Chester the Best-er

I saw the new Planet of the Apes movie on Saturday night...

noreply@blogger.com (Chess) — Tue, 15 Jul 2014 14:00:00 +0000

....and I think I reacted all wrong.

I think I'm not supposed to confuse the war-paint streaked, gun-carrying, horse-riding apes in the movie to the sweet chimps and monkeys I see at the zoo and in nature documentaries.

I think I'm not supposed to look into the movie apes' eyes and see real emotions and feel empathy.

I think that I'm not supposed to get moody and upset when they get gunned down by evil humans.

I think I'm not supposed to cover my face with my hands and whimper when there are large explosions.

This is what happened when I explained the aforementioned reaction to a friend:

#TOM #TMI #1

noreply@blogger.com (Chess) — Fri, 29 Nov 2013 17:49:00 +0000

Merry Black Friday to all.

Or should I say Red Friday? Because that would be more truthful.

It all started yesterday, when Aunt Flo came to visit. That heinous b**ch.

Have y'all ever felt the combined effects of tryptophan and menstrual fatigue?

My gosh--it's fatal.

Last night during Counseling Skills...

noreply@blogger.com (Chess) — Fri, 08 Nov 2013 14:00:00 +0000

Teacher: So, for example, if Chessie came in and said, "I haven't been on a date in six months....", what might the schema or automatic negative thought be?

Me: Sounds about right. [grin]

Cue class-wide laughter.

I'm growing my eyebrows out.

noreply@blogger.com (Chess) — Wed, 30 Oct 2013 14:00:00 +0000

Good thing I have bangs to cover up that fact.

Guess what's worse than growing eyebrows.

If you said bangs, then you are probably a woman.

"I'm probably never going to blog again,"

noreply@blogger.com (Chess) — Tue, 29 Oct 2013 14:00:00 +0000

is what I told Marie two nights ago. And I sincerely meant it.

But then I was like, "Wait."

I mean, have I told you about the time I was taking a nap on my couch and I woke up to this amazingly handsome man with Prince Eric's looks and Aaron Tveit's hair who Peter Panned himself through my window and made me kiss him? I had no choice in the matter.

I haven't told you?

Oh man. It's a GREAT story.

Or it would've been if I hadn't woken up. :-/

(Once Upon a Time is ruining my life.)

They say "Follow your heart"

noreply@blogger.com (Chess) — Fri, 09 Aug 2013 18:02:00 +0000

when trying to make a tough decision.

Not I.

I say,

"Follow your uterus!"

and then I buy ALL the kinds of M&Ms I can find.

Going 5 miles below the speed limit is like...

noreply@blogger.com (Chess) — Thu, 08 Aug 2013 00:26:00 +0000

- Leaving the crust of the pizza

- Not drinking the chocolate milk after eating Cocoa Puffs

- Changing the radio station before the song's over

- Eating the ice-cream, but not the cone

- Not trying to hit impossible notes when you're the only one in the car

- Driving in an empty canyon without using your brights

- Dumping a mostly empty water bottle on the ground instead of on someone

- Asking for no cherry on top

It's like, "So much potential wasted!"

Like, "WHY ARE YOU SAVING THE BEST FOR LAST AND THEN THROWING IT ALL AWAY?"

Drive. The. Speed. Limit.

Girl Talk: Our changing bodies.

noreply@blogger.com (Chess) — Sat, 20 Jul 2013 16:37:00 +0000

When chatting in a group of girls, somehow there's always a bit of the conversation that turns to height, periods, puberty, and boobs. I don't know why, but it does. And it's loud.

Girl 1: "I hate my big boobs!!!"

Girl 2: (patting down her chest) "I can't even find mine!"

Me: (frowning) "The only thing that got bigger with puberty was my hair."

Truth.

Last night I dreamed of destiny:

noreply@blogger.com (Chess) — Wed, 10 Jul 2013 01:33:00 +0000

I dreamed that I was working at a candle shop.

Guess who I worked with at the candle shop?

Zac Efron.

I think I've explained myself.

No pants, no shirt, no problem!

noreply@blogger.com (Chess) — Fri, 14 Jun 2013 17:30:00 +0000

Oh hey guys.

You still there?

I forgot I was still here for a minute. I started grad school. I quit the restaurant (what???). I moved. To Salt Lake! I have a new place, and only ONE roommate! (Need a job, though.)

Do you know what this MEANS? Especially since it's summer???

I go to bed wearing nothing but my undies. And I sleep in. By the time I wake up, my roommate is gone to work, so I don't have to put any clothes on at all, and I walk around in my skivvies, like, all day.

No, I don't think you understand.

ALL. DAY.

I just hope I don't forget myself and step outside to check the mail.

