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[Wednesday
December 12th, 2012 @ 12:01am] |
43% Locked
Partially Friends Onlyadd me and comment here to hear my musings, my darkest thoughts and my wacky insomniac blabber all voyeurs welcome, traveller's tales are meant to be shared ( no lj?Collapse ) |
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| letting go- J |
[Thursday
March 31st, 2011 @ 11:00pm] |
(actually this video is too angsty a representation for what i'm feeling, i just feel she's hot hahaha i need an excuse to post this)
it's hard to let go of something you've worked for for so long
a huge stack of memories, now they're haunted.
but he's made things very clear and regrettably, very bitter on his part.
perhaps deep in me, i always expected this day to come.
as much as i'm surprised that he seems like a completely different person,
i already knew a long time ago he had the ability to hurt me badly without flinching when he wanted to.hence my chronic inability to accept him completely and quickly when things were still good. sometimes you just know. i can rant and be sad about this whole saga, but it's not going to help me get on with life. i'm just taking it as lesson learnt: men are like tea put him in hot water, and his true strength/ colours will show through :)
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[Sunday
March 13th, 2011 @ 4:48am] |
because i've been hurt badly before,
i expect everyone to leave eventually.
i know it probably isn't true but time has always proven me right.
it has been a rough night.
i'm learning to quit relying on a guy's company and care.
because most of it has a price tag i can't afford.
(but of course, "guys" don't refer to my T2 farm animals :) )
Things will get better right?
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| to his friends. |
[Monday
January 10th, 2011 @ 8:13pm] |
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i wonder if anyone understands how i feel. To be scolded and treated like a bad person by his friends for showing concern to him. I was so insanely angry because they don't know what really happened but they made it seem like it was all my fault. I felt so helpless defending myself on his wall. I'm not angry i cried and had my pride hurt but i'm angry they are using their ability to hurt me. What makes hurting me right while saying the hurt i did to him was wrong? Hypocrites. I am sorry i hurt him but my feelings left and i can't do anything about it. Where was your righteousness when i was hurt repeatedly by him for the last year? There is no one person solely right or wrong in a relationship. As much as i feel like a fool for caring for him, i can't help it. The soft spot sucks. Big time. The way your friends treat me affirms the fact i could have never fit into your social circle. I became angry again when he told me his friends were ignoring him because he couldn't move on. Who the hell can move on so quickly? If you're his true friends, you should be his support and company. Not create trouble for him and then be angry at him for being unable to move on on your time schedule. And for your information, i wanted to cut contact from him but he asked me not to. So please stop jumping to conclusions and making things even harder for him.
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| Magic |
[Friday
December 17th, 2010 @ 7:03pm] |
Christmas. My favourite time of the year. There's an inexplicable tingle in the air ;everyone's friendlier, the atmosphere's magical and it's the perfect time to just cozy up to someone you love on the couch. Every year i buy Christmas cards but i never get to send any out. Haha it has become a weird (and wasteful) ritual i guess. I am a sucker for orchard road decorations. I just aimlessly walk until i soak up every bit of magic. Honestly, it's weird not having someone to walk with me this year. It's lonely. I feel like i am getting reacquainted with myself this year. What kind of feeling does that bring? i don't know really. it's neither a good nor bad feeling.
i am too poor to get proper Christmas presents for anyone this year. (haven't earned any money in 2 years, not that i'm looking for any jobs either haha) A part of me tells me i've screwed up this few months but one thing I've learnt this year is not to have regrets. If at the time you made a decision, and you were certain it was what you wanted then there was no other way you could have known otherwise. I'm trying really hard to kick this bad habit of mine- thinking too much about the future. And with this no-regrets revelation thing I've learnt, life seems simpler.
Want to be happy? Be. i hope this will be my 2011's guiding principle :) 2010 was pretty much the greatest roller coaster i have ever been on. i met my highest highs and lowest lows all in the same year. I've drank more alcohol in this one year compared to the rest of my life combined. i met and made awesome friends, and lost people who didn't deserve my care. At this time of my writing, i'm still deeply apologetic to 2 people, and i just want you to know you mean much more to me than you think. And because of that, i no longer want to put you in this never ending cycle with me because it's simply not right.
so here's an early toast to the new year and a very Merry Christmas!
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