B-I-C-H-UUU!!! EBICHUMAN!)

- The character 'Hard Gay' has been added to our minds, so don't freak out if some of us suddenly calls out "Hard Gay! Woooooo!!!!!"

- A certain phone call I made to a church friend to borrow a cable to connect Justin's camera to my laptop sounded in such a way that I've been misinterpreted by the guys. Very funny... To add on that, Justin's camera is simply weird: has a different size port for the cable and different memory card. We had to make use of Xin's camera.

- Knob-turning is still evident in the MC-guys circle. On top of that, there's also whammy and double whammy, and if possible triple whammy?


So that concludes week 2! I don't have all the pictures with me yet, so...

Week 3:

About the same as week 1: eat, sleep, finish up Angel, and get ready to get back to uni. Was supposed to work on my Human Behavior assignment, but oh well... It's holidays anyway.

Post Holiday Week:

Had a hard time trying to get back to uni mood, which means get up early and go for lectures. After the first semester, I've decided that I should faithfully attend lectures :P, and study harder because almost everything is going to be new, and cramming 13 weeks of lectures and extra stuff in one day is impossible. Can't afford to slack that much now. But it's the first week anyway, and so the lazy mood begins...

13. Simplicity vs Complexity

Exams are around the corner, assignments and tutorials due before the semester ends, and so many other factors that make life difficult. Sometimes, it seems that there is no end to it all, and all you can think of is whether you would live to see the dawn of the next day. As we grow older, more responsibilities and expectations are bombarded at our direction, and to top it off with a ‘cherry’, the bar is raised even higher for us. We live in a competitive society which revolves around achievements, and hoping to leave a legacy that would not stamp any regrets in your life as you lie on your deathbed. Sometimes I wonder if life could just be more merciful. Maybe if life would be simpler, or if I could just be something else, like a bird for example. Free from the worries of the world, all it needs to do is probably wake up, fly, find food, fly, do bird stuff, and sleep. Pretty simple, I thought initially. As I pondered about the idea that if I was brought into this world as a less complex organism (I shall use a bird as my example) instead of a human, some interesting thoughts and scenarios came up.

Well, to start it off, a bird’s life is relatively simple. All it needs to worry about is to find food and probably a mate during mating season, and maybe watch out for predators 24/7. It has the whole day to just fly around, chill out in its favourite branch, and explore the area without the hassle of traffic jams and the slow speed of walking. Occasionally for fun it can pretend to be a bomber airplane and release its load on a passerby down below. No worries about studies, career, personal possessions, etc. Typical simplicity compared to the life of a human. Then I looked at the downside of being a bird. For food, its staple diet revolves around worms, bugs, grain either tossed by the kind elderly in the park, or some bread crumbs or potato chips that it might just find outside McDonalds or Burger King (Hungry Jacks in Aus). Those fast foods and grain may taste decent, but I doubt that bugs and worms are a delight to the taste buds. The life span of birds on average would probably be a few years old, depending on the species. Pretty short time to explore such a vast world. Then there’s also the case of health issues. One case of bird flu and the whole population of birds in a country, if not the whole world becomes doomed. With such low intelligence, I doubt that birds can come up with a medication, or even create a group of specialists to eradicate the virus strain. Its best form of survival is just to wait it up and hopefully due to evolution and gene mutation a gene that provides immunity will be produced, but then again the mutation can also happen to the virus strain. Then what about the lifestyle of a bird? Sure, it’s pretty simple, but what’s it supposed to do every day? Sit around and just watch humans and other animals live their life? What about entertainment? I can’t imagine a flock of birds perched on a big tree talking about life. It’s like “Yo, what’s up man? How’s life?” “Well, I just flew around out of town for a few days, you know, to explore. And you?” “Oh, I just got my feathers groomed. Don’t they look beautiful?” or birds telling lame jokes. One bird chirps, and after the joke has been told, you hear a mass of chirps. Well, they could go ‘kap lui’ or ‘see girls’. Here’s a lame conversation that evolved in my mind as I thought of it:

Bird 1: “Hey, let’s fly over to Princes Park and try to pick up some chicks. I heard from Birdie that they look pretty hot!”

Bird 2: “You pedophile!”

Life as a human can be pretty complex at times, yet there are the fine things we can enjoy that other animals cannot. We have so many styles of preparing food. Coupled with the spices and flavorings available at our disposal, and the advanced cooking equipment, we can practically give our taste buds an orgasm. Since we’re on top of the food chain, we have a vast array of vegetation and meat to satisfy ourselves. Having a conscious mind and able to think rationally and analytically separates us from other animals. We are able to pave our own future by pursuing what we feel passionate about. Having such brainpower and IQ, we can delve into the mysteries of this world, whether it is related to arts or science. The universe has been pieced together in such a way that it’s complexity cannot be fathomed, and even now what we know about the universe is just a glimpse of how much more we still do not understand. How the geographical landscape, the interactions of molecules, the interactions of billions of cells to form a system that works harmoniously to create a living being, the conditions of Earth and cosmology variables that are so delicate and fine-tuned to such a degree that needs to be extremely precise in order to create a habitable planet to sustain life – these are just some of the systems that reveal how mind-blasting the universe is maintained and governed by such intricate laws. Humans have also invented many ways to entertain themselves. From playing sports to creating media like television shows, or playing DotA even though players are thousand of miles apart from each other, or even just gathering together and chatting late at night in the mamak stall while savoring the delight of Maggi Goreng with Milo Ais or Teh Tarik. And don’t forget the lame jokes that elite lamers (e.g. MC-ians) can think of.