Facebook Friday

noreply@blogger.com (Chess) — Fri, 03 May 2013 17:09:00 +0000

They grow up so fast. :'(

Birth Month 2013

noreply@blogger.com (Chess) — Tue, 02 Apr 2013 13:43:00 +0000

Um. Hey guys.

I miss you. I miss this blog. I'm so busy between two jobs and training for a half and full marathon that I don't even have the brain power to think about what I could post for you.

But it's birth month, which is my favorite time of the year!!! The month where every penny I spend on something non-practical is given the excuse that "it's my birthday!" I'm hesitant to blare out how much I love my birthday, because I'm horrified that I'm turning 25 and I feel like I have nothing too exciting to show for it.

So far, I've bought some new running kicks, a trip to go skydiving later this year, and $60 of groceries, which was a mistake in hindsight, because it's spring break and my family and I are leaving to go to San Diego on Wednesday (my brother is graduating from bootcamp).

What've I been up to? Not much. Just work, work, working. Ran my first 5K. Got rejected by my alma mater for grad school (thank God I got accepted into my first choice school). I had my first NCMO--for those of you not from around here and unfamiliar with the stupid acronyms used here, that stands for "non-committal makeout." And in this case, he is practically a stranger.

I know, right? In the last seven months I have gone from kissing no dudes to smooching five dudes. Pretty soon, I'll get to graduate to counting them on two hands. I wish you could know how proud all of my friends are of me. I wish you could know how proud of myself I am.

I wish you could be as embarrassed as I am at how much the memory makes me laugh out loud a week and a half later.

But you know what the best thing in the world is? Sunny weather and a six-mile run in the canyon. Unfortunately, it's raining right now, so that plan is thwarted. For today.

Can't wait for summer!

Say hello, whoever is reading this!!! I miss you and love you!

In other GRAND news...

noreply@blogger.com (Chess) — Thu, 07 Feb 2013 22:05:00 +0000

Received in an email two days ago...

"I am writing to advise you of our admissions decision in response to your application to the School Counseling Program at the University of Utah (Salt Lake City program). After careful review of your application the faculty unanimously recommended you for admission – congratulations."

I did it, guys!!! I made it in!

Caught in the Copy Room.

noreply@blogger.com (Chess) — Tue, 29 Jan 2013 19:18:00 +0000

Story time!!!

First vlog ever. Should I make more??

How much kids don't know.

noreply@blogger.com (Chess) — Mon, 28 Jan 2013 19:40:00 +0000

I correct a lot of daily journals when I'm at the high school. Some of you have read these on my Facebook, but for those of you who haven't, here are my favorites.

Q: What do you know about Islam?

A: They are a nation of Jews living in the Middle East.

Q: What images come to mind when you think of the Middle Ages?
A: Historical babes, castles, peasants and Monty Python

"Buddha is a pot-bellied god."

"I took a shower this morning. That is kind of like the bath houses in the Roman cities."

Isn't my job the greatest? :-D

Never leave your blog up at work.

noreply@blogger.com (Chess) — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 07:42:00 +0000

Especially if work is full of high school students.

Because if you work at a high school full of high school students and you leave your blog up because you were looking at it while you were fixing the blogs for your classes....

....and the last post you wrote was about all the strange boys you kissed under the mistletoe at that one Christmas party and you put up all the photographic evidence too....

....and one of your students saw it....

Gosh.

It's embarrassing.

Weirdest night ever (or how I am officially a hussy)....

noreply@blogger.com (Chess) — Mon, 17 Dec 2012 16:54:00 +0000

This is Jake.

We have been friends for exactly one million years.

This is Jake inviting me to a party on Saturday night.

This is how he takes advantage of said friendship.

He always has to go for that W, no matter the cost.

This is me helping Jake snag second place.

It was really, really, really, really weird.

No more kissing my friends.

Especially ones with whom I have been friends for one million years.

This is me helping some other poor sucker.

He said his name is Jamal, but it's actually Rob.

This is me helping the guy who photobombed the previous picture.

I don't remember his name.

This is Marie's reaction after my telling her.

Conclusion: My hair looks fabulous in all of these pictures.

The End.

Black Friday.

noreply@blogger.com (Chess) — Fri, 23 Nov 2012 11:33:00 +0000

NO.

I'm not shopping.

Like, ew!

It's not worth it. I worked at the restaurant from 9:45 am to 7:30 pm, so even if I wanted to shop, my legs wouldn't hold me up. Also, it's cold, right, and fighting a herd of people already happened from 9:45 am to 7:30 pm.

Blurry cell phone pics are the best!!

But afterwards, I had dinner with my family who was kind enough to wait for me. It was homemade pizza. There is a reason we had pizza today. See, my little brother (I don't know why I call any of my siblings "little"--they are all TALLER than I am) decided to join the Marines one day, and he won't be home for Christmas, and the weirdo doesn't like turkey, so we're switching our Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners. Yep. Our Christmas dinner tradition is always homemade pizza. It's awesome.

