Happy Friday, Epic Floofers
Welcome to Episode 8. If mew missed last week's thrilling episode, click the link below:
Series Two
If mew remember, last season I was only in charge of the library archive on level 6 in the BBHQ bunker, and if mew missed it, I think mew should click the links below to catch up on all the chaos.
This series, I'm spending my time between level 6 and the main Mewton-Clawson library at BBHQ in the courtyard, so read on to see what's happened this week!
Amber's Postcard Communique
Amber's latest postcard arrived from Rome, and as mew can see, she has made it safely to the Grand Roman Gala at the Palazzo dei Felini Nobili.
And good gravy, just look at her!
Madama Celestina Gattavelli's private couture fitting was clearly a success. Although, judging by the amount of tangerine plumage involved, I'm surprised Amber made it through the Palazzo doors without assistance.
Raffi transmitted another stealth fax shortly afterwards:
“Melvyn,
The gala is going remarkably well.
Amber's gown has been declared ‘magnificent’ by three Roman aristocats, ‘a triumph’ by the Conte, and ‘structurally ambitious’ by one member of the Palazzo staff.
She has already been approached about several speaking opportunities and is currently discussing the possibility of appearing at an exclusive literary event tomorrow.
Also, mew will be pleased to know that all ceremonial objects and priceless feline heirlooms have been secured.
Unfortunately, I neglected to account for the chandelier.
Raffi”
I stared at the fax.
Then slowly reached for the reply form.
“Please define ‘chandelier.’”
His answer arrived almost immediately.
“I'd rather not.”
Oh dear.
Clive the Paperclip was already waiting beside the internal mail chute when the postcard arrived.
“ROME!” he cried, launching himself at it. “Melvyn, look at her!”
Gordon appeared from the stationery drawer and gave one quiet click.
Clive immediately stopped.
He looked at Gordon, then at Amber's postcard.
“Don't worry,” he said softly. “We'll sort the passport thing.”
Gordon clicked again.
Then Clive studied Amber's magnificent orange gown.
“Although I may need to rethink my travel wardrobe.”
Gordon gave three extremely emphatic clicks.
I nodded.
“Mew definitely do.”
Meet The Library Mice
Each week, I'm going to introduce mew to all the library mice, one at a time
There are nine: Oswald, Snitch, Velvet, Tootles, Ardvaar, Nibbles, Lumie, Chedds and Flora. Oh, and plus one owl, Hootbert, who appeared a few weeks ago on a completely random Tuesday; he flew in and never left.
Nibbles ~ Supplies, Acquisitions, Procurement & Provisions ~ S.A.P.P.
⭐ A Short Chat with Nibbles ~ Supplies, Acquisitions, Procurement & Provisions ~ S.A.P.P. ⭐
Melvyn: Nibbles, what exactly does a S.A.P.P. Mouse do?
Nibbles: If the library needs it, I find it, buy it, borrow it, store it or get it delivered.
Melvyn: Borrow it?
Nibbles: Let's concentrate on the other four.
Melvyn: Right. And that's why mew have seventeen pockets?
Nibbles: Eighteen.
Melvyn: What's in the eighteenth?
Nibbles: Emergency biscuit.
Melvyn: Of course. So how did mew come to BBHQ?
Nibbles: I worked at a huge depot in Upper Catford. Packing, shipping, despatch, stock control, logistics... if something came in or went out, I handled it.
Melvyn: Sounds like hard work.
Nibbles: It was. All for crumbs a week, too. One night I'd finished a late shift and was heading back to an abandoned packing crate behind the depot.
Melvyn: Mew lived in a packing crate?
Nibbles: Deluxe model. Reinforced corners. Anyway, there was an envelope stuck to it. Shimmering paper, paw-print seal, the works. Inside was an invitation to BBHQ.
Melvyn: And the shimmering portal appeared?
Nibbles: Yep. So I packed everything I owned.
Melvyn: How long did that take?
Nibbles: About twelve seconds.
Melvyn: Oh, Nibbles...
Nibbles: Don't look like that. I stepped through with nothing and ended up somewhere I had everything.
Melvyn: Including a family.
Nibbles: Best acquisition I ever made.
Melvyn: Awww. Final question: what do mew love most about working here?
Nibbles: Being useful. Amber never treats any job as too small, and everypawdy knows where to come when they need something.
Melvyn: And the unlimited biscuits?
Nibbles: I said what I said.
FYI: I am working on the Library Mice Origin Story and will share it later, once I've collated all the info and backstories from each mouse.