Life is inevitable for each and every one of us. Some are more well-to-do in terms of financial or environmental aspects, while some are faced with more challenging scenarios. With life comes both pros and cons. We cannot just take part of the package, though wishful thinking seems to point in the direction. Whether we try to play hide-and-seek or catch-me-if-you-can, eventually we still have to face up with life. Obstacles are meant for us to be overcome and to test our limits. Like fire refining metal to remove impurities, challenges may give us adrenaline rushes, but the main point is to shape our personality to become a better and more adapted person in society. Sometimes we feel that too much is laden on our shoulders, and we just want to get away from it all. We try to multitask and overclock ourselves, but there comes a time when we need to deal with things one at a time, like eating your food in small portions instead of trying to shove everything down the esophagus in one go.

12. Adoption Day - What Makes Thursdays So Special

Everyone has their own unusual behavior, be it common or uncommon among the population, whether it’s done consciously or unconsciously. I read Andrew’s post on his unusual behavior, and I too do some of those things as well, but I did pick up an unusual hobby when I arrived at Melbourne. While girls like shopping for just about anything, guys don’t shop that much, but still do, I go ‘adopting’ once a week, if possible. I shall try to pen down the origin of this habit as best as I can, and explain a few things as well.

First of all, the place of ‘adoption’ is the department store Savers up in Brunswick. If I’m not mistaken, Savers is actually owned by Salvation Army and what they do is they go around collecting stuff from homes and bring them to Savers to sell them, or anyone can just bring their unused stuff to Savers themselves. I got to know of this place when the O-Weekers of IH (those running the orientation) took us there to pick up outfits for an event. I came back another time later because I wanted to buy groceries nearby and I entered Savers and had a look around. I saw the rack with all the ‘animals’ and I decided to just browse through for the fun of it. As I was digging through the pile, I came upon this dog with a Christmas hat, which looks relatively brand new, and also a white bunny. For the price of $1.49 each, I thought to myself, why not. So as I was walking back home, I contemplated whether I should return one day and have an occasional look for more ‘animals’ to add to my ‘family’. As the idea evolved, I decided that I should go back on a weekday because I’m just too lazy to go out on weekends. Since Thursday is the day when my class starts at 12.30p.m., I declared on my calendar every Thursday Adoption Day, where I would venture to Savers to look out for more abandoned animals (they are second-hand stuff, so they can be regarded as abandoned) and adopt them.

It’s surprising what stuff people discard that’s still in good condition. So far, I have 8 in my family – 2 identical Santa Dogs (what a coincidence, considering I bought them on 2 separate visits), a Dalmatian, 2 Koalas, 2 rabbits, and one squirrel. I talked to Andrew on MSN yesterday, and we agreed that space was going to be an issue. My wooden rack is almost full, I can make some space for one more line of animals, but after that I seriously don’t know where to put them. So if anyone wants anything, they can just ask and I’ll see if I can pass them one way or another. Oh by the way, the Giant Koala is not up for grabs :P

Koala : *stones at you* Nah uh, you're not getting my food *clutches tightly*

Family photo!!! In case you guys noticed, I don't have any teddy bears there. It's not that they don't have any teddy bears in Savers, it's just that I don't really like them. I think they're too 'common'. So that's about it - my unusualness that I picked up in Australia ^_^

11. How To Fail An Exam With Style

One guess where I extracted this from :P. Well, here's to all those who are facing (or will be) exams in the middle of the month. I'm not trying to imply that we should all go ahead and fail, just bring your sense of humour when things looks screwy ^_^, but I'm sure we're all capable enough to pull through the exams, eh?

Disclaimer: The following scenarios are only intended for humour. Any use of these scenarios are at the user's risk. Neither Haemoglobin nor The Globe shall be held responsible for any consequences arising from such events.

- Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say “Oh gee, better get cracking,” and scribble furiously. Turn it in a few minutes early.

- Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming “Andre, Andre, I’ve got the secret documents!”

- Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor’s left nostril.

- Talk the entire way through the exam. Read the questions aloud and debate your answers with yourself aloud. If asked to stop, yell out sarcastically, “I’m so sure you can hear me thinking.” Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.

- Bring cheerleaders.

- Walk in, get the exam, and sit down. About 5 minutes into the exam, loudly say to the instructor, “I don’t understand any of this. I’ve been to every lecture this semester! What’s the deal? And who are you? Where’s the regular guy?”

- Bring a video game. Play with the volume at max level.

- On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example, write “I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs.” Be creative.

- Run into the exam room looking around frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor and say “They’ve found me, I have to leave the country” and run off.

- Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out “Merry Christmas!” If you’re really daring, ask for another copy of the exam, saying you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.

- Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.

- Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.

- Come down with a bad case of Tourette’s Syndrome during the exam.

Edit: Well, I did a Google on part of this article and the whole thing actually came from http://spider.georgetowncollege.edu/georgetonian/050405/features1.html. I shall not bother editing and posting them up here, so just head on there and read the other 2/3 there. Most of the points there may not be relevant to failing, so I didn't bother to filter any of them away.