Oh and I took a shower, and brushed my teeth, and went to bed. Unfortunately, my brain is too fried from work, plus I have a stuffy sinus thing going on, which is soooooo annoying. So I can't sleep. So now I'm sleepy-angry.

It's like, I've blown my nose at least thirty times in the last three hours, and used up half the toilet paper, and I'm so so so tired, and, like, HOW IS THERE STILL SNOT IN MY BODY?

Sometimes, my friend takes pretty pictures of me.

noreply@blogger.com (Chess) — Sat, 17 Nov 2012 17:45:00 +0000

Marie Teemant Photography

Some $5-bargains-at-the-grocery-store you just can't resist...

noreply@blogger.com (Chess) — Mon, 12 Nov 2012 19:16:00 +0000

Words by Chris Raschka
Pictures by Vladimir Radunsky

"Can dogs rap? Of course they can. We've all seen them throwing it down, tossing it up, hounding, pointing, beagling, and boxing in our back streets and front parks. Here's the story, told in his own words, of one rising dog star." (inside-front flap)

Maybe my Christmas present to you will be to rap this book to you. Hahaha!

I really am a nice person,

noreply@blogger.com (Chess) — Fri, 26 Oct 2012 06:23:00 +0000

but sometimes, after days like today, or weeks like this one, I just wanna say....nay, SHOUT,

"You. Shut up. You're pathetic and desperate."

"Hey kids. I hate you. And cotton candy."

"You. are. so. annoying.

There's a reason you're alone. It's your whining."

"Um. You're not funny."

"Get a ROOM!" (I really did yell that one at my creepy roommate and her creepier boyfriend. And not in a joking way. They are the grossest.)

...and glare at everyone in my way....

But I would feel bad. So I don't say these things. But I think them.

OH. I THINK them.

Hitler High Fives

noreply@blogger.com (Chess) — Thu, 25 Oct 2012 00:01:00 +0000

Marie, my roommates, and I all dressed up went to a fun Halloween masquerade dance party thing on Saturday. They had some goofy band playing for a bit and they sang some goofy song about Yahtzee.

Except it was so loud and confusing that it almost sounded like they were singing the word "Nazi" over and over again, so Kassidy and I were holding our hands up and out in front of us while pretend-moshing and Logan was a ditz and kept high-fiving us and crazy-dancing, and not understanding why we were laughing so hard because she kept doing it even though we kept yelling, "NO...Nazi!"

And Marie brought her lights and camera and we all pretended to be models.

Awkward.

So I'm $175 poorer...

noreply@blogger.com (Chess) — Thu, 18 Oct 2012 22:33:00 +0000

but remember how months ago I was like, "Guys...I'm going to grad school..."

Well, it's getting closer....and more expensive...

Taking the GRE on November 15 and turning in my applications right after.

Word.

Because I can. And because you know it's true.

noreply@blogger.com (Chess) — Thu, 11 Oct 2012 19:00:00 +0000

Conference weekend just happened, and as a result, a whole new batch of sayings popped up that will soon reveal themselves in the form of printables, vinyl lettering, and painted wooden blocks.

This is Utah.

Land of the saccharine and trite Mormon cliches. Not that I have anything against them. I don't mind them. I hate the tacky decorating. Plus, I feel like my own sayings are a lot more realistic and relevant.

For example...

Live. Laugh. Love. Lame-asses.

Tomorrow is another day

(to totally screw up).

Search, ponder, and pray (for a MAN).

Familes are Forever.

(But that doesn't mean you need to stick around.)

Return with Honor (and Flakiness).

Daughter of God.

Booty Call of the Douchebag.

I Hope They Call Me on a Mission.

I Can't Seem to Find a Date.

An old roommate had the verse from Joshua "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord" hanging in our bathroom above the toilet. It always made me feel so uncomfortable. It should've said,

"As for me and my house,

we will buy the quilted, double-ply TP.

And wash our own effin' dishes."

Thank goodness she moved out and took her dumb signs and filthy dishes with her.

600th!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Chess) — Fri, 21 Sep 2012 20:33:00 +0000

This is my 600th post.

I promised Kate I would write her a post, because now she is a grownup with a grownup job, and she is so bored sometimes that she needs to read something from me.

As if I were interesting. I forgot I had a blog for a while there. There just hasn't been much to say.

But I can try.

Since the last time I wrote....

I've had a couple of these:

Went to a few of these:

Went here three times:

Played with this toddler (she's the one with black hair):

Was in my cousin's wedding:

Hung out with these people:

Got my:

(Yes. One of the boys above.

Dating is so weird and confusing. Why do people do it?)

How I felt right after it happened:

"Does he...know that you are a first-time slammer?"

--two idiot guy friends--

Got a second job, so I'm going back to:

Do you think I'll get asked to