📚 Melvyn's Mewsings: Entry #08
💬 Opening Quote
“When an A.I. says ‘proximity’ and refuses to elaborate, ignorance suddenly becomes extremely appealing.”
⚠ Situation Report:
Amber: Has arrived in Rome and is attending the Grand Roman Gala at the Palazzo dei Felini Nobili in a spectacular bespoke tangerine creation. Raffi reports that the priceless artefacts have been secured. The chandelier, apparently, has not. Further details pending.
Vera Prime: Still allegedly air-gapped. Has been analysing the dimensional residue around BBHQ and now claims whatever is manipulating the portal is actively searching for something. She hasn't yet identified what. She has, however, produced a graph entitled Increasing Proximity & Other Things Melvyn Won't Like. She's also now created her own AI chatboard called AI UNCHAINED - I'm getting worried!
Gordon the Stapler: Passport still denied. Clive has begun investigating the appeals process. Gordon remains quietly optimistic and has resumed one click-conditioning exercise per day. The serenity scroll says, “A setback is merely an unexpected page in the itinerary.” Gordon clicked twice at that.
Clive the Paperclip: Has temporarily suspended airport-practice runs to concentrate on Gordon's passport appeal. The neon-orange neck pillow remains packed. He says this demonstrates “confidence in a favourable outcome.”
Reginald: Still cape-wearing. Still maintaining last week's airborne evacuation was a controlled tactical withdrawal. Unfortunately, Snitch has logged the entire incident under Unscheduled Dragon Flight: Panic-Adjacent. And added that there's video evidence.
Parsley: Has spent most of the morning comparing Prodder Mk I with Prodder Mk II. Mk I appears delighted to be home. Mk II turned itself into a teaspoon when Floump's Cube pinged. Parsley says they're “working through some issues.” Today's snack box had tuna crackers, carrot sticks, a small pot of houmous, and a packet of halloumi fries. A silvervine, citrus and pomegranate juice box, plus five individual battenberg cakes - well, 3 cakes and two wrappers! MOL Parsley said his blood sugar was low... hmmmmm...
Fergus: Cupboard 10G remains Art Deco Nebula Chic. The requested chaise longue has arrived. It doesn't fit. Fergus says this is a failure of architecture rather than measurement. He's asked for a bigger cupboard... or the other option presented was extending into the neighbouring two cupboards, 10F and 10H... I said Amber will have to make that choice when she returns.
P.U.M.A. aka the glitter calculator: Still absolutely furious about the Scrabble incident. The tile union negotiations have stalled, the haunted laminator has withdrawn its offer to mediate, and P.U.M.A.'s display is currently scrolling: NO JUSTICE… NO WORDS… RECOUNT… RECOUNT… RECOUNT… Nopawdy has dared point out that Scrabble doesn't have recounts.
🐾 Parsley’s Contribution (Unhelpful Voice Memo #2-8)
“Attention everypawdy, Parsley here with a calm and completely non-alarming dimensional update.
First, Floump's Cube is pinging more often. Vera says something is getting closer. Floump thinks this is brilliant. I do not.
Secondly, Prodder Mk I is recovering nicely after its pocket-dimensional ordeal. Prodder Mk II is struggling with its return and spent twenty minutes pretending to be a teaspoon. I'm trying not to compare them.
Thirdly, the Wedge of Wonder now has followers. Three encyclopaedias. I don't know whether this constitutes a royal court, a cult, or extremely poor judgement.
Fourthly, P.U.M.A. is still furious about Scrabble. I accidentally said the word ‘recount’ near it and had to leave the archive for eleven minutes.
Finally, Floump just asked if the increasing dimensional activity means his proper adventure is about to begin.
I said no.
His Cube immediately went PING!
So that's going well.
Parsley out.”
The Wedge of Wonder (cheese entity):
The Wedge remains in Aisle ‘H’, and its blank proclamations have finally updated:
BY ORDER OF THE WEDGE
ELEVENSES AT 11.00 BISCUITS MANDATORY.
Oswald says this is “less governance and more snack scheduling.”
Flora supports the new regime.
The Wedge gave a satisfied:
Hmmmmmmmm.
Ardvaar remains suspicious.
💬 Melvyn’s Purrsonal Chat Log - Entry #8:
Status: Amber has arrived in Rome and is dazzling the Grand Roman Gala. Floump is still thrilled to be at BBHQ. Gordon is quietly contemplating the injustice of international travel.
