Loving and Loss

 Marci posted this on Facebook and I cried like a baby.

Ryan's Guatemalan Memorial

Zel and his sister, Tanner, Ross and Ryan McCoy

The food!

The sunsets!

The ocean!

The second week of January, many of us were able to fly to Guatemala for a beautiful memorial service at the beach for our son Ryan. I had told David I wasn’t physically and emotionally strong enough to make that trek. But you know my dang husband- he waited until I was 3 hours into my Ambien sleep and he crawled into bed and whispered “I really want you to go to Guatemala with me- won’t you go?” And I- unconscious as I was- murmured “Sure.

” He called son Tanner and tickets were purchased immediately. That guy! He is NOT above trickery!

The flying there was brutal. One part, when we were delayed 4 hours, I about lost my mind (we hadn't left SL airport yet and I was willing to call Brandi to come and pick me up in the middle of the night.)

But once we got there (Zel was at the airport to pick us up)- and when we finally got to the Maya Jade, my heart melted. Ryan and Zel have created a paradise there!

It was wonderful and yet hard to see all the people that loved Ryan. There were lots of tears and lots of hugs. Tears and hugs. Tears and hugs. But it was just because they all loved Ryan so much.

I'm sharing this entry after the fact so I will just share the things that we did. Of course, Marci and the kids were there. Tanner flew with us. They had to delay the memorial a bit since we were so late. No problem there- everything is so laid back. Ryan McCoy, Ryan's US partner and also former missionary companion in Guatemala were there and Ross, Marci's BIL, who also works for the US business was there as well.

The memorial was at the upstairs of the outdoor restaurant looking out over Ryan's ocean.

Amberly's first time t0 Guatemala.

Our beautiful cabana

The kids loved swimming in one of the many pools.

 

We were able to tour and dedicate the school bus- Marci's project! It is magical!

Elijah being his cute self!

A titch breezy waiting for pina coladas AGAIN!

The river that we ferry down to the Maya Jade.

Sending lanterns in the sky.

I think I had this most lunches and dinners. It's my favorite! A shrimp tostada

Before we leave the Maya Jade, I do want to mention (thankfully I do not have a picture but I bet your imagination can do it)- playing charades with the cleaning girls (imagine young teens- giggling in Spanish).  No, I didn't need water (imagine drinking), no we didn't need towels (me drying off.)  What we did need was toilet paper........

After our wonderful time at the Maya Jade, we headed back to the city where we had another reunion.  This time we got to see Olympia and Oscar and Angelica and Angelica's little girl!  How we love this family!  They were so good to Ryan when he was a missionary- Oscar and Angelica teenagers (maybe Oscar was older.)  Olympia doesn't speak English but we communicate our love very well!

Zel and Antonio- how we love them both.  Antonio would coordinate all the Humanitarian efforts.

The perfect send off to our boy.

 

Happy Birthday Me- 2022

 

Thanks for the sweet birthday wishes! One year ago I was in the hospital with Covid- and as I have whined so much this year- every month brought a new trauma. But hello 2022! This past year has also brought so many blessings that I am grateful for. This birthday I got to spend the day with my daughter and everywhere we went, people were celebrating me! . Doesn’t that remind you of being young? You think the whole world revolves around your birthday. But thank you dear friends for the love and sentiments. And yes- I AM having a winter of life crisis and I DID put mahogany (which has already faded to various shades of pink- ) stripes in my hair- and guess what? Life is still great! I plan on a lot of silly this year!

Merry Christmas 2021

 

I Have Never Been in a Hurricane But Now I Have- 2021

 I started this blog (journal) in 2007 and for most of that time, I faithfully recorded my life- things I did, wanted to do, read, ATE, family time, spiritual thoughts, funny stories.  It is a treasure all these years later to look back and read and re-learn many of life's lessons once again.  This journal is a history not only of my life- but that of my family.  The grand kids love putting their names in the search on this blog and finding all the stories I've shared about them.  It brings us together.

What is interesting, is, that this of all years, I stopped writing.  The year started off a little shaky, but has progressed, month by month, into a life I never dreamed of- but can honestly say, I've planned for inadvertently all my life.  I can't remember a time when I have not sought the Lord's hand.  All these years I have read my scriptures, took Institute classes, attended  my worship meetings, served and served and served. I've washed windows at the church on clean-up days, taking my turn- as we all do, but later learning that the root of worship and service are the same.  As I have served, in whatever capacity, I have tried to feel a sense of worship- whether my scouts were swinging from the rafters, my nursery kids crying and pooping and sticking Cheerios up their noses, when I worked 40 hours on a Young Women's slide presentation only to not have the projector work. Those things became minor and a part of the journey.  I am good with God.  There are times when I have been angry with God for not answering my prayers the way I wanted.  Thankfully I continued to pray.  Sometimes I have been angry with doctrine or suggestions from the pulpit that wasn't what my "secular" self wanted to hear.  Thankfully my scriptures were close at hand.  Not always.  Not when I was younger.  I went through that phase that so often you hear, if I wanted to fall asleep, all I had to do was open my scriptures.  I didn't always understand them. But the umpteenth time I made it through them, my language skills improved.  I wish I could share the many incidences I have had, having prayers answered through scripture reading.  What a gift. I am good with God.

So, in December, after my broken back but before hospitalization with Covid- I learned I had lost a lung. I have shared how an anchor was thrown to me in my sorrow.  It was His voice- reassuring me. "We've got this."  Three words that have continually pulled me from the waters, lifted me from my deepest abyss, soothed my aching heart. It has been a journey all within minutes- from high to low and then lowest.  Years ago I taught Journaling classes and usually  encouraged writers to start now rather than at the beginning- because by starting at the beginning, we usually never get caught up.  I'm not going to follow my own advice.  My latest loss is still too raw and some days my days are filled with a sunken boat and lots and lots of flailing. I do have my lifejacket, and for that I am thankful, but that doesn't mean you don't choke and gag and feel that drowning is imminent.  I love humor- humor gets me through a lot of bad times.  But I'm not laughing yet so I will share my January experiences- because although they were/are tragic, in hindsight you can laugh a little.  These past months have brought our family together like circling wagons.  The strength of my husband and kiddos!  So blessed. And that really proved itself during January... (start reading at January 28)

Dances

Above is Heidi and Caleb for their Senior Prom!

Hallee and a boy (Drew's parents won't let them go to every dance together so they have to have "off" dates- I know, crazy- and this was an "off" date. So I just call him a boy...) 

Here's Hallee Babe with her tru luv- Drew.

 Young love is common, but that doesn't mean it's not precious