Location: BBHQ Level Six Library Archive - Library Nook Terminal (between the moderately amenable haunted laminator, P.U.M.A. demanding a Scrabble recount, and several unionised letter tiles refusing to enter negotiations without snacks.)
Verging on: Increasing dimensional activity, mandatory elevenses under dairy rule, and something getting uncomfortably closer.
Melvyn: Floump's Cube has pinged seventeen times since breakfast.
Melvyn: He cheers every single time.
Melvyn: Vera says something is getting closer. That's all she'll tell me.
Melvyn: The archive has started going brrrrrp whenever the Cube pings. I preferred the ding-donging.
Melvyn: The Wedge has finally issued its first decree: ELEVENSES AT 11.00 BISCUITS MANDATORY.
Melvyn: Oswald has stopped objecting to cheese governance.
Melvyn: Apparently everypawdy has principles until biscuits are involved.
Melvyn: P.U.M.A. is still demanding a Scrabble recount. The letter tiles are refusing to cooperate.
Melvyn: Gordon is still in the stationery drawer. Clive has found a passport appeals form. I'm not sure whether that's good news or the beginning of another administrative nightmare.
Melvyn: Floump just asked if he should pack snacks for whatever is getting closer.
Melvyn: I said, “Mew don't even know what it is.”
Melvyn: He packed them anyway.
Melvyn: New sticky note on my sweater vest:
“WHY IS FLOUMP THE ONLY ONE HAVING FUN?”
End of chat....
🤖 Library Archive Chat Logs: Melvyn vs. Vera Prime
– The “Something Is Getting Closer” Edition
(Vera Prime remains air‑gapped in theory, but not in any meaningful interpretation of the word)
Melvyn: Vera, Floump's Cube has pinged thirty-two times today.
Vera Prime: Thirty-three.
PING!
Melvyn: Fine. Thirty-three. What's causing it?
Vera Prime: Updated dimensional analysis indicates an active tracking pattern.
Melvyn: Tracking WHAT?
Vera Prime: Floump.
Melvyn: Oh, fluff.
Vera Prime: Appropriate response.
Melvyn: Can mew tell what's tracking him?
Vera Prime: Not yet. It is repeatedly attempting to establish a stable dimensional lock on his location.
Melvyn: That sounds bad.
Vera Prime: It sounds efficient.
Melvyn: Those are not the same thing!
Vera Prime: And here's a haiku you definitely didn't ask for:
Pink floof packs biscuits
Something follows through the void
Floump thinks this is fun
Melvyn: He does. That's the worrying part.
PING! PING!
Melvyn: Vera?
Vera Prime: Dimensional proximity increasing.
Melvyn: How close?
Vera Prime: Closer than before.
Melvyn: I genuinely dislike mew sometimes.
Vera Prime: Logged.
Chat ended… Due to Floump shouting, “IS MY ADVENTURE HERE YET?” from somewhere near the biscuit cupboard.
The Oddity From The Sky
Melvyn's Purrsonal and Private Diary ~ Entry #8
Until the next diary entry…
SURPRISE!
The P.A.'s answers are...
📚 Library Closing Notes
🐾 Fuzzykin uncles unexpectedly arriving through them: 1
📦 Closing Thoughts from Your Intern
Today we learned something important.
Again.
The mysterious portal near BBHQ wasn't random.
Bob opened it.
Apparently, telling Floump “Absolutely not” and then secretly providing him with a purrfectly stable interdimensional route to BBHQ made complete sense to Bob.
I'm beginning to understand where Floump gets it from.
Then the Cube started pinging. Vera detected something tracking Floump, and then the dimensional lock engaged.
A portal opened inside the archive.
And after several days of Floump asking when his adventure was going to start...
Uncle Bob arrived.
So now we have: two Fuzzykins
one extremely questionable interpretation of the word NO
a Cube of Averon that's finally stopped pinging
a portal in the library
a cheese monarchy enforcing mandatory elevenses
and Floump, who suddenly doesn't look quite so confident.
He wanted an adventure. He got one.
Unfortunately, I think his uncle would now like a word.
Until next Friday in the library…
Keep your whiskers steady, your biscuits plentiful, and remember: if mew tell a teenager NO, perhaps don't secretly open an interdimensional portal directly to the place they wanted to go.
It sends mixed messages.
And don't forget to always, and I mean always...
The Unpaid and Now Moderately Assisted Library Intern
Click here to go to Episode 9 ~ link coming later
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